Difficult transition

I have had a very difficult transition from working 50-60 hours a week in a career I truly loved and did not realize how much it had become my identity. I never thought having counseled others over the years going through retirement transition that I would have a hard time, but boy was I wrong. Sadly due to the demands of my career and my love for it I did not make friends much outside of my professional arena and so when I retired of course many of them have either moved on or while we are still in touch a few by face book that connection is not what it used to be. Also I have been single most of my adult life and felt I was fine being that way as I am very independent and able to navigate life without depending on a man to make decisions for me. But boy retirement is so very different and this year has been a tough one. My faith has and will sustain me but I can’t say it is easy by any means, and I owe an apology to any that I was condescending to in the past who were dealing with this issue.
Now I have my DIL and granddaughter and occasionally my son, but he is so busy and like many do not have time or patience for an aging mother. I remember my mothers saying an old Jewish proverb and it is true. “Why can one mother take care of 10 kids but 10 kids cannot take care of one mother”. Now I don’t need taking care of as I live alone and own my home in a 55+ park and work in the yard and keep myself busy keeping my granddaughter usually 2 days a week and I go to church on Sunday. But I am finding it extremely difficult to make connection real connection with people now. Most have already formed their close friendships and if you make an effort they just see you as an interloper. I never had time to develop any talent outside of my career so now I am trying my hand at doing some gardening, last year my neighbors enjoyed watching me try and fail, so far this year I think I am making a better effort and recently built a garden box out front and planted 10 upright fuscia’s in it, hope they live and do well. 🙂
I turned 70 on Feb 24th and while I am still relatively healthy I am beginning to feel my age more each day and that scares me as I have always been active and pretty well done whatever I wanted to do. However, now I am getting arthritis in my hands and at times it is very painful, and I was told 2 weeks ago that my Macular Degeneration that was diagnosed in 2006 is progressing and at some point that is going to take my ability to drive away as it did my mother and there goes my independence.
For me this journey is a big scary and I wish I could just find one close and true good friend to walk along side me who can related and has compassion and heart to be a real friend. I fear it may be too late and the only thing that makes growing old worse is dong it alone with no one to commiserate with and laugh and cry at times together.
Well, today I am off to get a Mammogram and it is raining and has been here so far way too much which makes the days seem even longer and more lonely.
I am really an upbeat happy person and know my faith in God will see me through but this year has not been one I have had much joy in walking.

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  1. This devotion this morning is what I am hanging onto right now
    Friday, April 4, 2014

    John 16:33

    Scripture teaches a number of practical lessons about suffering. First, it’s okay to ask for a different road, as Jesus did, but we should choose God’s will above all. Our best response to adversity is, “God, what do You want me to learn?”

    Second, on the night He was betrayed, Jesus asked close friends to stay awake and pray. We need support and godly relationships, especially during trials. Genuine friends will speak truth kindly and encourage us in Christ. They will also faithfully lift us up in prayer.

    Third, it’s natural to struggle with prayer when pain is intense. During those times, a simple “Help me,” is sufficient. God wants us to acknowledge His Lordship, but He does not expect us to have perfect words. He knows what we need before we ask, and He is able to give us far more than that.

    Fourth, we should resist the temptation to blame. Jesus was betrayed and rejected, yet He asked God to forgive those who crucified Him. Likewise, we shouldn’t blame others for our hurt. By turning to God during tough times, we’re choosing to trust His ultimate authority. Our Father may not have caused the hardship, but He allowed it. And He will use it for His glory and our good.

    The key to suffering is remembering that God is in control and always with His children. In love, He allows pain, but He also places a limit on its length and intensity. You do not hurt apart from the presence of Him who will sustain, help, and eventually bring you through your distress.

  2. Rose I am really going to have to rein my self in here as to what I really would like to say……but here goes…….if I remember correctly a few months ago you had a man friend who made you happy, but you decided to give him up because you felt because you were not married you were sinning……I also remember you saying that you had heard some fella on the radio preaching about the right path in life that we must take……I made a comment then and I will make it again…..this guy you heard preaching is just a mere human like you and I….he is not a messenger of god…what makes you think he knows what is best for you……the bible has many different interpretations,different religions read differing things into it,but I am not here to discuss that……it just seems to me that your life is a constant struggle to follow your religion…….you are a good person and ln my eyes that is what makes a true christian…..you do not appear to be any happier now than when you had your man friend in your life,surely by now shouldn’t you be striving to make yourself happy by whatever means……you say you are lonely so volountry work maybe the answer…..a close companion maybe better….please don’t pass up any opportunities should it be a man that offers this…..I know this is none of my business and I expect to get shot down in flames……but you wrote a blog and I answered it…….hope you find peace and happiness soon…..star. Xx

  3. hello rose, we havn,t spoken much but I do hear you , it is a big transition to leave work and start one,s retirement , think we often go through these big withdrawl symptons, especially when one loves and has dedicated their lives to their work, first , your church should have a Womens or Mothers guild, where you may find a new friend, and to volunteer at something , with your expertise ,you would be in demand, it just means you stepping forward out of your safety zone and making a big effort, thats the way way to meet people, a reading group, perhaps,you may have heard this many times, but no-one else can make you happy, only yourself, so try to think positive , set yourself a goal , just a small one to get you out of the house, that is the main thing, being stuck indoors makes one depressed and unhappy with no aim, so go Rosy my girl, get started on a volunteering project and you will find friends very easily. ifyou want someone to talk to here at any time just leave me a p.m. and we can talk about many things about work,our countries and thats another start. all the best Lani xxx Hugs….

  4. Rose, I have to agree that volunteering is an awesome way to step outside of one’s self and help others.
    A great way to meet other women for friendship is to get involved with a woman’s bible study at your church or better yet check out a study at a different church. As for medical issues where you will be needing assistance in the future, check with your county division of aging. They will have a lot of information to share with you. I had to retire early because of an injury and within 1-1/2 years, my husband divorced me and my father passed away…lots of changes that were devastating to me. I loved my job and yes it was so much a part of my identity. Through some extensive therapy and the Grace of God I survived it. It is difficult to make friends at our age, but there are a lot of us out there looking for friendship. I had to work at it…many days I just wanted to stay home but I put one foot in front of the other and today I have to say I am ok and I also have a wonderful support network. It takes time, you will be ok…God is with us…who can be against?

  5. That Rose is a story that only life can write. You announced a jewish word which requires an english thought:
    Accept what you can’t change, change what you can’t accept. Or even try to.

    Good luck and all the best Michael

  6. Rose…….see this as a new chapter in your life…..I think volunteering is a good idea….the more we give…..the more we receive……and of course you will meet new people…..I agree with Michael…….a lot of life is about acceptance…..realising that change is to be embraced….as to a relationship with a man……well follow your conscience….xxxxxxxx M

  7. Rose, I hear you and I understand. You have been given a lot of advice and when you feel up to it, you may want to accept it. Right now you want one good friend and that is what you need. I do hope you find one soon. You are facing being alone and disabled which is scary. You were the carer and you may need a carer. All this takes an adjustment that is not easy. We all face what you face, and in spite of brave words and good advice, we feel just like you at times. Come to chat and try to cheer yourself up and keep hoping. I am going to take some of the advice given here and get myself more active. I am in the USA and I can talk if you want. Just private message me.

  8. Dear rose4him, I saw this first today although it is just shy of a 5 month old post. Perhaps I overlooked it because I did not know you. Recently we talked in depth. I like you/ am interested in your happiness. I agree closely with roseinbloom. Everyone feels like you at times, even if they say otherwise, & often people (me!) would do well to take their own advice. Faith will strengthen you, however given free will we make choices/our own way in life & an interpretation of the term ‘born again’ is this life of retirement is not like your career life & not to be compared to it. Comparison will prolong discontent & postpone happiness. It is not the rest of a chapter largely written FOR you~ it’s an entire new book, written BY you. Rush it! Embrace it! Create a volume of chapters in it! You spoke to me of your Bucket List – your upcoming zip lining & thoughts of future parachuting. Great! Do it and more. Take the emphasis off of meeting someone & you may meet someone in the course of other objectives. All the best to you, deservedly so.