Are you Quarrelsome, Easily angered, Impatient
Are you quarrelsome, Easily angered, Impatient? Whatever your answer, how do you judge and do you do it correctly? Would you know if you were \ a person who is causing yourself and others a lot of trouble with “blowing your stack”, flipping your lid”, or “giving a piece of your mind? You may have better expression than these.
Did you think that PATIENCE or the lack of it could be the cause? I and many of you may consider ourselves patient and even tempered when we are actually NOT. If you are in your car and having outbursts in fairly normal traffic, you have a problem. That may be one way to gauge your temperament. If you are in your car twice a day, riling yourself up and getting to your work or home with bulging eyes and a red face, you have a problem. Some of us may be patient in some situations and not in others, so it is hard to realize that we, ourselves are the problem, and not all the other IDIOTS around us.
Are you easily angered? How do you compare and to what? I always considered myself patient and tolerant person and I was, but I moved straight South 300 miles and I had to CALM MYSELF DOWN . These people down here Stay CALM: time and people are given a lot of leeway in some places. . I recently visited NEW York City and I knew to SPEED myself UP and make sure I did not WASTE time. If I got in a line, I better be thoroughly prepared and not have questions. I traveled in Italy and I still remember “NO PROBLEMA, NO PROBLEMA. I also visited Paris, and I loved everything but the French seemed angry and very impatient. Since I came from a fast paced city, impatient, angry people were fairly normal for me.
The size of the city does not, necessarily determine their place or tolerance. I traveled in London and the people were very patient and kind to me. I made quick judgements of some of these places, and I may have been wrong. We judge ourselves, others, and places, and we may be wrong. We may cause ourselves problems when we expect others to be LIKE US when they are not like us. We get angry when we fail to allow for differences. So PATIENCE and TOLERANCE may be the key to staying CALM and ENJOYING people and life in general.
For some reason, I had loads of patience with children, but not much with adults. I worked in schools for thirty years, so that must have been true. I realized fairly recently that I was not tolerant enough of people in many situations. I have learned to stay calm and quite polite in most of my encounters in life. The waitress ignores me, the clerk is having a conversation unconcerned about me, my question is answered with “I dunno” and I just stay calm and polite. I expect all this, and I don’t want to cause these people a problem. I try to spread a little joy as I go. Life is hard for all of us and I would like to be more patient and tolerant, and polite and it works better for me.
Writing this, I am reminded that TEMPER and POLITENESS are opposites. I may still need to improve myself and have more patience and less need to expect my needs to be met quickly and more of the time. My blood pressure has always been low so some of us may be KILLING ourselves with this ANGRY, vitriolic state of mind. Many people have UNEXPRESSED ANGER and that can be the worst Kind. You cannot wait to get the PINT and GET AWAY from EVERYONE. So drinking and isolation and relationship failures may just be a result of EXPECTING the world to operate according to our needs and expectations MORE than it does.
Somebody said, “I smile when I hit myself with a hammer”. How many of us try to smile in any and all situations? I definitely have work to do to become more tolerant and patient. I have work to do sharing the space with numerous others of all varieties and to SMILE in the process. My country had a lot of senseless shootings and all are caused by ANGRY individuals who think the OTHER PEOPLE are the PROBLEM.
PATIENCE or the lack of it is a cause for most anger. If you are the type to drive and seeth and rage instead of enjoying the ride, YOU have an ANGER problem and that may just be part of the story. You continue to seethe and rage for most of your day. Being ANGRY may be covering a lot of SADNESS, so all of us need to be tolerant of the angry people instead of feeling we need to TEACH THEM A LESSON. Tolerance and patience are taught by example.
When you encounter others, are you thinking of making them smile and are you smiling at them? Is that idea in your head any of the time? It NEEDS to be. IN EVERY situation could you say that you try to make it a happy situation for the OTHER GUY? We all HAVE A LESSON to teach ourselves. For the most part, YOU GET what you GIVE. If you are BAD TEMPERED and are QUARRELSOME and IMPATIENT, do you like yourself that way and are you HAPPY? You are probably quite MISERABLE in spite of having no more problems than many others. ANGER is normal, but too much of it will DESTROY US.
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I am one who does not suffer fools….at all.
OK Waylander but the world is full of them LOL. I would say that there are fools and then there are fools.I do try to understand not everyone who does something foolish is doing it to just anger me.Then there are the idiots of various kinds and those that just like to stir things up I’ve no time for them.
I have to admit to being irritated but I do my best not to show it People always say to me…….Oh things don’t bother you, you are always so calm.
Not true , not true. I’m a tidy person, in my studio there is a place for everything and I expect it to be there. I’ve schooled myself this way because I don’t want to spend my life looking for things. Ah yes as I get older this is more important as my memory is not as sharp as it once was. So I try to be regimented in putting things in the ‘right’ place even in my purse and wallet LOL! Crazy old woman I know it but I don’t want to feel panic thinking I’ve lost my credit card because I put it in the wrong space. So if I go to the drawer for a particular tool and someone has not returned it to the correct space, I’m irritated and I mutter about it and on occasion snap! I do a lot of internal talking to myself, pointing out people don’t do these actions to anger me, they are just not organized, not focussed, my expectations too high. In fact I do try to lower my expectations and not expect too much of people. I would say I am very slow to anger, I try to take the long view from all sides and avoid anger. However……and this is something I’m not proud of…if I do get seriously angry with someone, that is it, good bye, you don’t exist I do bare a grudge and try as I might I find it impossible to get back to how things were before my anger. I’m going to have to live another life to learn total forgiveness. There may be more credit to those who have a short fuse, blow up and then it is all gone as quickly as it arose OK we are all different life would be dull if we were all the same.
I would not class myself as bad tempered, argumentive or impatient……..but neither could I stand and continue to smile sweetly if I was being ignored while a clerk, shop assistant, whoever was stood chatting about non related work stuff to a friend/colleague……….no I don’t see why I would have to practice patience in that situation………..I have no patience with people who i know for a fact are gossips and fabricators of the truth, I don’t give them the time of day…….again why would I practice patience with such people………I acknowledge staff with a few words and a smile, and expect the same back……….it would just be to exhausting to practice mindfulness all the time………..unless of course you really are a foul tempered impatient buffoon……..but the chance of changing are very slim…….
rockflower, I wish I were more like you in keeping more things in order but as I got older, I have let go and let more people do things their way. So, I have mellowed.
Forgiveness is a complicated subject, but when people do things that I changes my good opinion of them, nothing I can do will change who they are, so I find it impossible to have the same relationship with them that I once did. I may forgive them, but that cannot mend the damaged relationship. If a person realizes they are wrong and tries to make amends and tries to do better, then a relationship may be restored.
I do try to put people ahead of things unless people are just careless and negligent with my things which should not be tolerated. This is not to be confused with a person who is just sloppy and lays things down where they were used.
Starlette, I find gossipers as dangerous as a pile of poisonous snakes. They are very dangerous and I treat them accordingly, so I don’t think patience is an issue with people that do mild or serious damage to you. The rest is just a matter of how tolerant you want to be. I am tolerant of working people but I may ask them to help if I am in a hurry but I will ask them to help without getting angry or hostile. Usually they will hop to it and apologize.
If I can, I like to keep things pleasant, if I have a flight it spoils my day to some extent.
We are just human……we are trying to be good and that is the best we can do. Like you Starlette I don’t like mean gossip, no need to be hurtful or mean about anyone and I guess we all know someone who delights in putting other people down and relishes misfortune in the lives of others.These people can take a sliver of information and creatively build on it to make themselves seem so wise and in the know.When I get good service from a business, shop or officialdom….I do make a point of acknowledging it because if I get inferior treatment I acknowledge that too. I do try to complain fairly and politely but I will complain. I’m always touched when people show kindness, it’s lovely even if the kindness is not actually directed at me.I always acknowledge when someone holds a door for me , have you noticed how heavy some commercial doors are and they snapback , plus here we have a strong wind more often than not LOL.
Roseinbloom…..I try to be patient if someone has not put something where it should be, I go about muttering …do as you would be done unto, God knows I’m not perfect and about the house I can be patient to a fair degree but in my studio….don’t mess with my tools @#!&^%@!!!!. I also find it very frustrating when certain people do not put garden tools away and I have to walk about looking for them. It is then I air my collection of swear words but only me and the birds hear them LOL!
Rockflower, I am not perfect, but I keep working on it. Since I am retired. I have sympathy for the workers pulling their shift that I try to ignore a litlle lag in service to me. Most of the time, I am not in a rush.
well !! i think this is a marvellous question ,do we anger easily, i don’t i brew…. i stay neutral when i am condemened , to a point , save it and then let them have it to their face … i think thats perfectly natural . one must have their say eventually especially when the whipserers get through with you …. i think i am prefectly normal i like people who like me , i don’t like people who don’t like me and stir mischief and then hold themselves up as miss or mr wonderful .we all make mistakes in life no one is impervious to this, we are all human , but the one thing i can’t stand is those who talk about others and then critisize, as if they have done no wrong in their lives i can’t be bothered with gossips either, sometime people imagine they are being gossiped about better to say how you feel and get on with life and stay mute, and ignore those who’s only way is to constantly critisize others for what they imagine, so what i think is there’s a little of all that in everyone ….
Must agree with Waylander’s perspective on this. I please myself in every respect no matter who likes or dislikes it.( except my parents), I owe nobody anything. I care nothing for the opinions of others. I am selfish and spoiled. It has always served me well. That being said, I do not go out of my way to offend anybody unless they hurt me or disrespect me, then it is a good idea for them to walk away quickly. I usually preface offensive remarks with a warning but I will not bite my tongue in order to pretend I agree when I do not or so that I spare the feelings of a moron. I can be sarcastic in the extreme and those who experience it, deserve it. My temper is a volatile thing. If I am peeked enough I will rip somebody a new one. If I am only slightly annoyed, I will be quiet and wait until I can really stick it to the offender in a big, very public way. Vengeful? Who me, nahh, never. lol Reading this one would think me mean and hard to get along with.
Nope, I am very personable, loyal to a fault, ( with those who reciprocate), and easy to know. I have no problem being friendly, am often told I am very understanding, and many times have people spill their guts to me without invitation, they just gush as tho they think I can make them feel better. I ask them questions until they have a realization and then I make my escape. Oh lastly, I love to smile at people who don’t like me. It feels almost as good as sticking out my tongue at them and I KNOW it is far more effective. lol lol I don’t know about gossip, never did it and have no interest in it. I was raised around people who said what was on their mind or didn’t. I never knew anybody who talked behind people’s backs or said one thing and meant another. That simple. I know what gossip is now, and I still don’t get why anybody even cares what others are doing or saying or how they are acting or what they wear or who they kiss or, or , or…ad nauseam. If something impacts you directly, personally then you have a right to remark on it, otherwise STFU, it doesn’t concern you. Some people just need extra drama in their lives I guess. Personally I have enough just living everyday in this world. As for apology, I rarely ever do apologize. I don”t feel that I need to because I don’t hurt people unless I really mean to. If I bump someone in a hall I may say a cursory ,”sorry”, but I hardly think that constitutes a real apology. Apology is; “omg, I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking and I bashed your car, my fault.” or, “So, ya when I slapped you as hard as I could after you tried to kiss me, I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry, wanna try again?” lol Temper temper….wahahahah!!
tessa, I appreciate your reply. It sounds very honest and as you say, it works for you. You are lucky not to have had to deal with a pack of gossipers, but you still have time. Maybe, if you say what you think and don’t give a hoot, they will be less inclined to see you as a victim. You must do a good job of fending the gossipers off.
You make some good points. I am happy to apologize anytime I realize I have wronged another. Usually people apologize to me when they bumped into me and I usually say “my fault” because usually it is my fault. I can be oblivious sometimes.
I probably speak out more than I should.
I appreciate your opinion and as you say it works for you and that is what you want.