What is life now?

I’ve never written a blog before so this is a new experience for me.  I do find comfort in journaling so maybe this is the same.  The question I posted above is prompted by the fact that I’ve been a widow for 5 months.  I’m trying to figure out what life holds for me now.  I’ve been a daughter, mother, sister, grandmother and wife.  Of all these roles, being the wife of my soulmate was the most rewarding and at times frustrating.  Without going into the details of my relationship, I can truly say that my husband had all the qualities that melded well with my personality.  Now that he’s gone, I’m finding it a challenge to focus on myself.  I’ve always had someone in my life that I took care of.  Now, I just have myself to take care of (excluding my 2 beagles).  The only person I have to ask for permission or input on a decision is myself.  That is truly an overwhelming feeling as I come to decisions after much rumination.  Having someone to bounce ideas off of or to get input from has always been part of my decision making process.  I suppose it’s a process.  I have to trust myself and determine what is best for me.  But I really miss having that other person that I trust in my life.  So what is my life now? I’ll continue to cautiously move forward.