TOILETS IN NEW GUINEA

Been asked to write another story about the time that I spent in New Guinea , I wondered what I could come up with .Turning things over in this old mind of mine thinking what would be suitable for SeniorChatters readers ,bearing in mind I was on a mission station so wasn’t much that I got up to ,you couldn’t hear .

I had been there a couple of months and had already fallen down the mountain side,dislocating my kneecap badly. I was attempting to go do my first clinic in the bush…this involved about an hour and half walk ,straight up the mountain Now not too hard a walk .I was told, as there was a good track ok I thought I can do this ,using my stick as I was off crutches.now Father kept saying .
“kathy wait another week give it one more week.”..but I was very impatient to get into my nursing work,I hadn’t done any bush clinics in all the time I was here, because of my knee and we had to fit so many of them in each month .

Brother Mario said he would walk with me as he was heading out to another station .He was going through the village on his way ,I had two girls from the station that were used to helping the nurse, so they helped me pack the things we would need when we got to the village .tThere was a house set up in the village that we used when we came to the village ,we could do the clinic the next day .On the station we had a very good house was made from wood, had a nice shower room ,where we heated a bucket of water on the old wood stove ,carried out the bucket then poured it into this other bucket that was on a pulley so could be pulled up and tied off . Father had put a shower head on the bottom of the bucket, so when we undressed we stood under the bucket and soaped up then turned the rose and you had the first three minute shower.it was all in the timing ,you got used to timing it .so all the soap washed off ,I had long hair at the time, so it was hit and miss if you got all the soap off, if not you had to get some cold water and do it in the yard. i always left my hair till last .we also had a toilet house over on the side of the yard hole in ground but Father had built a seat on it so it was not to bad,all mod con well for the village it was.

We set off after lunch hoping to get there before the afternoon rains came.I didn’t want to be caught in the rain, as the path gets very slippery.It was standard procedure if going bush to wear spiked shoes, as it was very often mud and slush we walked through. That was how I had slipped before ,so I wasn’t wanting to be walking on more slippery paths today.Brother mario was a very good walker,he was used to hoofing it around the area ,I was limping along trying to show him I could do it.he was entertaining and telling us stories as we walked along. I kept up with him the first half hour, but I couldn’t feel my knee getting sore and swelling as we went .I started getting slower, stopping here and there Brother just slowing and waiting for me.Bye the time we had been walking for the hour and half he said to me
“Think you having a little trouble Kathy “.me in my smart ass voice said “
”Yes you noticed did you” his reply was
“Well i noticed its time we were on our way home and we are not even there yet “
I let that ride and tried to keep up with him the best I could it was not much further to the top,I can tell you when I got there my temper was little frayed and I was tired and it had rained so was very wet and cold.

After awhile sitting on the stump outside the house I went inside.The girls were busy getting things from the villagers ,Brother was surrounded by the natives, chatting to them pointing my way,I was too tired to take notice and I couldn’t speak pidgon very well, just hello few things to greet them and get by .I wanted to go to the loo so I looked around outside ,couldn’t see any thing that looked like a toilet. I went back outside to where Brother was and waited awhile till he stopped talking ,he turned around to me and asked if I was ok .To say I was embarrassed would be correct for asking a Brother were the loo was, was something I hadn’t done before .So in my embarrassment my voice came out in a croak “Were’s the toilet” Brother looked at me in his serious face and said in a booming voice
“Was that the toilet you want Kathy”. then proceeded to point over to the bush.Looking around I could see nothing that remotely looked like a toilet.
“Where Brother there’s nothing over there that looks like a loo. He looked at me and said ‘Your serious aren’t you “.
“Of course I am I need to go to the loo hurry up where is it “.He laughed and taking me by the arm said
“Over here Kathy” steering me towards the bushes.

I was trying to get him to let my arm go and let me walk by my self, but he just kept on steering me further into the bush, till we came to a clearing.It looked like an anthill with a hole on the top
“Here you are “ your toilet” he said I looked at him and said
“Don’t be stupid “he looked back at me, with a grin from ear to ear and said
“Thats it girl your in the village now “I just stood there looking at it not knowing what to do Brother Mario sat on the ground and looking at me said
“ I Will give you one word of advice kathy …take one leg out of you knickers”
my eyes popped wide open a Brother talking to me like that .
“ Why i asked him “
He said “You in a hurry or you got time to listen to me”
…well one thing I wasn’t going to go while he was sitting looking at me,
“Of course I have time what is it you are going to tell me.”now what could a religious Brother in the wilds of New Guinea ,have to tell a very young naive country girl ,about going to the toilet I could not imagine.

“The thing is” he said “ you have to squat over that hole” .
I looked at it thought
“Gee how can I shoot that straight ,ok for the guys but me could be a problem “I looked at his smiling face and could tell there was more to come.
“Yes and”
“Well my advise is take one leg out of your knickers”
“What “ I remarked as I looked him straight in the eyes .he smiles and says
“So if you fall in you can get out,have you ever tried climbing out of a hole with your knickers around your feet.Think about it ,if you take one leg out of your knickers ,its easer to get back out
.” Oh I see your point”I said, as I pondered the thought of me down the hole,trying to get out .No hope in hell could I climb out of a hole,let alone a hole full of what was in this one. I now had another worry I had to confide in him.
“Brother um I cant squat over that hole,I can’t even bend my leg tonight “He looked at me and said
“Well you going to have to let me hold you while you go”
Well the look of horror that shot across my face made him holler with laughter .
“You cant do that “ I said ,he smiled and his big brown eyes light up,and he said,
“You will have to take both legs out of the knickers
“ Nooo i cant do that “ he smiles and looks up at me
“Well its up to you ,take the knickers off and I will hold you while you go.”

Well I looked around to see where I could go take them off without him looking but his laugh made me stop .He said
“Just do it there I am going to be holding you, so get on with it”
“ Oh yes it’s ok for you I thought , here I am in middle of New Guinea bush, with a Religious Brother telling me to take my knickers off ,then he will hold me while I go to the toilet.That is what all good Catholic girls would really feel good doing, I am very sure they wouldn’t

Well I struggled out of those knickers I think saying my prayers as I went .Brother helping me onto the hole ,now he said
“ Struddle the hole “ oh the thoughts that were going through my mind were not to be repeated. I looked at Brother Mario and in my most indignant voice I told him
“If you even think of telling anyone I will kill you”
this just made him smirk more.
God this was like a test, I felt what if I miss I will never live it down,he would have that smirk all over his face all night. I know its just a pee,but I. tell you the strain to do it right was great I concentrated so hard it felt as if I was in a championship.

The emotions that came over me when I succeeded in shooting straight into that hole ,was unbelievable I felt that I had achieved the most remarkable feat. the relief was great in more ways then one .
Brother Mario was true to his word, not a word did he say to anyone ,well not to my knowledge…Maybe its a dreamtime story of the natives who knows.

hope you enjoy this nmods been asking for another ……love mac