JOHN CLEESE’S ARTICLE – HILARIOUS
ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese
British writer, actor, and tall person
And as a final thought – Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
Life is too short…
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I’ve seen that before, Jojo, but still funny. I also like the reference to 430BC. They say things go in cycles. Seems we’re due for 430BC back again,
I think you’re right Way – God help us!! lol Thanks for your comment.
Jo Jo, so funny, absolutely adore John Cleese hes the most natural funny man I have ever seen perform, I can picture him in my minds eye saying all that ha ha ha .. thank you for placing that here Jo Jo have a wonderful day.xxx
I think you’re right Way – God help us!! lol Thanks for your comment.
Oops, I seem to have posted my reply to Way twice – sorry, system so slow I thought it hadn’t gone through! lol
Lani, I absolutely agree with you – John Cleese is the best! I couldn’t resist sharing this article – I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
I’m just home from work, Jojo, I needed a laugh and you supplied it! Thanks 🙂 x
So glad this article provided a much needed laugh for you Steve. I found it hilarious. Thanks for commenting/
brilliant jo jo 😀 😀 😀
Glad you enjoyed it Pols
Thanks Jojo, that was great. I need a little John Cleese humor every so often.. He’s the best 😛
I agree with you Millie – we do all need John Cleese’s humour every so often. Thanks for your comment.
Funny and informative doubled the pleasure. The USA wasn’t mentioned. Why?
I have no idea why the USA wasn’t mentioned – I’m sure John Cleese could’ve taken a poke at them too! Thanks for your comment.
Whatever do u mean? What could he possible have to make fun of us about 😛
Thank you, Jojo, for a much needed laugh. I will be giggling all day as i think about this blog. And I must thank John Cleese as well. Not bad for a tall guy!
You’re right jackiestone – not bad for a tall guy at all. I absolutely adore John Cleese’s funny walk with those long skinny legs. He’s a born comedian. A FISH CALLED WANDA is one of my favourite movies.