Which type are you & why?
Recently I have encountered a few people with a totally different perspective to me when it comes to dealing with mistakes. It’s good that each of us is unique indeed, that is what makes the world tick.
When I make a mistake I always admit it and apologise and do whatever I can to put it right.
When mistakes are made that affect me I do get hurt (I am quite sensitive and a self confessed over thinker) but I am usually very quick to forgive, and although some may be hard to forget I do my best. I do this because we are all human and we all make mistakes, and as long as the intent was not to hurt me I like to think people learn from their mistakes. Besides, I think life is too short to hold grudges!
Mistakes made against me that I have forgiven include:
- A partner having an affair with my best friend. It was many moons ago and to this day I keep in contact and love both as friends, but they never speak to each other.
- People wrongly accusing me of having an affair and spreading malicious gossip.
- People forgetting to pay me a lot of money they owe back.
- People treating me badly.
I have found that not everyone is as understanding or forgiving of me. I recently almost lost a friend over an accidental error I made – yes it could have caused him problems but I immediately took action to make sure he wasn’t affected by my stupidity.
I have a work colleague that even the tiniest mistake can lead to him not talking to me for weeks on end and giving me a hard time in work. I say tiniest mistake, for example, after him saying we will need a new Christmas tree for the office he did nothing then went on holiday 3 weeks before Christmas, so as a favour I bought a tree. He was livid when he returned and complained that the tree was a week late going up and I shouldn’t have wasted money on a new tree! I asked why I had upset him and he said I hadn’t but I was then informed by a director that he was calling me fit to burn!
I am just trying to make sense of everything.
So what type are you… and why
- Are you quick to forgive and forget?
- Do you forgive quickly but make sure you / they never forget?
- Do you not forgive or forget when someone has done you wrong (even in error)?
- Are you angry/hurt /upset for a period of time then mellow and forgive?
- Do you hold ‘cut people out ‘ of your life?
I’d say I was more likely to be type 1,
Life’s to short to hold grudges.
yeah my theory exactly 🙂
Mixture of all choices. Some individuals need more thought. Live and let live ideally but if someone is continually confrontational about my actions then I have to presume they actually do not like me. In that case I am civil to them as required but nothing else. You have to work with ass-wipes sometimes that you cannot avoid.
It’s sometimes down to that fine line when banter becomes offensive. If you make a mistake, hold hands up, apologise if needed and move on. Making and keeping friends is great but if someone does not want to be friends move onto your real friends and possible new friends. Life is to short!!
That’s very true unfortunately the over thinker in me finds it really difficult not to forgive even the worse of people and I would still bend over backward s to help the particular work colleague – who if their actions are anything to go by – hates me!
It would be so much easier to forget and move on if people gave you an explanation for their actions. So often, you know that someone is upset but you don’t understand why. When you ask, they just say ‘No, it’s ok…forget it’…but there’s still that coldness.
Thats true. I must admit I do that ….. sometimes but really its just me tryng to calm down so I can say whats wrong constructively.
I am more like type 1 and it’s all well written! Congrats! Life is so cool, let’s share it with who is too sad to live!
Type 4
Type 4.
Definitely type One – Arguments really help nobody, but a straight discussion cab achieve so much more.
Drummner
Well I probably would class myself as type 4, you have to put these things behind you or they will destroy your life.
Combination of all, depends what the dastardly deed was……….I wouldn’t let myself become bitter and would probs still acknowledge the said person…….BUT……..and its a big but, it would remain in my head what had been said and done, I would remain wary of that person and trust would be gone……….
That’s my problem sometimes I get kicked when I am down then forgive and forget and trust then go back for more LOL
I think this can be subjective, depending on ones feelings at the time. I do think as we get a tad older we mellow more, react a little differently.
So am I trying to avoid answering this question…
Are you quick to forgive and forget? One or two things in my life I cant forgive, yet will/have let go of them and the pain attached. We are all human and of course if someone makes a mistake I would forgive them. I have in the past cut people out of my life, burnt my bridges as they say, I regret having dealt with them in this way, as in more mature times it would have been a different outcome. Yet history is history sometimes it cant be changed for the people you have dealt with may be so horrible that they would never show a kindness, never say sorry, or try to mend fences.. sadly yes there are some really horrible folk out there… The trick is to move on, show kindness, or accept what is not going to change wont change… Last of all, anger is such a wasted emotion, it harms us emotionally, or leaves us in a dangerous situation. To internalize it for long periods brings depression to sit a while upon our shoulders. It also distorts how we think at the time, how we act, and of course the outcome.
Now I can only front it, talk it out if possible, or let it goooooooooo. I know when I was a younger man it was a very different situation, thank goodness we grow up .
It is our little imperfections that make us the unique souls that we are
so true 🙂
They hack me off? They die!….What’s that? type 6? lol
hahahahahahaha …… somehow I don’t think you are that bad 😉
He is he is…….he errs on the dark side Carol…….pee him off at your own risk……He He…..
hahaha ….oooh tempting
My is not on the list, but idm. I’m very closed to Starlette but even a bit more to JFK who once said; one can forgive but should never forget. OK that works well with me.
I have appreciated reading everyone’s comments on this topic … thanks for your thought provoking post, OhCarol!
My initial reaction is that I am a 1- quick to forgive and forget and carry on or start fresh. But if I am really honest, I wonder if the “forget” part is only on the surface. Sure, I forgive and forget in day to day practice but I find if the issue arises again or a similar issue, the memories from the past come bubbling to the surface.
This can be helpful since we need to learn from past experiences but it can be harmful when my memories cloud the situation at hand- sometimes making it bigger than it need be…
Thank goodness, life continues to be a learning and growing process….
I’m with you on that 🙂
My goodness, which type? No 1 was certainly not me, have been hurt too many times but after that can relate to each, think I agree with Cloudless in that as we age we do change and for me a lot mellower! it all depends on what was said etc. and dare I say it, have now reached age where I really don’t care anymore so guess I have arrived at no 1.
Just had a rotten night, so guess I have not mellowed at all.
🙁 sorry to hear that …hope you’re ok.
I am a bit of all. Depends on a lot of things, the person, the act, the purpose, etc. Some knives cut deeper than others.
I will never forgive my ex-husband and my sister for what they did to me – NEVER !!!
Type 1
Life is too short to allow things to linger. People are people no matter what.
If we all thought and acted alike it’d be a boring world lol.
Look for the good in people and ignore the rest. There’s some good even in the not so good, Right? I treat others the way I like to be treated. How they conduct themselves is their business. Life is as good as “we” individually make it.
So true