Life after 50….Oh The Joys…….
Hello Peeps…….what have you found the hardest about ageing………have you found yourself left alone either through divorce or bereavement………..is it hard finding a new relationship……..how important is the sexual side of it………is it really that important anymore ?……does it matter more to men than to women…..would you seek solace elsewhere but still wish to remain in your marriage………did your life change for the better when you became single again…what are the pitfalls…..what are the bonuses…this may seem like 20 questions, but being as we are short on blogs thought we all must have an opinion on every day problems that we may encounter as we age……..your identity will be closely guarded……and your replies kept in strict confidence…..lol….c’mon guys and gals…either serious or humorous comments…….any will do….
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When I was 50,I thought I would retire in 15 years…The GFC turned that into 25 years…Oh well,I thought (naively)…things will improve…..I divorced at 60,and imagined that my “Sexual renaissance “was imminent……By the time I was 70..I was still with hands on hips and tapping one foot and waiting for it all to happen…..Hmmmm. Mebbe a change of tactics was needed…… OK ! New wardrobe..style cut hair….mebbe a tint ? Nah!white looks distinguished….Oh yes ! A new car..a real chick magnet…get me cataracts fixed…. Go to the gym every morning…TA DAHHHH, OK ladies, Take a number and join the queue….Just a moment girls,,,My GPs ringing,,wants a chat,,BBS…….”Pull yourself together ,man, nobody wants to see a grown man cry “(says he, after the chat)…..
When I was 50,I thought I could retire in 15 years…..The GFC strung that out to 25 years…..Oh well…. At 60 ,I divorced and imagined my sexual renaissance was about to begin….Time I was 75 and newly retired,I was still waiting, so I thought..Time to change tactics my man……Ok..Join a gym..work out every day…new wardrobe…style cut hair….Hmmm, tint maybe..Nah, white is distinguished…Oh yes..A new car..A real chick magnet….Clean and overhaul my house..curtains,floor coverings, new mattress, (the old one had given sterling service, but was starting to collapse)…Yep ! That should do it !…OK Girls,take a number and join the queue……Ummmm. Over here Ladies…yoo hoo, (Jumps up and waves hands)…..Bugga !
Haaaaa Capps…..you really should put pen to paper and write some blogs……..you are funny…….lots on SC must have life stories to share……..some funny….some sad……we experience them all through our life…….so your male menopause was getting a very low two seater car, and from what I observe the older man struggles to get into, and on his knees twisting and turning to get out of it……but Hey Ho the exhilarating feeling he gets when zooming along with the wind blowing through his few strands of combed over hair……..you would have to hope to attract a young chic cos the older women would certainly not keep her dignity and composure trying to lever herself into your chic magnet………and the wind blowing through her Silver locks…..not a good look……..one consolation, your mattress felt some good times ( if only it could talk…….or pant and moan )……….so its fair to say you never got your eagerly awaited chic………but you still have your memories of some damn good past times I am guessing…….. when one has lived alone for a number of years its not easy to live with someone again and adapt and compromise……..my solution…….keep your own roof but find a companion to go out and about with, holidays etc……maybe an over night sleepover now and again….like a pyjama party…..what fun…….lol….
Sorry about the double reply,Star…I thought the first hadn’t gone thru…was lost in the ether….Oh..And thank you for your suggestions for my future seductions….Always good to have a ladies input. 🙂
You deffo need a ladies input if you have seduction in mind…….but then again we live in a liberated society…..lol
Every stage of life has it challenges and that may be my consolation to aging. I don’t have to go to work and I am still able to get around fairly normally. My vision is still good and so is hearing. Everything is temporary and health could change at any moment so relationships cannot be expected to last long. A sister was widowed after 46 years of marriage and in 4 years she remarried and became a widow. I am wondering if she will want to try it again. So far, she says she is not interested in a relationship and has moved in with a sister out in the country. So, that is one way to deal with life changes.
Starlette, I think I can agree with you, it is good to keep two homes. My sister moved into the husband’s home, got rid of her furniture and no has no home of her own and no furniture either. The home was in a place away from family and not a fun area. The husband died, the children got the home, and my sister is poorer than before and 72. The man died of lung cancer. He must have known that he was sick, so that is another issue. There needs to be some honest disclosure about health issues.
I guess, I am back to square one, aging is about being flexible and bracing ourself for some quick changes.
Hello Rose…….all excellent points to consider………to be widowed later in life and remarry again I dont know……..I am very cautious and dont think I would want to get attached again, and maybe risk losing another partner which I know is inevitable unless I popped off first…..also regarding the possessions and property…….if they are lost through death or divorce its very unlikely they will ever be attained again in the aging years……that happened to one of my friends, she divorced and eventually lived with another partner putting the proceeds of her former home into a new house which they shared, she chose not to marry again because she didn’t feel the need……. one day her partner went to work and didn’t return home, he had a heart attack at work and died…although she could have stayed in the house until she died it would never have been hers, she moved after one more night there and his daughter inherited the house, she had three adult children of her own………anyway she now lives in a council flat and is happy enough, but her oldest son always resents the fact that she has worked hard all of her life for what he sees nothing, well no financial assets as it were…lesson learned…..
Right starlette, lesson learned. I have bought a home with my current partner. I know the law as I have been trained. The house will transfer to the other person when one dies, which is fair. The worst thing about aging is “popping off” with little or no notice or getting debilitated. The health is going to get worse and there is no doubt about it. I did start a gym program to get more strength and energy. It worked, but it is not a cure.
Hello Rose….glad you have things in place financially……not being nosy, but when your partner dies, should you go first, will the house be sold and both your children (if he has any) benefit from the sale….you can do no more than try and keep fit and healthy and retain your strengh
Starlette, if I open up a topic, I don’t think it is rude to ask questions, since I don’t have to answer if I do not choose. I am glad you are interested. If I die first, I don’t need anything further and my partner will have the house to live in and enjoy or have to sell and dispose of. I think that is fair. In this country, you can buy property together and it passes automatically to the other upon death, which in our case is fair and we both made that decision when we bought the property. I would like to hear about what more I can do.
Hi Rose…….my friend remarried and her new husband is also a divorcee…like yourself they bought a new house together…whoever out lives the other gets the house, then when the remaining spouse dies the house is sold and the proceeds is split between their children, they both have family and that is written in the will……I suppose if the surviving spouse should ever need to go into residential care then that could mean the house being sold to fund their care…thats the way its done over here…..unless of course the children were able to pay for their care…….but in a way they would be spending their inheritance anyway so the answer would be to sell…….also I have friends who already have signed their property over to their children so the property cannot be sold to fund their care should they have to go into a residential home……has to be a seven year gap in between signing over and going into care….its a minefield….lol…stay wellRose its easier…
Starlette. People make different choices depending on what they are comfortable with In the US people also transfer their asset to escape taxes and for other reasons. I won’t stay well.We don’t get out of this world alive. We go quickly or slowly. Sad but true. Most of us just want to escape incapacitation.
We have state care if you qualify. Most people have to use their assets, but I think you can keep the home. If one of us need long term care, that may be a problem.
There are some freedoms that come with age, which I had not really expected. Little things. like not colouring hair and learning to be a little selfish and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I shelved the guilt, I don’t beat myself up over little things. I assert myself more , politely I hope. My husband has been ill and not the same guy I married for a long time, so the relationship is one of nursing and housekeeping mother. I do feel intense loyalty but if I’m absolutely honest and I feel I can be as we have some anonymity here…there is not much else. Poor guy cannot hear much and does not talk so it is difficult. Would I marry again? no, would I get into a relationship….unlikely, well lets face it I’ve forgotten how LOL! I like men and would miss male companionship but is it bad of me to say,that I’m weary of looking after someone?
Is sex missed differently by men or women…..I don’t think the breakdown is between the genders…..it is just different for different people as it is for people throughout life. I don’t think the sex drive changes with age all that much. However the emotional need might still be there but illness, surgeries or just medication can all impose changes.Then there is loss of partner, it takes a lot of energy to find new relationships but if anyone does find someone good luck, you have my blessing.
I think I’m reasonable fortunate, my little dogs keep me going, I talk to them all day long. I have my art stuff to do and this brings me in contact with clients and friends. I listen to the radio all the time and I do have a few correspondents round the globe to email with. My main problem is not being able to garden like I once did and walking in the woods is difficult the arthritic ankle,hip and toes make balance problematical … I miss that a lot. Having been on a long term drug, I blame it for allergies I now have. Still in the great scheme of things I’ve nothing to moan about. We all get old if we are lucky, just accept what happens and get on with life.
Rockflower, you are among friends, and most people in a care taking role get tired of it. You really have a full life with all that you do. I am impressed. The problem with aging is that loss of vitality is all we can expect. We are just lucky if we can do it slowly. We don’t have to like it.
Hello Rock….I thank you for your honesty……there are so many many people can relate to many of the negatives you state……the caring part……how many are now having to do this for one or the other in later years when the energy and physical strength are depleting…….I would say its a natural emotion to resent it at times and be on a short fuse…….buttttt its in most peoples nature to accept and do it, we see it as our duty and out of love for the person we once knew… the freedoms I have found are the same as yours….lots of things which at one time would have had me fretting now go over my head, petty stuff anyway……I think its imperative to have some companionship in your life in whatever form…….loneliness is a killer and I am pleased to say agencies are attempting to deal with the problem over here by introducing phone contact numbers for those in need of a chat. Lots of men and women are looking for love or companionship after late divorces, and many go into without thinking to much about the implications, financial and families, it is not easy with past baggage as it were……but like you I wish them all the best if they find what they are looking for…….
Just to let you know, I like your blog, Star. I wrote a long comment yesterday and tried to post it, it disappeared into thin air. After all that work, I was too frustrated to write it again. I’m having lots of complications lately on Chatters. Maybe it’s the ads, I don’t know. I wonder if anyone else is having problems posting comments?
Glad that this one went through!
Hello Rose….I have done that before but was my own fault…..written a book just about, and then cleared it of by mistake, then thought sod it I am not typing it all out again……dont know what problems you are having though…anyway ty for the long reply even though I didn’t get to see it…lol..
Hello just read the previous comments on this subject and thought I would add my own experience so far . I am now 64 a mother of six and divorced eight years ago after a 25 year marriage it was a relief and I’m so pleased we separated and now friends so big positive . I am also very grateful for good health which I value so much and trying hard to improve my energy and strength keeping active and eating well . My children are very important to me and I support them when ever I can I love animals and miss not having dogs as I’m still working and now live in a rented flat but planning to get another cat . I am lucky enough to share the flat with my youngest son who is in his early twenties . I had a three year relationship after my divorce which ended in tears ….I am a lot wiser and stronger and I agree it is so important to have your own home . I realise it would be hard for me to set up home with another man but I do miss not having a relationship , I have tried dating sites but have reservations it is hard to physically meet like minded people these days , I am happy with my age and love the wisdom that comes with it also happy that my values have changed with age I think I am now a much nicer person .
Hello Busybee……Who oh why cannot we be wise when younger……..shame wisdom has to be gained through life’s trials and tribulations………..the dating game….I guess its all trial and error, but at least you know more what will suit you in your life……..I dont know if men are more ready to give up their homes and move in with a partner than maybe women are…..……a women I knew married a man she met and moved in with him, she spent hundreds on new carpets and furnishings to make it into a lovely home, he hadn’t bothered that much, within a few months she had moved out into a council bungalow because she couldn’t live with him, I dont know why, but they are still married and see each other just as they did before marriage……..so may as well have stayed in the relationship they had previously………I suppose if you meet someone you have to be honest in just what you are looking for and expect, its so easy in the first flush of love to think it would be great to live together and all will be fine, very often a few months down the line when the rosy hue has tarnished and reality kicks in the picture looks different …..oh I sound so cynical lol…….but I have been there and done that………..marriage partnerships are hard work and as we get older not so many years left to put the hard work into it, if indeed we want to…….anyway good luck to you on your future either alone or with someone…….if its meant to happen it will, regardless if you go searching or not…….keep the smile on your face and that way you will always be more approachable……
BusyBee. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I think in many ways most of us do become nicer as we get older, life is not so black and white as it is perhaps when we are younger.On the other hand we have habits which are fully formed,so it is not quite so easy to take on and change into another person’s style of living, without hankering after your own style. I also think modern life does not offer the same kind of opportunities to meet someone without feeling you are being judged as available in a kind of “meat’market. How much easier to meet people with out that pressure and be able to interact on a general level getting to know someone as a person first not as a potential partner. To see that person amongst other people you know and see their interactions with others. I think too that learning to know yourself and being comfortable with who you are is good although I understand not having a close confident can be lonely. So happy you have your children and hope you will be able to have a dog again some time. Best wishes……
Hello starlette it was interesting to read your comments and many thanks for your advice, however I was trying to convey a message regarding the positive side of aging and gratitude for both the positive and not so positive experiences one encounters they both bring the opportunity for growth and learning which are very welcome in my book and I agree that we will all meet the right person /people at just the right moment .
Hi busybee……….good that you can find the positives, and I know there are some, more in attitude and confidence I feel……….I just cannot find the positives re loss of physical ability and looks……but I do try…..and yes I know there are many who are no longer here and we should be thankful for everyday……and I am……….buttttt would still turn the clock back 30 years…lol
I think I’m grateful that I was born in 1943. The only turmoil I remember was the Korean War. My mom had us praying for all our boys at night prayers. Throughout the 40’s and 50’s, life seemed so tra-la, tra-la. Had just radio until 1950, we loved our radio shows. Then television with wonderful homespun shows. So very grateful to have lived through those years. Hardly any cars on the block. Much easier to cross the streets and allies. Many ‘mom and pop’ stores, bakeries and butcher shops. It was GRAND! My children were born in 1964, 1967 and 1970. They also talk about their wonderful childhoods.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when so many things changed. My middle daughter is already becoming frustrated about the changes happening all around her. I’m not talking politics, I mean….her favorite stores closing, her bus line taken away, lots of inconveniences you get used to and GONE!
My grandchildren are ages 21, 19 and 16. They love the changes….mostly in technology though. Different times.
On the whole, I guess you could say we have a nice happy family. Jim and I are finding it is getting more and more difficult owning an very old home but I do what I can and find ‘people’ for services we can’t handle anymore and am blessed I found some really good ones!
Not very worried about how we look, Jim losing his hair, I can’t lose these extra pounds. Our health isn’t great anymore but nothing terrorizing.
My job left town in 2006, Jim’s companies were selling out one after the other, but he works part time now, I think he’d go berzerk without a job!
I hate it that my friends are dying or moving to warmer climates. I kept my dead friend’s so I can hear their voices, it helps.
It helps to come to this blog to express all this. Thank you kindly for writing this, Star.
Hello Rose, and thankyou for replying……….I just think in a way when people speak of their home life, childhood and current situations it sort of helps members to relate more to each other…..