I heard this all my life. I never questioned it. Just kept waiting for time to do its job. Then I heard Dr. Phil one day. Someone said this on his show. And he loudly stated “TIME HEALS NOTHING!” Really…..
I saw the quote this morning on Facebook….Time Heals All Wounds. And I wanted to shout, NO IT DOESN’T! Because I know now that you have to do the work to heal. I held onto wounds. A counselor asked me one time why I was so angry. Because this is all I have! I shocked myself saying that. I didn’t know who I was outside of the pain. I had a death grip on my anger. I didn’t know how to release it. If it were just about the past I could have. But it kept rearing its ugly head over and over. I kept trying to make things better but she kept throwing me under the bus. Nothing hurts like your family (in this case my mom) throwing you under the bus. And it’s a domino effect that rattles the cages of everyone in that family of origin.
Depression gripped me. But I’m nothing if not tenacious. I knocked on every door I could think of to climb out of the pit of despair. Doctor after doctor. Medication after medication. The first time it took two years until I started seeing some light. And the healing began. Is it a straight path? Oh hell no.
I couldn’t totally heal and forgive until mom died. I have always tried to do the right thing. Take the high road. I have no regrets with her. I did everything in my power. And when she lay dying I was the one there holding her hand when she took her last breath. The one she disowned. I didn’t shed a tear. I cried all my tears for her when she was still living.
So here I am seven years later. And I can say I have forgiven her. I am healing and sometimes I think I'm totally healed but I think it will continue to be a lifelong journey. I have worked very hard to get here. I found an excellent psychologist who has helped me navigate this road. I've done the work.
I also know “Hurt people hurt people.” Mom couldn’t get beyond that. I’m not sure what all the hurt was in her as she never spoke of it. I just wanted a mom. When I think of her I feel sad for her now. And I can even smile a little at the strong woman I am.
No, I don’t believe TIME heals all wounds.