Starting Over – Chapteen Fourteen

Chapter 14

The months passed slowly but as I looked at the beauty of the turning leaves, all shades of bright yellow, orange, and red, while driving to work, I hoped I could enjoy the fall season. This was usually my favorite time of year, but this year I had to deal with the dull ache in my heart for Tony.

I realized the only way I could survive was to close off my heart, let no one in. It wasn’t a thrilling way to live but being numb was better than being in pain.

I got to the point where I could pass Tony in the hallway at work and not feel anything. Just a casual “hi”. This wasn’t depression, it was survival. His face didn’t pop up in every thought I had, I didn’t feel his arms around me anymore, I didn’t hear him say, “I love you.” That was a blessing.

The real blessing was Jack. If it weren’t for him, I never would have gotten through this. The last time we had dinner, he seemed so preoccupied. I wonder if he was finding it too hard to be best friends with both Tony and me.

I hoped that was not the case. He’s become such an important part of my life. For a while I thought he wanted to be more than friends, but that seemed to have changed a few months ago. I’m kind of glad because I don’t have anything to offer at this point. I’m still a zombie trying to survive.

The job had been so busy and I was really grateful for that. I was in charge of setting up Sterling’s annual fall dinner for board members and customers. This once a year event has to be perfect. It’s Sterling’s way of saying thank you to their biggest clients.

Nick Potter, our CEO, and all his direct reports would be there. As a courtesy, their assistants would be invited too. Now that Ellen was gone, hopefully there would be a happier tone at the party. Miranda came to check and make sure Nick’s accommodations were up to par. Heads would roll if they weren’t.

Let’s see, I had to check my long list of direct reports, Mary Simpson, Joan Conte, Salim Ashod, Kapil Modna, Tony Raniere…, damn I didn’t want to deal with him. At least Jack would be there too.

Over 100 people would attend this gala event. The Board Room was enormous and the cocktail party and dinner would be held there. The caterers set up tables with white tablecloths and crystal clusters with white candles in the center as centerpieces. There were white orchids on the dais. Fine china and silverware were used and the room looked like a white fantasy.

The food was five star and the wine list extensive. I put everyone up at an elegant hotel nearby. The limo drivers were on standby to bring everyone back and forth. Had to pat myself on the back. This turned out really well.

“Julie, I couldn’t have asked for better,” gushed my boss Andrea.

“Thanks Andrea, I’m so glad everything turned out so well,” I said as I sighed a breath of relief.

This event took two months of working weekends to make it turn out so perfectly. I didn’t care, if took my mind off my own problems.

After dinner, everyone went back to the hotel and headed for the nightclub. Sterling reserved it for after dinner drinks, more hors’d’ouerves, and a band if anyone wanted to dance. The population at Sterling was young so the party really took off now.

The mood was jovial, the music was pumping. Tonight everyone was happy – tomorrow the competition would be on again. I wore a black cocktail dress for the occasion. I bought it on the run without trying it on. It was very form fitting and I was pleased at the way it draped on me. My only complaint was the bust line was lower than I thought – it wasn’t me. If Dan were alive he’d be saying, “too much cleavage, save that for me.”

As I came upon Miranda and Barbara, they smiled at me sweetly, “great party.” They had the guilty look of someone who was just talking about you and stopped abruptly when they saw you. Funny, there were still rumors about me and Jack but no one ever knew about Tony. I guess they were never going to let this go.

“Julie, you look hot,” exclaimed Manny, my young friend who ran the cafeteria, “let’s dance.”

“Boogie Wonderland” was playing and I couldn’t resist Manny’s invitation. I love to dance and the 20 yr old Julie got up on the floor with Manny. I was having a great time jumping up, sliding, doing all my “moves.” Before I knew it, everyone was on the floor following me and Manny. As we were sliding across the floor, I could feel the smile on my face getting wider and wider. I knew I was supposed to be a dignified professional tonight but I was in too good a mood to care – I really let go. I’m sure some people thought I had too much to drink, but I was just enjoying the moment.

I could feel Tony’s eyes on me.

“What did you think Mr. Raniere that I would wilt away pining over you? I’ll show you,” I thought.

We finally came off the dance floor with big smiles and feeling breathless.

“Julie, you’re the best,” Manny laughed, “I’ll dance with you anytime.”

“Ditto Manny,” I laughed.

As we were walking to our table, one of Andrea’s customers, Mel Freibel, slid up behind me and put his arm around my middle. “Jules honey, you’re really putting it out there,” he slurred his words, “come on and dance with me.”

He disgusted me and I tried to pull away from him but he got more obnoxious holding me in a bear hug.

“Please Mel, you need to let me go.”

I didn’t want to make a scene. Before Mel could respond, Tony came from behind him and lifted him straight off the floor. As Tony was about to swing, Jack stepped in.

“Mel, let me buy you a drink.” Mel was too drunk to know what was going on as Jack whisked him away.

I stood there bewildered and embarrassed. Just then the band played a love song. I wasn’t feeling very loved at the moment. I started to walk out of the room feeling really deflated.

“I think this dance is mine,” Tony said his eyes flashing.

I was speechless. He pulled me close to him and looked intently into my eyes, never wavering. We never spoke a word the whole dance but I felt that crazy connection again. When Tony held me my body was on fire.

“What do you want from me Tony,” I thought. I tried not to look at him but I couldn’t keep it up. I looked straight into his eyes and was hypnotized for the rest of the dance as he held me so close I could hear his heart beating.

When the dance was over, he walked me to my table and disappeared. He left me there feeling emotionally naked. What was everyone thinking now? They couldn’t mistake how I felt. I was tired of feeling embarrassed and hurt. As long as I was near Tony, this would never stop.

My body betrayed me and I was so angry at myself. My heart pumping, I dashed to the Ladies Room. I needed to be out of plain sight. I could feel the anger rising in me and I just wanted to strike Tony, and force him to feel some of my pain.

“I’m going to hand in my resignation on Monday,” I vowed as I fixed my makeup. “He’ll torture me to the end of my days if I don’t leave.”

As I made my tenth trip from the bar to the front desk to make sure everyone’s room reservations were okay, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I had taken a short cut so I was in an empty hallway near the kitchen.

“You look really hot mama,” hissed Mel. “Why don’t you come to my room for a nightcap?”

He didn’t look so drunk now, just the ugliness of lust on his face. I heard some voices in the background and saw that he was with two other friends who were leering at me the same way.

As I started to get an empty feeling at the pit of my stomach, I looked around the hallway to see how I could escape them and get out of there.

“Mel, why don’t you go to your room and I’ll meet you there in twenty minutes. I still have some errands to run,” I said as I tried to pass him.

“Not so fast sweetie,” Mel looked at his friends and laughed, “why not come now. I’ll take you.”

I was starting to panic but knew I couldn’t show that. “Mel you have a wife and kids,” I looked at him point blank, “so what the hell are you doing? I don’t think you want your career ruined over this.”

He smacked me and I was so shocked I couldn’t move. I tried to pull away, but now his friends were surrounding me too.

“You know baby, we don’t have to go to my room, maybe you like it standing up…”

Before he could get the words out, Tony came at him like a whirling dervish. Mel went flying through the kitchen doors, and as his friends tried to jump Tony, he flattened them like this morning’s pancakes. They were lying on the floor groaning.

Mel got up and screamed at Tony, “What’s the matter a**hole, you want her for yourself?”

He shouldn’t have said that. Tony’s face was distorted in rage and he landed a right, a left, a right, a left, till Mel was down. He lay on the floor bloodied, looking dazed.

Mel and his friends eventually got up and as Tony walked towards them, they raised their hands as if to say enough.

“I guess I should thank you, you saved my life” I cried.

Tony didn’t say anything but took my arm and walked me to my room.

“Maybe if you hadn’t worn that dress you wouldn’t have been a target,” Tony screamed.

I was horrified. I thought I escaped getting hurt but maybe the worst was yet to come.

I felt uncontrollable rage come over me and I started punching Tony and I couldn’t stop. He just stood there.

“You miserable piece of sh*t, how can you even say that to me!” I stopped punching him now as I sat exhausted on the bed. I couldn’t take any more for one evening. I just collapsed on the bed and started crying a river of tears, no end in sight.

“Please don’t cry, please don’t cry, I’m really sorry,” pleaded Tony.

“I can’t do this anymore Julie,” Tony gasped. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much that I can’t live with the pain any more. My time with you was the only happy time I can remember in my whole life. The day Mia lost the baby, I was coming over to your house to propose to you. I wanted to be with you for the rest of our lives.

Seeing Mia like that, I knew I had to get some help for her and myself. I didn’t want to drag you into my mess and ruin your life as well. These last five months have been hell for me. You think it didn’t kill me to pass you in the hallway. You think I didn’t have you on my mind every waking hour of the day. I did this for you so you could be free to find a man that deserves you,” Tony slumped down as he got these last words out.

As I looked into his eyes as he was talking, the pain there was overwhelming.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth now?” I asked angrily. “You can’t seem to keep your word,” I cried.

“Julie, if I can’t be with you, I might as well be dead. You’re in my thoughts day and night – I can’t eat and I can’t sleep.”

“I have been going for help and I’m learning not to run away. Give me another chance and I’ll prove to you that I’ll never leave you again.”

I put my head in my hands, I was so confused, but I couldn’t let him go.

As we looked into each other’s eyes, we started to cry as we held each other tightly. I had missed Tony so much, and the way his heart was beating I knew he felt the same way. We were two life forces that could not be separated and as he kissed me I couldn’t help but respond.

Five months of being separated evaporated as his strong arms caressed me and pulled me closer and closer to him. There was no way I could resist as the kisses got longer and deeper as he wrapped his body around mine. Our passion had no bounds.

As we lay there in each other’s arms, we both knew we could never be parted again. Tony smiled and stroked my hair, kissed my eyes, kissed my nose, and as he was getting to my lips, the phone rang.

I laughed, “who can that be now?”

“Hello.”

“Mom, it’s Tommy. You need to get to Brookside hospital right away. There’s been an accident.”

My heart stopped. “Richie went to give Janet a ride, and someone shot them. It’s serious Mom, I’m sending down one of my friends to pick you up. I’m at the hospital now.”

I sat back down on the bed speechless, holding the phone even though Tommy had hung up.

“Julie, speak to me, what’s going on?”

I could barely get the words out, I felt faint. Tony shook his head in sadness and held me tightly,
“Don’t worry Julie, we’ll work this out, I’m here for you.”