at least do no harm.

Dalai lama once made a statement, ''if you cant help others, at least don't hurt them''. I did something a couple of days ago--writing a blog--which opened up a huge can of worms, and hurt the exact person I was trying to assist. it was a blog that was a selfish exercise of my own feelings in grief clarification. the blog obviously triggered a huge outlaying of feelings regarding many issues of chat site management, particularly the most recent issue related to the initial thread content. the comments in connection to the blog were overt, raw, and honest--communication is usually a good thing. however in this case, the blog triggered something horrible to happen

I like writing, it helps me work through my feelings. however, I am going to say with total certainty that this is my last participation in any blog content. I also want to say that for the time being, I need to find other things to occupy my time than participate in the chat room services here. my presence in this setting has become disturbing to me on a great scale. despite my obvious upset regarding some of the issues reviewed, ive met many fine people. ive appreciated and learned a great deal. for people seeking a nice place to chat, this can certainly be it some of the time. thank you for the opportunity for allowing me to participate here for the past 18 months. please do not delete my account, as I am a lifetime member, and possibly after some time has passed my perspective will change.

thank you

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Published in Senior Chatters


  1. davidrv

    Catalpa, nobody should be feeling bad after writing a blog. It was an instant in your life and you expressed your feelings. I had no idea about what happens on this site and still don’t. I welcome anyone’s perspective, be it yours or the ones that every one else who commented.
    I was actually inspired by your blog. I happened to see this blog when I was doing my preview just now.
    It always saddens me when I see members disappear. I remember contributors from as far back as 2011 who are silent despite being present. What happened to this carefree atmosphere that I was attracted to back then?
    It is impossible to please everyone. So at least please yourself.
    If you write, I will read.

  2. Scorpio

    There was a great deal of full and frank discussion over your recent blog cat and, I for one, think it was very benifical giving all of us the opportunity to air our views. So don’t think it was negative cat it truly wasn’t ?

  3. Faye

    Scorpio is right Cat. In any web site and for many reasons there are a lot of misconceptions…this one is no different to any of them. Be it gossip, misunderstandings or simply stubborn determination to annoy the heck out of select people it happens more often than anyone will admit to. You wrote a good Blog and it did give some problems a bit of an airing but hopefully people can now move on. I like that people will always stick up for their friends but they also need to see a wider picture from time to time and realize that we are all human and we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them and avoid those mistakes in future.

  4. cefnrider

    If you dont want anyone to answer a blog then you shouldn,t write one.
    Nobody likes it when someone else disagrees with them but I would have
    thought at our age we have accepted sometimes we are wrong andsometimes we are right.
    Its lovely to get praise but we also must realise not everyone agrees with what we say

  5. catalpa Post author

    cef, you are right, however my concern has nothing to do with people disagreeing with me–it has to do with something else completely, that was completely unanticipated and very harmful that occurred as a result of the blog and its many varied comments. and you are also right that I likely do need to grow a thicker skin, possibly something to focus on while I limp in another direction and lick my wounds.

  6. waylander

    Some cans contain worms, others are just blown and are rotten. In either case they need to be opened to find out.

    1. Faye

      “I just learned that stating opinions is a reason for banning.” Where on earth did you get that idea from Rose? I suggest you read the Terms of the site as I don’t recall that ever being written in there and it certainly hasnt been one of Robs rulings stated in the Info Box.

      1. roseinbloom

        Faye, Did you read Lo’s comment on why She banned Saffy? Also, I have been threatened with banning because my political views are opposite one of the monitors and I was blocked from the chat room for months with no reason being given or even told that I was blocked. Maybe my computer, 3 of them, just stopped working, after I took a stand against banning a monitor.
        I think we should let a lot go and go back to about 2012 when I first joined SC.

        1. lo1234

          You left this part out of my comment, Rose, “after several warnings.”

          1. roseinbloom

            Lo, I have never seen you when you were not a good monitor, and I do not want to belabor this point, but I have not heard anything that was a reason to be banned so it does not matter how many times warnings were given.

  7. roseinbloom

    Catalpa, I thought you tried to defend an SCC member that you knew and felt was unjustly treated. I just learned that stating opinions is a reason for banning.
    I hope if I am banned someone will care enough to say something on here as you did. I am glad you are the kind of person that does something to further the cause of justice in an unjust world.
    Remember “All that evil needs to prevail is for good men/women to do nothing”.

    1. catalpa Post author

      rose…yes that was my intent….it went side ways on many levels….onto facebook where the banned person read everything written in the original blog/ comments, thus turning this discussion into a piece of crap for a person who had really needed more confirmation to fully feel like one.

      1. roseinbloom

        Catalpa, Saffy is not a shrinking violet and she did not comprehend what change was expected and now I think she can and she can be charming and wise without being inconsiderate. I did notice a big improvement in Saffy. My computer kept changing her name to Taffy and I was so afraid she would attack me for it but she did not. The computer just decided to change Saffy to a word it recognized. I finally realized what was happening.
        I wish Saffy well and enjoyed many conversations with her.

  8. Faye

    Woops added that in wrong place…for Rose.

  9. whippet2

    i think we have heard enough about this banning thing lets put it to rest now and strive to make s/c a better and a more harmonious chat site get on with life

      1. Maree

        Only by some Way …possibly because they are part of the poison that exists behind the scenes.

        1. Faye

          Maree…I presume you have proof of this so called ‘poison’…preferably in writing…. so something can be done about it.

          1. Faye

            Oh, and I ask this because the Admins or Monitors must have proof of a misdemeanor to actually ban someone from the site.

          2. Maree

            I had proof Faye but no logs Firstly Rob said my email had gone into his spam folder when he finally responded Then he asked for logs. Well at that point i didn’t know how to get them. So lit was swept use the carpet as No proof in Robs eyes. Sorry Rob has the ability to look back especially when I gave dates and approximate times but he chose not to do that To Protect the monitors….end of story…he’s won .. the monitors can say and do what they like when they like and the person ho has invested money into membership is seen as the villain for lack of a better word.

          3. Faye

            Aww..shame you cant copy and paste the logs…and here was you running a chat page (or was it a website) for 20 yrs. Yes Rob can check them and if he deems it to be a minor incident he forgets abut it…his right to do so as the Owner of this site. So no transcripts no “poison”…simple.

      2. lo1234

        Cat you were trying to help a friend. I don’t think anyone would hold that against you, but I’m going to take a guess that it hurt your friend, Saffy, more than anyone else. Perhaps that’s your regret?

        To Waylander, no, this discussion is not being shut down. We are trying to move on past the hurt and damage that has been done to many. Only Rob can take down a blog, or possibly Cat can delete it, or she can request Rob to take it down should she choose to do so.. This blog may be going the same way as the first. Hopefully, not, but it’s not being shut down by Admin.

    1. 2doghouse

      others don’t seem to think we have heard enough as others keep commenting. You were very upset about people talking behind your back and wrote a blog which generated many comments.

    2. roseinbloom

      Whippet, It was said, ” we moan and groan … “. We could put this type of thing behind us if we had less banning or none except for outlaw members. I have been threatened with banning and I am only guilty of stating my opinion which has never been abusive to anyone . Most people say nothing when people are banned except when they think it was not done according to the rules as we understand them.
      The rules need to be changed and suspension should be used for minor infractions, or if there is a problem in the chatroom, then the person could be banned from the chatroom. What is done to one is done to all.
      Power corrupts some and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

  10. Faye

    Rose the reason some people are banned when they commit a serious infringement is this…if we just ban them from the chatroom they can then go on to private messages, private chat, Info Box, Groups and Shoutbox and continue with whatever got them thrown from the chatroom. Banning from the site stops this from happening as I don’t think anyone would want to hear from someone bad enough to warrant that banning.

    1. roseinbloom

      Faye, It is obvious that people do want to hear from their friends who are banned. Why are we having this discussion? I have said over and over that I have been treated unjustly, so why would I believe that it could not happen to others, Most people fair and honest, but I know of blind justice and false witnesses.

      1. catalpa Post author

        in all honesty I have witnessed on lots of occasions one or more, sometimes as many as three/ four admins all in the main chat room freely discussing the behavior of a chatter. ive walked in to the chat room when they were discussing me, honestly. do they not have Skype?? for heavens sakes. this would be completely inappropriate for a management role to do in an employment setting. if management is going to plot and gossip, please do it privately.

        1. catalpa Post author

          I take that back…when they were discussing me, it was one admin, and the regular chatters…..also inappropriate.

    2. catalpa Post author

      faye….you are assuming a lot in that statement. while possibly the folks who ban people do believe they are beyond positive communication, that is possibly not the larger opinion. when the regular chatter has been banned….obviously there are people who care about them, if they have been around any time at all…we loved framus, pat, Trixie…etc. your efforts to protect us are are being perceived as limiting our communication. I miss all of them greatly, and in all honesty, I would challenge what damage any one of them did to the site.

  11. Maree

    Fa ye I never said I ran a chat site !! I said we brought the rights to sell a Chat programme big difference. I note your sarcasm ….. you like the other are closing ranks and being fickle to cover your own butts. Shame had thought another kiwi might be tad more open. My Mistake.

    1. Faye

      My apoligies Maree..I presumed since you once said your husband was Admin on a chat room for a number of years you were also involved. Yes there is a huge difference to selling chat programmes to actually using them. Sorry I cant be more open as you thought…that would indicate bias on my part and we all try very hard not to do that.

      1. Maree

        A Play on words Faye but i accept your apology of sorts.

        It wasn’t for 20 years either However if we must be pedantic my current husband was an ICQ op for 10 years. well loved and respected for his wisdom and fairness.

        This has not been FAIR …my complaint was valid and very evidently said by one Monitors in the chat room …if only the person concerned had the honesty to repeat what she said about me ????????? …. But she knows I saw her words quite openly about me in the chat room. No Names attached but it was me she was talking about. But wait Faye you are no longer a monitor are you .No it wasnt you I rarely saw you.

        Either way I have very sour taste in my mouth about what goes on behind the scenes here and also in the chat room.

        On two seperate occasions I aw monitor discussion Saffy in the chat room and by accident posting in the main room

        Sad because over all I respect the work done on the chat room to keep it a pretty wholesome place not over run by sex fiends and weirdos.

        1. Faye

          Maybe it was a personal observation that whoever it was made….many do it themselves. As has been said before all complaints go via Rob but you really must learn to copy and paste. How can he remove someone..anyone…without verification on what was said. Anyone can lie through their teeth if they dont get along with someone so a copy of that conversation is imperative.

  12. whippet2

    will answer all 3 comments back to me in one go yes 2dog i had my say but left it at that did not continue with it
    waylander i never said to close the blog i stated its time to move forward whats done is done
    and for rose i see you point in all this but we must move on
    and maree you continue to blame and accuse the admin and monitors for the banning s you forget that we all act in the best interest of the site i believe you would also be one of the first to complain to admin if you were called some of the names that said person used about Australia and america this is my first and last comment you will here from me about this topic

    1. Maree

      Gosh Whippet …. you are off track …I was discussing the backbiting of myself by a Monitor in the main chat room … my complaint sent to Rob immediately …a month later a reply …apparantly my email in his spam????

    2. roseinbloom

      Whips, You don’t see my point and I was hoping you would because I have never known you to be an unfair monitor. The process needs to be changed here. I was threatened with banning and maybe I was not because the monitors doing it were the ones who needed banned. I am relieved that Rob needs proof and that is comfort, if that is a fact, but the admins or monitors can block people which happened to me.

    3. waylander

      Lo’s already confirmed that was not what you were saying as, if I read her right, you don;t have that authority, but it certainly sounded like it with that post of yours, given what had gone before.

  13. Drummer

    Hi Catalpa – keeping this short =Chatters keeps crashing!
    Please don’t leave us – we enjoy your input.
    Kind regards D rummer

  14. cefnrider

    one must ask all these experts on here accusing everyone, please explain to me then why this site has gone to pieces since you came on????
    I have never been a good boy but i was not stupid enough to continue to break the rules or regulations. Before anyone says anything I was viciously attacked in the old chat room by an admin and all because i stoop up for a new m
    You give it out, You take it but it seems some members just want to give it out without being able to take it.

  15. idigdirt

    I for one will miss Saffy. I’ve tried to stay neutral about this as I don’t know the specifics. Cat, you are a favorite of mine! I hate to see you go…maybe a short hiatus is all? Hurt feelings happen through the written word as you sometimes cannot understand sarcasm, inflection of voice, etc. Painting a broad stroke and putting all peoples of a certain country, ethnic group, etc. is dangerous. I’ve seen it happen and have backed away from such dialogue. I understand becoming combative and defending as I wanted to but refrained.

    At this age, it surprises me that we can’t get along. The past few days I come on here, and there’s nobody in chat. I’m wondering if this site has run its course.

  16. Maree

    I for one are simply seeking Justice ….for everyone who uses this chat room.

    Saffys situation is one thing..
    My personal request for a monitor damning me in public chat room is another.

    Cef I hope you are not saying I am responsible for seeking truth by raising these issues.?? I arrived in this chat room at Pat was banned…various others have since been banned …nothing to do with me.

    Several other chatters have expressed their own dissatisfaction with issues that have arisen in chat ..I am far form the only one. Scroll up and read.
    Their have been rumbling and mumbling even from people I have not seen before.
    Cat you are fabulous person…honest well rounded, grounded and very few would ever doubt your integrity.

  17. Faye

    No I dont think there have been any other bannings Maree…only Saffy since Pats banning…unless they were underagers, scammers etc.

  18. Maree

    I undrestand Bathchaiir Dave was banned?? Also John Wharden just last week?? I may be mislead.

    1. katelin

      Maree… NEITHER member.. Bathchairdave nor Johnwharden have been banned. Their names are still clearly visible on the members list, for anyone to see.

  19. ozzie59

    Wow!!…Although I am not in chat anymore I can still read blogs….strange but anyway….what is going on with the chat room? whatever happened to chatting and having fun? All the talk is about banning people….I was seriously thinking about coming back but not now….sounds like a war zone….there are other places….friendly places….and Im there…I for one would love it to go back to when the room was so full and everyone was friendly….few disagreements but nothing like what is going on now. Good luck everyone…

  20. Rob

    I’m going to end posting on this thread now. Seems like it has run it’s course and from what I can see it’s only going to escalate further, which for the good of all Chatters looking to enjoy the blogs/site I’m not going to allow to continue.

    Ozzie’s comment pretty much sums it all up – thanks

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