Starting Over – Chapter Ten

Chapter 10

“What a picture perfect spring day,” Tony thought as he was driving home from work. He was thinking about the last three months with Julie. Her laughter, the way she looked at him, and that smile, that smile that lit the fire in his heart.

“Is this what love felt like?” he wondered, because he never felt like this before. He could feel his heart beating faster whenever she was near him. When she made him his favorite coffee for breakfast and then for no reason at all kissed his forehead as he tried to drink it. She laughed and pulled away as he tried to pull her to him. But that fire in her, she never pulled away for long. Julie let him know how much she loved him in so many unspoken ways.

Julie never interfered with his relationship with his daughter Mia. Quite the opposite, Julie made sure Tony was home when Mia was there.

Those were the painful times, when he couldn’t be with Julie, he felt like a restless tiger, pacing back and forth till he could be with her again. Tony lost total control of his emotions, love was the puppet master now. Even though this new feeling was scary, he found he couldn’t do without it or her.

“What would it be like to come home to Julie every night?” he thought as he imagined her welcoming him at the door and running into his arms. “Hi honey,” she would say as she hugged him tightly. They would sit down to dinner and talk about the day and share their stories.

Julie’s sons would pop in and they could all laugh together and maybe Mia would be living with them, happy with her new family. She would be welcomed as one of the kids. .

Tony never believed in soulmates, but he knew this must be what it feels like. To belong so totally to someone you love, to know you can trust them and they have your back. This ultimate connection to another human being was so powerful and all consuming. Whoever said “love hurts” knew what they were talking about.

What was that thing he didn’t want to do anymore, oh yes, it was MARRIAGE. Tony knew he couldn’t go on like this, he had to be with Julie always. Last week he bought an engagement ring for Julie but didn’t have the courage to propose. Tonight was the night. Mia was in her dorm and Tony could be out all night. He kind of chuckled imagining the look on Julie’s face.

“What if she doesn’t say yes!” he said out loud and started to perspire profusely. No, he knew she felt the same way he did, or at least tonight he would find out.

Tony walked to the front door of his house whistling and as he put the key in the door opened by itself. He thought maybe Mia had dropped by at lunch and forgot to lock up when she left. “Kids!”

As he opened the front door, Tony heard muffled cries from the upstairs bathroom. His heart started pounding as he ran up the stairs, and he flung the bathroom door open and there was Mia, her hands covered in blood, and a small body covered in blood on the floor beneath her.

Tony looked in disbelief, feeling his body turn to stone. He didn’t know what he was seeing. Mia pregnant, how could this be? It took all the self control he had to calm down enough to help her.

She was sobbing uncontrollably and Tony bent over to pick up the small body. So tiny it could fit in the palm of his hand. It was a baby girl – the umbilical cord still wrapped around its neck. He realized that Mia had tried to deliver the baby herself but the baby was strangled by the cord. Mia was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably and she didn’t seem to hear her father’s cries.

Tony took out his cell phone and called Jack. When he arrived, he found Tony sitting on the floor outside the bathroom with what looked like a doll in his hands rocking back and forth. As Jack got closer he was horrified to see it was a baby.

“Where’s Mia?” Jack screamed. Tony pointed to the toilet and there Mia sat, with blood running down her legs, staring into space.

“Jack, meet my granddaughter,” Tony was crying hysterically now. The usually carefree Jack choked back a sob as Tony tried to explain what happened.

Jack hugged Tony and took the baby out of his hands and went to Mia’s bedroom, found a small blanket, and wrapped the baby in it. He brought it downstairs so it was out of sight. He kissed the dead little girl before he wrapped the blanket around her.

He went to Tony and hugged him and through his own tears he said, ‘Tony, you need to get hold of yourself for Mia’s sake. We need to help her.”

The thought of Mia quickly sobered Tony and he and Jack gently cleaned Mia and put her pajamas on her. She was rigid, as if frozen in time. Her body was cold and she cringed at their touch.

“I just called 911 and an ambulance is on the way Tony!” Jack yelled from downstairs.

While they waited, Tony could only stare at his little girl. Mia looked like a porcelain doll, all scrunched up at the edge of her bed, wearing pajamas, her hair tied back in a pony tail, her huge green eyes staring innocently into space. Her face as white as the marble on the bathroom floor.

Mia didn’t know where she was and she looked past Tony as if he wasn’t there. Humming her favorite lullabye, she kept picking at her arms, as if removing something repugnant from them, her face an eerie vacant mask.

The ambulance and police arrived with sirens blazing. As they swarmed the house, the paramedics checked Mia and the dead baby, while the police questioned Tony. Between Tony’s story and the paramedics report, the police were satisfied this was an accident.

Tony rode with Mia in the ambulance and Jack followed in his car. They were at the hospital for hours before Mia was finally asleep. Tony spoke quietly to his friend, he was so terribly drained, so exhausted, he couldn’t get the picture of Mia and the baby out of his mind.

“Is this my fault Jack?” Tony whispered as he sat there shaking. “Was I selfish because I wanted to find love for myself, is that why this happened?”

“Stop blaming yourself Tony,” Jack said softly as he wiped the perspiration from his forehead.
“Mia got in with the wrong crowd, she was in way over her head.”

“You know, when Genna and I divorced, all Mia wanted to do was be close with me, talk to me about it. I just couldn’t. You know me Jack, I retreated inside, and unintentionally froze Mia out. But what does it matter if I meant to or not, it still had the same damaging effect.”

“She has a mother too Tony!” Jack was angry now. “Her mother was more concerned about getting laid than taking care of her own daughter. Believe me Tony, Tommy Gallagher wasn’t the only man Genna slept with. You seemed happy so I didn’t want to rock the boat and tell you. I regret that now.”

“It doesn’t matter Jack, who cares now. My little girl tried to deliver her own baby by herself. Can you imagine how scared she must have been? And she didn’t feel she could trust me or her mother to help her, and that’s the truth Jack, we both failed…” Tony had no breath left to talk.

“Tony, you want me to call Julie and let her know what’s happened?”

“I can’t think about Julie now Jack, I have to help my daughter and get some help for myself.” Tony said that with such profound sadness. Jack knew he couldn’t interfere. As he pulled away he heard the wailing, it didn’t sound human, so loud and so pained that Tony must have been breaking up into a million pieces as he screamed alone in that house.

“Poor Tony, poor Mia,” Jack pondered as he wiped another tear from his eye, “and poor Julie, no one will ever be the same.”