Just something I wrote 3 years ago.

February 25th, 2018. I woke up this morning and I was thinking about life, how I live life. And it was in terms of parallel or series.

I thought that life was about making choices when you come to a fork in the road. Not necessarily just 2 options, maybe more sometimes. Once you made a decision that’s it, stick with it.

I remember having an agenda in the 90’s. I was involved in many social activities and it came a point that if I didn’t have my days full, I was not being efficient. At that time my 2 daughters were teenagers and were getting more independent. That freed some time besides work, which was always a big constant.

Then came a saturation point where I felt that I was not in control of my own life. It was around mid life, most probably the mid life crisis. I made poor choices I know now. But I wouldn’t be who I am if I had not experienced them. I started dropping off committees until I eventually had nothing planned. And the agenda, well I just scrapped it.

Up to that point I thought of life as a series circuit, everything is linear, not necessarily a straight line, but with ups and downs, turns and whirl arounds, mostly like a roller coaster. The difference being that you can never return to the starting position. You move forward or stagnate for a while or just end up being part of a very long train leading wherever, without a care in the world, being dragged through life.

So for a long time I have lived a parallel life. I am forever exploring life, mainly intellectually rather than physically. It’s not a roller coaster anymore, it’s a guitar with strings, many strings. And as fingers do, I move up and down, but then again I would set the guitar flat so that there is no more up and down, just side to side motions. Whatever changes are my own doings. I can be lightheaded and carefree and just dance on the strings, or I can slow down when life grabs you, cease strumming and just resonate with a steady sound that grabs your soul at that moment.

I like to think that I am open minded. I know that I can be judgmental and it is sometimes unconsciously done. If I stop and think about a situation I wonder why I had said something. Was it because it’s said so often that it naturally becomes part of who you are? I decided to question my own reactions; would I think differently if it was other players in the same position? And sadly it does. I ask myself that question often when I have time to react.

I do not think linearly either. I have always jumped from thought to thought, idea to idea, without an absolute pattern, without conclusions most of the time. Conclusions are so final; no use to even think about it, WE did it for you, whoever the WE may be. I had a young student in training for a few weeks. He was so gullible and he believed everything that my coworkers were telling him. And not all my coworkers were right about the conclusions that they had arrived to. I told the student to take in consideration what others tell him, set it aside for now. Later in life if it proves to be true, then make it part of your knowledge. I try to consider anyone’s point of view. Doesn’t mean that I have to agree or disagree on the spot.