Important Message from the Manufacturer’s of Prevacid

Per the makers of Prevacid, “Pregnancy Risk – No proven risk to humans.” WTH??? (What the heck? – keep it clean you gutter snipes! LOL) Are we talking about non-human babies? WAIT!!! Hold the phone! Back up the train!!! I had no idea that elephants, lions, squirrels, whales, perch, ladybugs, blue jays, chameleons, even robins, black widow spiders too, and bears as well had begun taking Prevacid! Where do you suppose they get it? Have I not noticed the stores for mammals, birds, and reptiles? Well it is understandable about the insect stores, they must be very tiny! And I can’t see chit now that I am old and all… How big is the pill for a ladybug? The size of a spec? Exactly, how big is a spec? Like the dot on the bottom of the exclamation point? And OMG, how the hell big is the capsule for an elephant? The size of a loaf of bread, three footballs, 475 graham crackers? One thing is for sure, must be the chewable tablets! And exactly how do they pay for it? What does a squirrel do…pull up to the drive through with 14 acorns? Black widows with 46 flies? Bears with 7 salmon? Ladybugs with 1027 knats? Its 14 worms per tab for the robins? 3 lbs. of regurgitated fish for one whale capsule? I wonder if they have shopping carts. Do they have drive thru’s? OMG, this totally escaped me!!! What about their medical insurance provider? Dr Dolittle…calling Dr Dolittle….wait!!! Does he do insects too…I never knew…

Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction –
1. hives – critically important to not disturb the bee’s as they enter and exit
2. difficulty breathing – not during physical relations
3. swelling of your face, lips tongue or throat – not caused from physical relations

Symptoms of low magnesium –
• dizziness – if you cannot find your way out of the bathroom
• confusion – when you walk from room to room in your house not sure what you are looking for
• jerky muscle movements – when your muscle become like a beef jerky
• feeling jittery – not the flab on the underside of your biceps
• diarrhea that is watery or bloody – as opposed to hard as rock and green [for mild diarrhea see below]
• muscle cramps – not the little critters in the knickers…CRAMPS not CRABS – check bifocal prescription
• muscle weakness – it takes two hands to lift a teaspoon
• Limp feeling – now how’s a man to know past the age of 50???
• Cough – like when you do it purposely to get someone’s attention at the pharmacy
• Choking feeling – when you haven’t smoked for 25 years and decide you’ve just got to have one more before you die
• Seizure – different from when you attempt to dance fast!

Less serious side effects –
1. Headache – until you see your temples throbbing, no worries
2. Nausea – every time you fly steal the “up chuckie” bags, ask your friends and family to, you got it covered
3. Stomach pain – ladies when you think you’re ready to deliver the baby, you got a problem!
4. Mild diarrhea – up to 6 cups constitutes mild, 6 to 10 cups moderate, filling the toity to overflowing = holy chit severe!
5. Constipation – when your poopie is too biggie

Why do we take this stuff?