Some Funnies

Something to do in retirement!

The Parking Ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I Went into Christchurch and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on,How about giving a senior citizen a break?’ He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.I called him an arsehole . He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

So the wife called him a dick head. He finished the Second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first.Then he started writing more tickets.This went on for about 20 minutes.The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote
.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We weren’t too concerned about the vehicle’s owner because of the sticker on the back window I support the Auckland Blues We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.
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Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
‘Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?’
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks,
‘Honey, please… just one more time before I die.’
She says, ‘Of course, Dear,’
and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he’s down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses.
‘Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could…’
At this point the wife sits up and says, ‘Listen Morris, enough is enough…..

I have to get up in the morning… you don’t.’

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Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
“Hey Baby…..whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”
She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!!”
While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either so he asked ….”Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe…why don’t you give ole George here your best last kiss?”
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
“Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

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