DOING MORE of WHAT MAKES us HAPPY
AM I the only one who finds it harder to be OPTIMISTIC and still expect more good things to happen in life. Do you also have trouble just BUZZING around and making HONEY like a good little BEE. NO, I think it takes a serious WORK to remain optimistic, positive, and still have goals and ambitions after 60 or so. . I am working on it now that I realize that it takes concerted effort. SO how do we manage to be productive and happy in our AGED conditions?
I just realized we have to WORK at it very seriously. If I were a religious person, I would be going to church and doing what it takes to get to the next world, but I am not religious in that way. I do want to know how it works for those who are. How do the rest of us find life HAPPY, and MEANINGFUL and not get too discouraged?
I said I have to WORK at it. I just read that we are happy when WE ARE WANTING THINGS. Yes. That is what I read. So what can we WANT? I think we need to want SOMETHING and WORK to get it. I think most people who live into advanced years are good at this. So, THINK of what you can want? That is a HAPPIER thought than I have had in a long time. HEY, it just may work. So what do I want? A part of the brain lights up with that thought and sends the FEEL GOOD stuff along. Now, do the opposite , HONESTLY I have been doing the opposite and it is NO FUN. I think the scary negative thoughts are EASY, and we have to WORK at the happy ones. We actually have to plan activities and time just to work on thinking and being positive. We need positive people to help us along. It does not mean that we can never be sad, but after 60 I have been mourning one thing or another constantly.
I just realized that mourning cannot be full blown or consume a lot of time, esle there would be nothing else. It does not mean that we don’t care, but we cannot be in perpetual grief mode. I am now reluctant to even mention sad news to people. This is all complicated. We have to get over, and let go of a whole lot to stay positive in the senior years. It takes WORK and a lot of help from each other.
We may WANT to learn to draw, or write or build a birdhouse or shed. We all heard of Grandma Moses who became an artist after about 60 or 70. You don’t have to be world famous, but you need to find something that you can do and is worth doing. I think waking up with the thought of, “What do I want today?”, is much better than “When will my knees give out?” or “who is going first me or my sister?”. Another good question is “What can I do for fun”.I am convincing myself and I hope you may be convinced also, YOU just have to WORK at being HAPPY in the later years.
So, how do we do it”. We can and must do it our way. Some may choose to EAT, DRINK, and be MERRY, and that may work. Some may EAT healthy and exercise and hope to ward of some ill effects for a while longer. We all still need to WORK at staying POSITIVE. I know you may not want to work, and I know the feeling. I so wish that a good life was possible WITHOUT WORK but it just IS NOT.
In clinical talk we are in the STAGE of LIFE called GENERATIVITY versus DEATH and DECAY. Ouch. that hurts. Did you know that? We have to WORK at the GENERATIVITY.
What can WE WANT today is the best thought we can wake up with. What can we want in the next year, 5 years, 10 years? If you want to call it a bucket list, that is a little different. I am talking about your daily life and if you have a bucket list that is good also. A bucket list may be the things you don’t want to miss for sure, but it is not the whole life.
WORK on the HAPPY thoughts. I am trying to post positive motivation quotes daily on this site and another one and I think it is working. I also am playing YOU TUBE videos for inspiration and amusement. I need to work on planning a ife and include some things that keep me positive and optimistic. I still have to work on what I want and set some new goals in life. Some of you who are cheerful and buzzing around like a honey bee may have the answers that I seek, but I have shared most of what I know. We need a discussion here.
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Excellent thoughts rose, and I agree. A personal challenge of mine, is to care for myself–when I have dedicated so many years of my life towards caring for others.
It takes discipline and commitment, and I’m certainly not perfect at it.
I was given a gift certificate a while back for a massage and Reiki healing session, and the woman challenged me to find two things everyday that are only for me, and to make time each day to do them. She didn’t offer suggestions as to what these things may be. Sometimes for some, it might be a walk, a bath, reading a good book, creating something. For others it might be taking effort to be less self destructive! I suppose her bigger point was that we are all in a process of building ourselves into something greater, and as we age this continues. Aging is a culmination, not a decline.
My father passed away a year ago, and one of the really significant things he told me during a very critical point in my life, was to “always remember who you are….”. These are days and times whereby sometimes such things can easily be lost in the junk of life.
I appreciate reading your thoughts!
Catalpa, I appreciate your thoughts and we understand each other perfectly. Your comment may do a better job than my blog, but it certainly extends the thoughts. Caring for others does make us happy, but some of us need more. I like your expression, the junk of life. I guess we all need to remember who we are. I guess we have to value ourself and maybe that is what your father was telling you.
Hello Rose, ermm where to start, well I believe you are ether a positive person or a negative person regardless of age…….a half empty half glass full kind of thing…..I also believe overthinking and analysing can become monotonous and boring, I agree we have to keep the mind active and the body reasonably fit…….but do we really have to put ourselves under pressure in continually striving to achieve new things…….I find most days I learn something new, albeit simple snippets of information………..counselling is always something I wanted to do, and have indeed touched on it in the past, but do I want to pay out large sums of money and no real valid qualification at the end of it, no I don’t, private work in counselling may be an incentive but no guarantee of that, so that one I will pass on, I know I have a book in me and tell myself I should get my head down and write one, but again do I want to put myself under that pressure, I have one started but not dedicated enough to buckle down and finish it……….nope, for me I do not think I have to continually be achieving things and putting myself under undo pressure, been there done that in my working life…….I will try and remain positive in my outlook, not to look too far into the future and what maybe to come, nothing you can do about it any way, and not to overthink……. Never Worry Worry Till Worry Worries You……..good company and family will do for me, and if something does crop up that I think will give me pleasure then I will pursue it………..
Good blog Bloom ,
The eternal Optimist i’m pleased to say, I believe something good happens to us every day but sometimes we just don’t see it …..
I have been keeping a happiness jouranl for some years now and each day I write i nit something good I have eitherseen or experienced eachday, have a few of my journals full of good things , when I am feeling a littlelow I get my journals out and after reading perhaps even ayear before , I get a good laugh or a smile and realise things are nothing to be down about ….
Always try to be uplifting to all, even though I do experience like evryone the days of gloom and doom . however, i feel blessed to have and continue to be of this world, when allmy family dpearted whenthey were extremely young …
I used tobe so sad at those times and always wondered why i was the one who was to reach
an older age… I don’t question that anymore because i realise I was meant to stay in this world to understand others grief ,their problems and their worries instead of my own …
It was a huge awakening , and I hope i am around to continue to do the same for years to come …
To be Positive is a gift ….. This I learned over time ….i.t is life changing and assists in every choice one makes each day…
Lani, You may have gained the wisdom I seek You were raised by a grandmother and grandmothers have more wisdom to share and you have had the loss of two young spouses I think we have all heard about that guilt that many survivors feel, You have overcome it I love your happiness journal idea Recently, I started putting motivational quotes on the other website and I thought I could just flip through them, but there is nothing like a book and writing I may start a happiness journal That is what I meant by work at it At this age there is too much sorrow accumulated Thank you for sharing and this discussion will help me and others My peroiod and backspace in not working It happens I think I may get dibris in there
What can we want ,Rose ? We may want to love ourselves more ? We may want to accept ourselves as we are ,good and bad ? We may want to become our best friend and encourage ourselves as we try to become better people ?
See , in my opinion …love…happiness…satisfaction etc .” It all comes from within “. Outside influences have an effect on how we live our lives… and how we deal with the obstacles we encounter in our journey depends on how we feel about ourselves .
…
The following is an excerpt from an article I’ve found interesting .
A Harvard’s study of 268 men over 75 years Reveals “The Secret To Living A Happy Life is LOVE ”
Value love above all else.
Don’t underestimate the power of love, because it’s the key to happiness.
Dr. George Vaillant writes that there are two pillars of happiness: “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”
“The 75 years and 20 million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop,’ ” he says.
That’s right, you heard it straight from the horse’s mouth — love is everything. A person can have all the luxuries in the world, but without love, they mean very little.
Thank you nmod You have added a whole new dimension to this discussion No happiness discussion is complete without Love You are also so correct to point out self love is important We allneed to love and be loved and we must love ourselves Without loving ourselves it is hard for us to love others We may be too critical and we may expect too much of ourselves and others
nmod I would hope you would add your own blog, it is too good to be just a comment
In fact most of the comments could be a blog, but I am glad for all the comments
nmod, I read your comment and discovered I had overlooked the two pillars, “coping with life in a way that does not push love away ” Honestly, I may be one that pushes people away I hope I have learned better We all need to think of ways we attract people and ways we push them away, and I am talking about all people nmod, I and many others need to focus on how “we cope with life and push people away if we are to be happy
Boredom would be the opposite of happiness for myself. I like to visit seniorchatters and read what other age-related persons think. I’m not big on slogans or cute quotes. I like the direct approach better, to hear it from experience.
Keep on blogging!
Thank you for your comment and your encouragement You have hit another dimension Boredom is the opposite of meaningful slogans and quotes do not connect us to another and creates an irritant instead of a connection The person is there but there is a wall between you and them or a disguise Again there is an irritant
because how do you talk to a disguise?
I live in a city I usually have many options to choose if I get bored I can spend time with people who are edgy easier than I can spend time with people who are not sincere David, people may just be bored and think they are unhappy instead
All valid points Rose and others,I think that sometimes to draw a map of attaining ones goals can be stressful in itself and like the deck of cards can easily fall over for this reason.There has to be an initiator in laying the framework for where we want to go and what we want to do and that initiator has to be oneself with full responsibility for those actions without reliance on any other person or thing.I wrote myself a little verse no long ago and I often read it and I`d like to share it.it helps me realise that tomorrow can be as fruitful as today or if today is not so full of achievements then tomorrow might be,and I can set some goals.
Hello new light of day,welcome
To let me see a smile
To see who is laughing
Whether it be warm or cool
To see the colours of the day
The jousting of a breeze
The passage of a cloud
The flight of a bird
A flowers radiance
The warmth of light on my face
The glow of light upon loved ones
Later I shall reflect on this light of day
And promise tomorrows dawn of light
Will nourish as it has today
Sylvester. That is what I mean by work at it. We need something to overcome the worry and sadness and anxiety at this age. Most of us do. I like your verse and Appreciating what any of us have is good.
Hello Sylvester, I think you have it in a nutshell……..enjoy what you may find in each new day, the beauty in simple things……the working days when we were ruled by the clock, always something to do, not enough time to do it have gone………..tomorrow isn’t promised, seize the day and enjoy, you obviously like putting pen to paper and writing verse, you have found something to keep the old grey matter ticking over, and long may it continue…..
Starlette, I am not talking about doing more of what you got tired of doing, I am talking about doing more of what makes you happy. I know a woman who is out in her sister’s pool every day all day long. She loves doing it and about dinner time, she goes home and makes dinner and does whatever else needs doing. The sun is not healthy for the skin and she is brown as a nut, but I don’t say a word to her. She is happy doing what she is doing. It would make me crazy, but it works for her.
you may still be perfectly happy being free finally, and when you want to make a change, you will.
I think it goes without saying we will all try and do more of what makes us happy………study for some, relaxing for others, depends what frame of mind we are in and how we feel at the time….some days when I am feeling more productive I will write, days when I am feeling artistic I will paint, days when I need to learn something I need to know on my computer I grudgingly go to the computer class, techy stuff is not my forte but I am aware if I want to continue to use it I have to learn…… the learning does not bring me joy, but using the computer does, so it is a means to an end………
Starlette. there is a line in a poem, ” I do not want to come to die and find that I have not lived”. If any person is unhappy, it is time to DO something different. If you are happy, you may need to just leep doing exactly what you are doing. There are many people who are unhappy and they need to take it very seriously and Do something different.
I do thank everyone for their comments and I think we have a very comprehensive coverage of this topic that may benefit those who read it.
Hi Rose
iam unique-my user name and i loved your post and enjoyed reading the replies.yes Rose i too tend to dwell too long on my trials and as you rightly say work has definitely helped retain perspective .i hope to learn a lot in this senior chatter site.thank you Rose
Great blog
First of all I rarely watch the news anymore….soooooo depressing! (although I have to admit I still read the obits)
I am blessed with 5 grandchildren who keep me young and active. I can look at life thru their eyes. How cool Is that! There is always hope. There are always options. I volunteer a lot. By doing that, I get out of myself by helping others I gain so much fulfillment from it!
and last but not least I have learned to be comfortable around me and just enjoy my alone time.