Is an only child a lonely child……..

Do you think an only child misses out, either in childhood or as an adult……..if so in what way……..what if any are the advantages of being an only child………are there any disadvantages/advantages from having multiple siblings……..and what about having or being an elder parent…..is this frowned upon by your child, friends or relatives……… do you think your parents favoured one of your siblings over you, or indeed you over your siblings……..I myself was one of six children, a step brother and step sister have now died, but they were the ones I was closest to, my own full blood sisters I very rarely see, as a child we had our own friends, but also played together, I never felt neglected of attention, but usually went to my elder sister to find out about personal stuff, so that was handy, my mother didn’t do that stuff ……..as an adult, well In my opinion i may as well have been an only child…..who said blood is thicker than water……. they were fibbers……..lol

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  1. Lots of questions, Star… very interesting blog. I will think about this and may reply… later.

    After living next to an only child (my ex-neighbor who got married and moved to Houston, TX)… I was to witness a very bratty young woman. I saw her pout and whine many a times. I disliked her behavior at times but still thought the world of her; and I certainly do miss her.

    I was brought up so differently; I was one of four children… with quite an age gap in between us all. My baby brother was spoiled… but I never got envious because he was the only boy and the baby of the four.

    1. Hello Pam, well I guess your neighbour had some redeeming qualities for you to like and miss her…….and the baby of the family would always get spoilt, especially by big sisters……..would be like another doll to them, but one that cried and chuckled………

  2. Starlette, I think there is a group here for only children, but all can are welcome. You may want to visit that group if it is still active. As to our siblings, you would think they would get closer as they age, but some get involved with their own dynasties and the ties of birth diminish.

    1. Hi Rose, yes it would appear we get tied up and involved with our own offspring……but they can never relive our childhood memories with us as a brother or sister could, remembering things we had forgot and vice versa…..

        1. Yes it is Rose, but coming from a larger family is no guarantee that you will remain close and always be there for each other, so I would say an only child does not miss out, actually benefits from one to one attention, and given more opportunities to explore and enjoy activities that maybe would not have been financially possible if there had been other siblings…..

  3. Well my son is an only child…not out of choice I must add …I sadly gave birth to my first son the year before who was still born…the year after my son was born I had a miscarriage… but as an only child no he never was lonely…my sister had twin girls the same month as me so the three grew up very close… starting playgroup/nursery/and school together so in that respect he was perhaps luckier than someone who had a sibling a year or so difference…I was the eldest of 4…3 girls 1 boy all close and still are to this day…I suppose having a close family all living near with same age children helped…As for being spoilt yes i suppose he is but he is well mannered and kind so I dont regret spoiling him but im the type that would have spoilt more if id had them…I suppose different situations have different outcomes I am lucky.

    1. Hi Sunsip, guess it was fate for you to just have the one son, but as you say, still cousins to bond with………my grandson is an only child, he doesn’t have any cousins either but many friends, some would say he is spoilt in one respect, but he has never asked for anything, and like your son is good mannered and respects people……and that in my eyes is not behaving like a spoilt child…….its good that you your brother and sisters have stayed close, so easy to drift when people move away………you are lucky indeed……..

  4. I am the mother of an only child. My daughter was adopted because I was unable to have children. Of course, I worried what an only child would go through. I was told an only child has deficit social skills. Yet my daughter is a social butterfly. She makes friends easily and has a tremendous compassion for her peers who are struggling with mental illness and those who are bullied at school. She hopes to enter into the field of psychological therapy.

    Yes, I believe there are bouts of loneliness an only child experiences. I myself was the only girl in the family and sorely missed not having a sister. My brothers did their thing and I had rely on my best friend who lived across the alley for companionship and making childhood memories. My daughter has girlfriends over very often to stay the weekend and go with us to special events.

    Still I don’t feel being an only child has harmed my daughter despite the challenges. So many of us have family systems and specifically family members that make it difficult for us at times. There’s no perfect family, but still if we are strong and resilient we endure.

    So many told me that only children are horribly spoiled. So, I worked to not let that happen. My daughter to her credit is generous to friends and those in need. She thinks of others.

    I’m not saying my sixteen year old is perfect or lives a perfect life, however, I think she has dealt with being an only child rather well despite the challenges.

    1. Hello Neecee, credit to you that your daughter is doing so well, yes I think we go that extra mile sometimes to ensure that an only child does not feel as if they are missing out, having friends staying over often, maybe put more effort into encouraging them to join various after school activities, and the time this involves transporting then around ……there is seven years separating my son and daughter, so they had their own friends and didn’t have any shared activities, but he loved her as a baby, and although they are chalk and cheese I know they will always be there for each other…….but my cousin was an only child of older parents, she has done very well career wise, and is now happily married with a family of her own……being an only child certainly did her no harm………..just as an afterthought, I found bringing up my daughter more difficult than my son, he asked for nothing, wasn’t into top end trainers and labelled clothes, never threw a strop……….now my daughter…..well that’s another story…lol……always said her middle name was” I want ” she didn’t always get, she is doing ok, good management job, still high maintenance, but her money, not mine…………

  5. I was an only child. I really never felt lonely, because I always had family and friends around. One thing that I think may have hindered me later in life is that I really didn’t know how to handle arguments, and disagreements. I didn’t have siblings to practice on.. lol So, as a result I think when I got married, I didn’t know how to handle those things.

    1. Hello Honey, interesting, you know I never thought of that concept of it……..so I guess marriage was a learning curve for you, well it is for us all……..bit more of an eye opener for you though when tempers flared, never having had siblings to argue with……….I’m sure you soon learnt how to sort things out without resorting to blows……lol..

  6. I grew up in an institution with 150 other kids,so as you can imagine,there were times when I just longed for a bit of quiet “Me” time when I could do nothing in peace and quiet.
    Regulated duties and pecking order fights were the order of the day,but one got used to them.
    Growing up as an only child ,was an alien concept,that one rarely if ever,thought about.

  7. Hi capps, well the other end of the scale there, I cannot even begin to imagine what that situation was like, but if its all you knew then nothing to compare it with, but I would say without a doubt, being an only child would have been far more of a pleasanter childhood to have, lonely or not……..but somewhere along the line it would have shaped who you became, and what you aspired to

  8. After giving much thought as to whether or not I should respond to this blog, I have decided I’m going to share my thoughts on the matter. I am an only child and I will admit I get a little upset when people find out that I’m an only child and their first reaction is, “oh you must be spoiled.” I did not have or get everything I wanted. I had chores to do for a weekly allowance and if I wanted any extra money, I would scratch my daddy’s back for a quarter (0.25). I started working at a bakery behind the sales counter when I was 14 and have worked most of the years between then and now. My parents were frugal, they saved their money and spent wisely. My mother could sew, so a lot of my clothes were hand made. My dad was excellent mechanic, and car body repairman, so my first car was one that an insurance company had considered “totaled” and was transformed into a brand new car in our garage by the hard word and hands of my dad. I grew up on a block full of kids my own age, so we walked to and from school together, spent summers together and were out playing until it got dark every night. I was never lonely. I didn’t get into trouble due to a sibling. If I got into trouble, there was only ME to blame. I see it with my kids, my grandkids, everybody that has siblings, the arguments, the fighting, the pain, the tears, the trouble and misery that each one can cause to the other and I’m just thankful I didn’t have to deal with that. If I missed out on anything by being an only child, I guess it would have to be that. I don’t consider myself selfish, in fact, I think I am a very giving, loving, compassionate adult. I think it all has to do with how one is brought up. If I would of not had to work for things and would of been just given them, I would not of learned the value of hard work and saving/managing money. If I would of had a sibling to blame things on that actually were my doing, I would not of learned the value of being honest and taking the consequences for my own actions. Gosh I could go on and on about this but I think you will get my take on the subject.

    1. Hello Susan, so glad you did reply…….you point lots of positives out in your reply, the fact that you had to take responsibility for your own actions, no one else to blame, the work ethics you acquired were from the good role models that were your parents, and irrelevant of how many are in the family good role models are essential for every child………you were well grounded, credit to your parents……missing out on arguments, fights etc…..well that is no loss………..so again no drawbacks for being an only child………..of course children from larger families also have good parents and ethics, well they did from yesteryear anyway……..not sure about some I see around today…….and I still maintain discipline and good manners starts in the home……..things you are taught as a child stay with you through life……….