Why Be Honest
Why be honest? Are people honest by default which means they tell the truth unless they have a reason to lie. A saying I learned when I was very young, ” a lie is an abomination to the Lord and an ever ready aid in an emergency”. A lie is an abomination means that it will destroy what is good yet people will lie if they feel there is an escape needed. This really sums up a whole lot about the reason to be honest or not to be honest. We have to be wise enough to see the destruction that dishonesty will cause and many are just not that wise. To be wise and very intelligent may be very different. I prefer to be wise since I have no control over my intelligence.
Really, it may take a smarter or special brain to tell convincing whopping lies. I don’t have the knack for that. I told a lie many years ago and realized that I could not remember which was the truth a short time later. My brain strains to create fiction. Some people lie when a Truth would serve them better and that definitely is not smart.
People do sometimes lie to be kind like when people ask if you think their husband is cheating, or do you think they will get a promotion, or if your plaid suit makes you look professional? If you can tell they have been working out, and you just want to say, “Hell yes, but you say “Gosh no”. You want to be kind, but is it kind to give a dishonest opinion. I think we need to stick closer to the truth. You can say, I hope you get the promotion, or some other honest opinion and/ or we will celebrate when you do. The other questions are similar and a version of the truth is better than a blatant lie. Remember, lying becomes a habit and can destroy your credibility and your reputation. If you want to be kind or do you just want to flatter and to be liked, if so kindness is not really what is working here.
People lie to impress or escape a bad opinion, but I don’t think it works, though they evidently believe that it does. Do deceivers see the people who walk away from them and never return? Do deceivers know the hurt and confusion they cause to the loved ones who rely on them for the truth or are deceivers so self-centered that they live their life and never realized the damage they have done to others and are incapable of understanding the damage they do to themselves? Like in “Don Quixote, just lay down the melancholy burden of sanity”. Maybe reality becomes too much to bear and people decide to just let go of as much as possible and spin tales and weave webs of deceit and intrigue. Don Quixote was poetry that seeks truth, but I think real deceivers have lost touch with truth and justice.
In the long term, lies and deceptions are like playing with fire and dynamite at the same time; the explosion may be exciting and change things, but total destruction can be result.
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Hello Rose………. where to start, I despise liars, ok occasionally the little white lie may have to be told to save someones feelings……..I have a close friend who is kind, generous would do anything for anyone, but he lies and I don’t know why, its not for gain…….it seems to be a attention grabbing habit, I know details of his childhood and he was placed in a foster home at the age of nine, family illness reasons I am told…………he does like to blow his own trumpet about his skills and whatever he does for anyone…….I am left open mouthed at times how the lies slither off his tongue, so unnecessary……..if something has happened to anyone the same thing has happened to him only ten times worse, when in actual fact he hasn’t experienced the same thing at all……….I put it down to not having been brought up in a family home, not being given any attention as a child, lack of self confidence and trying to make himself feel important, he will butt in when people are talking, and always bring the conversation back around to himself………..I suppose he could be called something of a fantasist………I only hope he would never be called as a witness in court for anything, because what he witnessed would have been so exaggerated it would never be remotely like anyone else’s account of the same event….lol……I jest here, but in actual fact it could be quite incriminating and dangerous if it ever did happen…….. I don’t know why people lie Rose,,,,,,,,well maybe lots for gain of some kind I guess ………the others, well maybe for some of the reasons I have given…….who knows…..
You are understand and you are probable correct about a lot of your friend”s lying. I had a sister like that almost exactly, but I also learned that she would tell lies RO further her objective even if it caused serious problems for others. I would not want to put trust in what this guy says or have to depend on it. My sister did a lot of good, but she also caused problems a lot.
This is truly a “hot topic” right now. Leave it to you to pick this one right now in lieu of having the GREATEST LIAR” of all in the news everyday lying his head off. I agree that it may be acceptable to spare someone’s feelings of course. That comes from a place of love. Otherwise it is an action that is for the sake of one’s ego and painting a false picture or a brainwashing actic. Honesty gets us through life more beautifully leading us to the people who are most like we are. Some need to lie if they don’t have confidence in themselves for various reasons. Most of us can see right through their lies or they will come back to haunt them. We are who we are and we all have our flaws and make mistakes or we wouldn’t be normal. I feel that those who lie and cause abominable hurt to others will be punished somewhere down the line along with those who protect them and encourage them. Thanks, Rose, for this timely blog!
Rose 43, I actually wrote this some time ago and saved it but did not know how to retrieve it, which I recently learned to do, I was looking for an image to publish with this blog and found an image of a big spiders web with Trump in the middle of it, but I figured if I used it my blog would go unpublished so I chose a proverb, but then again that is religious but it got published.
Lying to spare someone’s feeling has a good motive, but may not be wise. The person may need and deserve the truth. To me any lying is a to need avoided and to be taken seriously.
The thing about being a successful liar is you have to have a very good memory. You have to remember who you told what. You also have to be prepared to continue the charade should that become necessary so fast thinking and a talent for fiction are also required.
I admit to having lied on occasion, but as I was never good with fictions, I try to avoid them. After all if you tell the truth there’s no need to remember falsehoods or write fictions.
Great blog Rose! …The problem with many that tell lies is that they have told them so often over and over that
they loose touch with reality and actually start believing their own lies. Some people think what they term as “little white lies” to make a person feel better are ok… when in fact the truth may hurt for a little while but a lie hurts forever!
Michael,
I think you are mistaken about the English people. I find the quite honest and willing to speak clearly and honestly. They also try to be opened minded and see both sides of an issue. In your examples, you are thrusting your opinion and bias.
I cannot speak about the other countries, because I don’t speak their language or know their culture. The Germans were not very accommodating and rude to me, but still most of the time I was treated civilly. The Dutch did like us, I think or are just nice people. The Italians are extremely hospital to our group of Americans. The Swiss are good at business. The French were difficult also and I love the French language and culture.
Ido think you are incorrect about the English. I would love to live amongst them.
Misschey
I so agree. Either people are off mentally, or they develop mental issues with a lot of lying. If I want and need an opinion, I don’t want a lie. People usually like to flatter and be popular rather than serve the truth or a friend.I usually say a tactful truth. If someone ask about a dress. I may say, that is not your best loo:.Or, You have other dresses that look better. Some tactful but true remard can be found. If they ask, does this make me look fat, I may say, “that dress does not become you. Liars lie, and it becomes a habit. Most lie for unkind reasons.
I agree entirely. I am not sure they believe their own lies, but I am sure they want you to believe their lies. I understand human weaknesses, but I don’t know how to talk to a person who lies a lot. Sometimes they are in your family and they may be making up illnesses or any other sort of lie. I do know that it is a big waste of my time and a big frustration and I know I roll my eyes. Liars have to be very sad people and they lose their own reality and think who they are is pretty worthless. I just find it all very confusing. I know people will lie to get out of trouble, but some people lie and they are not in trouble and I don’t know a good reason for it.
Good Afternoon friends,
after my time out here due to some health problems I would like to start
a new attempt in getting words together which suit this interesting blog
in one way or the other.
In my eyes lies are the wind in the sails of every politicians round the globe.
Few people know the truth, many won’t here the truth and the majority believe
in their sayings.
It is a very positive element in the Englisch society ( to show good manners )
not to offend others and to demonstrate politeness in any situation.
But a look behind the words spoken will discover the real meaning of them.
Example: your cooking is delicious especially the beef has a nice taste.
( In other words; it was frightful! )
Your new dress you were wearing when we last met suits you perfectly.
( I’m asking myself how can a women of your age wear a dress like this? )
They bought a beautiful designed home in a rural area which is not to
far from the next village.
( Jesus I would never ever like to live there! )
What I’m going to say is this; I don’t know any other language where a
lie can be expressed in such positive attitudes like in the English language.
Back to your question Rose; any lie can make life easier but a very good memory
is very, very substantial. Micael
Roseinbloom, I think we need a book to answer this one and then some but I’ll take crack at it.
Honesty is the absence of deception in all it’s forms. Honesty is good but not always comfortable. Honesty’s sister is truth. What is truth or true? it is factual reality. Perhaps I should say…..the known factual reality because truth is not necessarily a fixed point. Once people believed the world to be flat, it was the truth of the time, now we know that to be untrue.
Why be honest…because if there were no honesty the workings of society would totally collapse. It is what makes a society, a country, international co-operation possible. Without honesty we would revert to small suspicious tribes or family groups. It is to everyone’s benefit that deception is under control and that there is a level of trust between us all. This is why crime is punished, the law is or should be all about honesty and the punishment of deception of every kind. Commercial and business activity is very difficult with out trust and honesty. The 17th East India Company UK, could not have grown to be the base of the British Empire with out binding trust between it’s members.. They moved vast fortunes on just a handshake and a word. Any member who’s word proved false was thrown out and systematically ruined by his peers.
Personal relationships……we all crave family and friends with whom we can be totally relaxed in their company, secure in their caring for us. This can only blossom if there is honesty…..absolute reliable honesty. Put a secret in the mix, a deception or cheating and all is lost. Sometimes things can be forgiven but the relationship has been adulterated I don’t think it can ever be quite the same.
So an honest society is good for everyone. it simply allows things to work for everyone. People are secure not fearful or anxious as they know they will be treated fairly, If they live an honest life , that life will unfold somewhat as they expect.
If this is such a good thing, why do we see dishonesty? why do we deceive?
Number one reason would be greed, we want more than our fair share, we want what others have without working for it ……we’ll just take it. Oh we will construct little excuses within our minds to give ourselves permission to take…..Everyone is against me, I had no chances. We invent wrongs that the victim has done to us, all to make it easy to harm them. We complain that the victims are foolish and not protecting what is theirs, they deserve to lose out.
Fear of retribution, we have done something wrong or not done what we should have . We deny or we lie to make our wrongdoing look not so bad.
Protection of ego or support of ego……lacking in self esteem we bolster our own deeds,to make ourselves more attractive or seemingly worthy. This is being dishonest with ourselves and this is very self destructive. It is sad and nearly always discerned by others, perhaps the child did not feel enough love to learn acceptance of themselves. Unchecked this can become Narcissism.
Narcissism, this extreme interest in one’s self or one’s appearance. Self is paramount no one else matters really, it is absolute self centred selfishness. There is grandiose estimation of one’s own attributes and talents. External honesty and truth is not recognized or only if it coincides with the the internal dialogue of the narcissist. This is a sickness the only truth for such a person is anything in their head. They crave , demand admiration to try and fill the big hole in their being. Most tyrants have probably been narcissistic. It is total self dishonesty.
Religions in most part have been formulated to make societies of different kinds work for the good of all. In their collective wisdom they all preach honesty as being good and they warn of punishment in this world or the next for dishonesty. In this I agree with them.
Why Michael……..how could you……..we are just being diplomatic…..lol…..xxx
Roseinbloom, I think we need a book to answer this one and then some but I’ll take crack at it.
Honesty is the absence of deception in all it’s forms. Honesty is good but not always comfortable. Honesty’s sister is truth. What is truth or true? it is factual reality. Perhaps I should say…..the known factual reality because truth is not necessarily a fixed point. Once people believed the world to be flat, it was the truth of the time, now we know that to be untrue.
Why be honest…because if there were no honesty the workings of society would totally collapse. It is what makes a society, a country, international co-operation possible. Without honesty we would revert to small suspicious tribes or family groups. It is to everyone’s benefit that deception is under control and that there is a level of trust between us all. This is why crime is punished, the law is or should be all about honesty and the punishment of deception of every kind. Commercial and business activity is very difficult with out trust and honesty. The 17th East India Company UK, could not have grown to be the base of the British Empire with out binding trust between it’s members.. They moved vast fortunes on just a handshake and a word. Any member who’s word proved false was thrown out and systematically ruined by his peers.
Personal relationships……we all crave family and friends with whom we can be totally relaxed in their company, secure in their caring for us. This can only blossom if there is honesty…..absolute reliable honesty. Put a secret in the mix, a deception or cheating and all is lost. Sometimes things can be forgiven but the relationship has been adulterated I don’t think it can ever be quite the same.
So an honest society is good for everyone. it simply allows things to work for everyone. People are secure not fearful or anxious as they know they will be treated fairly, If they live an honest life , that life will unfold somewhat as they expect.
If this is such a good thing, why do we see dishonesty? why do we deceive?
Number one reason would be greed, we want more than our fair share, we want what others have without working for it ……we’ll just take it. Oh we will construct little excuses within our minds to give ourselves permission to take…..Everyone is against me, I had no chances. We invent wrongs that the victim has done to us, all to make it easy to harm them. We complain that the victims are foolish and not protecting what is theirs, they deserve to lose out.
Fear of retribution, we have done something wrong or not done what we should have . We deny or we lie to make our wrongdoing look not so bad.
Protection of ego or support of ego……lacking in self esteem we bolster our own deeds,to make ourselves more attractive or seemingly worthy. This is being dishonest with ourselves and this is very self destructive. It is sad and nearly always discerned by others, perhaps the child did not feel enough love to learn acceptance of themselves. Unchecked this can become Narcissism.
Narcissism, this extreme interest in one’s self or one’s appearance. Self is paramount no one else matters really, it is absolute self centred selfishness. There is grandiose estimation of one’s own attributes and talents. External honesty and truth is not recognized or only if it coincides with the the internal dialogue of the narcissist. This is a sickness the only truth for such a person is anything in their head. They crave , demand admiration to try and fill the big hole in their being. Most tyrants have probably been narcissistic. It is total self dishonesty.
Religions in most part have been formulated to make societies of different kinds work for the good of all. In their collective wisdom they all preach honesty as being good and they warn of punishment in this world or the next for dishonesty. In this I agree with them.
Von Michael……… Yes well brought up English people are taught to not give unnecessary offence. If someone asked me if I liked her dress, which I actually though unbecoming, I would feel my way. Perhaps this woman loves this dress and does not really want an opinion……..I would not destroy her pleasure. If a good friend asked me wanting my opinion I would be truthful as gently as possible. In the examples you quote, I would also say an English person would know immediately that the comment was a perfunctory politeness. To behave otherwise would come over as crass.
Diplomatic is the correct word Star. I mean the English language offers so many varieties to express themself that there is no need of insulting the other with the truth. That differs to the German Language where only two colors are known; black & white, good or bad. Germans are very straight in expressing their opinions.
I once mentioned the BBC make * Escape to…..* where I learned a lot of English diplomacy as you call it. This kind
of diplomacy requires a lot of cognitive balance which needs to be trained from an early age.
Yes Rock the truth can be a real burden in some situation where a lie is far more comfortable and clears a situation.
So far to a hidden lie but what is the matter with obvious lies coming from politicians??` Many voters hear the lies,
many voters accept the lies and vote for the liar!!! Winning an election with the truth seems to be impossinle.
Sir Winston Churchill has given many lies to the British people during WW2. which gave them hope and confidence
that the UK will never surrender which was the truth!!!!Michael
Sorry I’m still not familiar with all the alterations here.
I entirely agree with you Michael….the English language is very complex and I admire you for speaking it and being able to write it…….we have so many phrases and expressions to fall back on, one for every occasion…….we can use one of many hundreds to get us out of tricky situations without resorting to bluntness, which could come across as rude……..you are also correct in thinking its a lifetime conditioning of being brought up here………the banter and glibness just rolls off of our tongues…lol
It appeared that vonMichael was insulting the English. Maybe I am an unclassy American, but it got on my nerves and I thought it was biased .
Rockflower, I love you answer and it covers the subject better than I did.
I don’t know that I did any better Roseinbloom,I was just trying to clarify your huge meaty question for myself. You are helping to keep my braincells firing Roseinbloom, thank you..
Rockflower, thank you. I blog to get opinions not to just to sound wise. I share what little I know, but I really want to learn from others. Everybody has a valid opinion, but most won’t take the time to share or think.
Rose i don’t feel offended at all by Michaels comments, I understand exactly what he means…….he also describes the manner of some Germans who don’t know the meaning of the word diplomacy, this is also a fact… I was married to a German and had a German mother in law who at first I thought was extremely rude by her no nonsense approach and manner of talking…….its their way………but as in many countries there are people who only see in Black and White and are unable to read between the lines of comments, no shades of Grey for them, take the written and said word literally, when all to often it isn’t meant that way….in Ireland to be insulted by them in banter means they like you, they are comfortable enough with you to give jokey insults and know you wont take offence…….but you have to recognise when people are joking or you would feel permanently offended……..I myself when I watch American talk shows and events find them completely over the top, nut jobs in fact to be honest………but that’s because I am English and we tend to be more reserved as it were, not so demonstrative as the Americans, but I accept that’s the difference in people, we are brought up in different cultures and ways ……I don’t take offence……
Starlette, Americans are not as crazy or hickish as our TV shows, but we are all that enough to enjoy those shows, America is so big we have a huge variation in culture and we spring from different cultures. I like the Latin and Hispanic cultures. Educated people are different than non educated usually. The Golden Rule is a part of every culture. I like straight talk or honest talk. I do not like to offend or be a offended and there is a difference in any civilized culture. The Germans chased us off their outdoor seating and no one else was anywhere near the chairs. Everywhere else I went, this sort of thing did not happen. Many Americans are part German and so am I, but many Americans of that ancestry are also arrogant and offensive.
I do not subject myself to rudeness and I defend myself and others. People need to know the difference.
People do tease and joke with their close friends, but you need to be careful even with close friends.
Star and Rose….enjoyed your last comments . Michaels comments and the German approach… I’ve not lived in Germany or speak German, have lived in the German speaking area of Switzerland for a very short time. My main impression of German was…… If you were really, really angry, German would be the best language to use to vent your anger….I’m teasing Michael! To my ear German speakers often sounded as if they were arguing when they were just passing pleasantries. But the fact that we are discussing this, points out that there is more to language than words. You are so right to point out the diversity of the USA Rose…..there is a tendency for Europeans to think that the East Coast is true of all America and of cause it is not. I was brought up in the North of England where ‘charming’ people are looked on as somewhat suspicious until proven to be alright despite their charming ways. The closest I have to a daughter is Isi, a Swiss girl who lived with us for 18 months at the age of 16yrs. to learn English. Isi grew up to be a Vet” and she took a job at Liverpool University for a couple of years. She told me the most amazing thing she learned during her stay was……The moment a British person opened their mouth,, another British person had them pinned. They knew where that person came from, their education, their politics, how much they earned. I laughed and yes it is a sweeping generalization but there is some truth in the statement. I truly don’t think this happens in Canada or America to the same degree, if at all.
I think in Uk reservation and politeness are still top, certainly with people you do not know really well. If a woman I did not know well asked me what I thought of her outfit……if I thought it horrible , I would not not blurt out my true opinion , I would feel my way and try to find something positive to say as I don’t know her full situation. If it were family or a friend I would offer a true opinion as gently as possible. I can’t help it if someone is very familiar in the first 5minutes of meeting them, my guard tends to pop up and they are likely to get a prickly response. I can understand that this reserve looks suspect to a ‘black and white’ German. It is not a deliberate move to deceive …it is the language developed by the English for the English. The English person reads beyond the words and understands instantly the full picture. True perhaps we should remember others don’t always pick up on the under currents.
Rockflower, Most American think that all British speak the same because that is what we hear, but I now know there are many dialects. It is true that most Americans are not easily typecast. Education is more easily determined but many Northerners think Southerners are slow but the Southerners are slick as Bill Clinton proved. A dialect does not indicate intelligence; it only indicates a region of the country. The old saying like many old sayings are very wise and correct, “You cannot judge a book by its cover. I grew up in a poor family in a poor state and I don’t know what people think of me but I am educated and I do have good character and I try hard to appreciate all people but I don’t like rudeness or vulgarity.
Sorry Roseinbloom I have to disappoint you but what the English do perfectly the Americans will never learn;
The game with words!
When I was young and I remember this still vividly goes like this: a young teenager enters a beer bar to have a drink;
while waiting for the beer to come an older casanova starts a small talk with her by asking a simple question:
** Tell me what is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?? Now the English version of this question enters;
** What is a girl like you doing in a nice place like this??? This switch in words is what I ment with cognitive ability.
Sorry says Michael
VonMichael Michael, you do not know the Americans. Michael, you certainly cannot criticize Americans for not having a way with words. Diplomany is not your forte.
I don’t mind the criticism at all. I, myself, always choose my TV viewing carefully and always prefer those produced and written in the UK, Australia or Canada. From comedy to detective and courtroom, they’re a different sort than ours made in our country. The writing shows how people treat each other more respectfully always. Plus I don’t know if we have any good writers left here in our country. That’s just my opinion and how I feel. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express this, Rose.
Rose 43, I agree with you totally. I subscribe to Acorn and Netflix and Amazon and I search out the British programs. I have watched some wonderful British programs on PBS.