What is a friend?
I’m prompted to ask this question after reading an article in The Guardian newspaper, this morning. The article said that 30% of millennials say they often feel lonely and 22% say they have no friends. If like me, you are not sure what a millennial is, I can tell you, these are people born between 1982 -1999. If this is really true it is very sad as indeed loneliness is very sad for anyone. However, we more often read about the loneliness of older people. We can define loneliness as a state of being involuntarily alone, isolated from others. Different personalities have different tolerance of time that they are comfortable being alone. If 30% say they are lonely I guess they are feeling deprived of companionship. But these are young people in their 30s so lack of mobility is not likely to be a big factor as it is for oldies. It does occur to me that they are perhaps the first truly ‘electronic’ people. We see these people and to the casual observer they seem to be constantly communicating, I say communicating, texting, or speaking on phones, writing on the computer. Not actually talking face to face with another person. Don’t forget that being kept solitary is an extreme punishment, torture used on prisoners. We all need human contact and that means face to face. I believe people will suffer more from this lack of human contact in the future. I have walked around my community this morning, it is a lovely sunny day but not one young person seen, all on their computers I guess. Will people ever learn to interact with each other person to person in the future?
22% of these millennials say they have no friends? The dictionary says that a friend is, someone on terms of affection and regards for another who is not a relative nor a lover. Someone who supports and hel ps out of goodwill. I would also say that there are many levels of friendship. they don’t just happen ……… There are those friends who grew up with you, knew you as a young person at the rapid time of your growth as full person. These long term friends can be separated from each other for years but on meeting again the years drop away and you pick up where you left off. There are the friends who you have a shared trust with, these are deep friendships, the fabric of this kind of friendship is absolute honesty. Then there are the good friends, the friends who’s company you really enjoy all the way down to acquaintances and all these levels are absolutely important to your well being. As in all human emotional relationships, this just does not happen, you have to work at it, nurture it and give of your self. It often seems to me that younger people do not do this, Not all of course but many seem to be more into taking than giviing, especially of themselves. Do you accept these statistics to start with? would you agree that many people seem to be losing the ability to interact with each other and make lasting relationships?
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my nan used to say as u make ur bed u ly in it
were long relationships born out of love or unacceptable social behaviour to separate
I was present in royal mail when there were only full time jobs
now part time is the norm in many jobs
maybe the future will be more short term relatationship than one long one
its better to be happy for a short time in many than unhappy in just one
I take your point…..life moves faster these days, people are highly mobile. Perhaps harder to maintain a long-distance relationship. People live longer and people change. Is the friend you made when you were both 16 the same person at 61! no they are not. However, I can’t help thinking that is symptomatic of the dissposable society.
I think that these people will be lonely, as most of the younger people of today are always on mobile phones ect. We used to communicate a lot more than the younger generation do these days. I used to write many letters home to family , and friends when I lived in Germany.We never even had a phone there. I never bothered about such things , as I had friends, and we always communicated with each other, be it for coffee in a morning, or sitting out watching our children in the afternoons. I am afraid a lot of children run wild these days. Not much we can do about it , if people are attached to mobiles all of the time.
We see the same things Tania, it is the human contact that is lost. Even when we wrote letters, there was the unique flow of the ink directed by the human hand. A person’s writing as unique as they were. the electronic type has no personality. If people and especially children do not ‘interface’ with each other, will they lose the ability to read faces and body language? I don’t know.
I am quite content being alone. In fact for most of the time I am far happier when there are no humans near me.
Coping with being alone is a learned skill. One I learned in my teens.
The “millennials” have always had their electronics to connect them and so have never been really alone, so, as with most humans, the unknown scares them.
There is nothing wrong with being alone and the so called “norms” of society which pressure people into being “together” need to get their act in order.
Me too…….I do need the radio however. In fact,.. I find it hard to work in company. I like company but I need lots of alone time too. I have always been like this so I think one’s innate personality has something to do with it. I agree that this can be learned to some degree also. I have one brother who always was a chatterbox, and even now cannot tolerate being alone. My other brother speaks as if each word cost a $ LOL! I fall somewhere in between. You will have noticed once I start to speak on smething………….. I’m pretty long-winded LOL!
There are many, many lonely people in the world be they young or old. Some need company others don’t. I have two daughters, one outgoing and looks for company, the other a quiet nature, content to read and stay away from crowds etc.
The younger generations, how many have both parents at work, once home from school, taught to stay safe at home, so they interact with computers which become their friends. I do think we are losing the ability to interact face to face and wonder what and how future generations will converse.
The elderly often don’t go out, each has their own reason, if computer literate, can pass the hours away like some do with chat sites, a chat site becomes their daily contact with fictitious names and sometimes fictitious photos. This gives many a sense of belonging and not being alone, as with real life face to face contacts we encounter different personalities, some become great ‘friends ‘ others fall by the wayside.
So Rockflower to answer your question, with modern communication, education, using computers, phones in my opinion I do think human interactions are definitely changing.
I think those of our ‘vintage’ see this clearly and worry that it changes for the worse. I have these worries too, in fact, I think that the unkindness that we so often see in print, is a direct result of people commenting in a void. If you say something unkind to a person’s face, you see and feel the effect immediately. You learn to moderate, don’t you? I do wonder if all human interactions will become more difficult in the future. As people will not have had that constant direct feedback of the power of words.
Another of your gems, for the question you raise, is, without doubt, one the most pertinent of our time – I would dare to suggest that Chatters is one of the most promising means of alleviating loneliness available to people of our age. A simple, and partial answer to that dreaded loneliness. How many Chatters will respond or otherwise make contact?
I agree Drummer, loneliness in the elder portion of society probably has many causes but mobility is a large part of it. Also, the fact that families are often separated by miles and travelling is expensive and too hard for many. I wish the electronic world would devise an ultra simple computer for elders who have no electronic experience. It would keep the elder in touch family, friends and help if needed.
Speaking of mobile phones , I was in my doctors waiting room today along with half a dozen other people. I couldn’t help noticing that five of them were intensely engaged with their mobiles. It seems we all don’t actually ‘ talk ‘ to each other much these days and future human evolution will entail massive thumbs from all that texting ! I could really relate to waylanders post as I also am very content with my own company and have been so for decades. I have no close friends and , although most people will find this abnormal , I make no apologies for a lifestyle that suits me well. It is said that one can be lonely in a crowded room and this I can believe. Interaction of like minded folks on sites like SC is ideal in so many ways especially for an anti social old so and so like myself ! ?
Post script – All the people in my GP’s waiting room were well into middle age so I don’t think it’s just the young who are wielded to their phones .
Oh yes we’ve all seen similar, it is a kind of electronic veil a barrier……don’t talk to me I’m busy. You see people walking into things, in the street, fixated on their phones and you are right, they are not always young. I’ve had sales clerks trying to deal with me while chatting on their phones. That is just rude, no one, nothing as important as what is on their phone. It is not living in the moment and as no moment is ever given full attention, is anything every really lived to the full? I don’t get it but then |I don’t get sucking on a water bottle 24hrs per day or photographing what I eat…..OK I’m reactionary and weird!
I’m always curious as to what everyone is looking at on their phones. It seems we are uncomfortable just sitting in other people’s presence, like in a waiting room.
Hi Rock…….friends…… couldn’t really tell you who a true friend was until I had times of trouble, financial or otherwise……..then I guess I would soon find out……but as I have never asked anything of anyone don’t know…….loneliness…… never really felt it and hope I never do, I am content to a degree with my own company…….but do go out most afternoons so that does me…….for some reasons Sunday is the one day of the week I do hate to be in……..I think its a mind thing…its the weekend you should be out and about…the Sun is shining have to make the most of it……..why do I feel guilty if the Sun is out and I am not sat out in it……was I conditioned from a child…….techy stuff is taking so much away from the younger generation……would like to think a about change would take place but I know it never will..