Honest Chat
I love to talk to an honest person. I rarely have the opportunity. This sounds awful and like I am a cynic but this is my honest talk. Most people may not lie but they have anything worth knowing classified and restricted to the nth degree. So if their lips are moving they have almost nothing to talk about except the weather or worse gossip about others. Their stuff is under lock and seal and they have not said a sentence worth remembering in years. Many of these people are lonely and unhappy and they want intimacy and close warm relationships, but they don’t realize there is no way to connect except in a very superficial way and so all their relationships are unfulfilling. I have been in the chat room for six months and most of what I have heard worth remembering could be put in one short paragraph. I like everyone in the chat room, because there is nothing not to like.
I guess some people come cyberspace to recreate themselves and live in fantasy and that is their choice. Many people have all kinds of reasons for sealing their life from others but i hope that some could find reasons to share their life and find some information worth sharing when they come to chat, their favorite color, their pet peeve, their best wisdom on any subject, or the highlight of their day, or their favorite food, or their favorite shoes, or a new hairstyle, or any challenge met or unmet. Almost anything true and real is worth hearing. We are all examples of
human creation and experience and I find that all just incredibly interesting. I think most people do, and the empty words and fantasy just are like smoke, or fog, or air leaving everyone irritated, confused and with nothing to remember. Now we also know if women won’t talk to women, we also know that men are less likely to talk than women and so many women are skipping past women to get to the men and that leaves them with a bigger problem. I have said a lot and I will be happy to be corrected or validated.
I understand what you’re saying, Rose.. but I also understand the need for some people to be a bit hesitant in revealing much about their personal life which may be very, very difficult, sad, and complicated, and not easily understood by others. I have realized, that while there are many nice and sincere people, there are also those who misjudge someone quickly and unfairly… and who then may also relay info to others, which most often turns out to be a very distorted version of what someone has mentioned. I’m one of those people who keep to themselves at first, because I’ve been betrayed and hurt in the past, when I trusted too quickly. ..I’m honest with anyone who inquires about me or my life.. but I don’t readily put it out there. I have been betrayed by some who drew me in..asking questions of me.. making me think they were someone I could trust with telling of my life’s problems and complicated issues, but I’ve sadly come to realize that not everyone will be loyal. …Now, I agree that there can be some people on the internet who are trying to be someone entirely different in cyberspace, and yes, we need to be very careful of that. …But, there are many honest people too, and I think it’s great that others can share lots about themselves right away. …But, we also need to keep in mind, that there may be good reason why some people seem to keep things to themselves. ..We can still have wonderful, friendly conversation in the chat rooms about many different things.. and we need to understand those people who may be a bit shy and less revealing about their personal lives, which may too emotional and difficult to discuss.
Katelin, I hear you, and I don’t need people to spill their guts, most people don’t need the messy stuff. One person said, ” I dinged my dinner” when others were sharing recipe talk and it was a glimpse into his life. That is a perfect example of his being real and sharing in his own way. We have all been betrayed. I was betrayed but I need to share it with others and learn to be less vulnerable, but shutting out everyone is a price, I am not willing to allow the betrayer to make me pay. I am more open and more loving and wiser than before.
Rose, I have made some wonderful friends on the internet, as in ‘real’ life. ..There are many people here on this site whom I consider life-long cherished friends, that I have grown to trust and know the true goodness in their hearts. …Just because some of us are not readily sharing our personal lives in the chat room or on private chat right away, does not mean that we’re entirely closed off and won’t trust or share ever again. In my case, I certainly do keep my heart and friendship open to anyone who wishes to get to know me.. but it takes me time to be willing to give up information about my personal life and family, I choose to be more cautious at this point. I’m sure many others feel the same way that I do. It’s a learning process for many of us. It’s the same way in real life as it is on the internet. ..Now, some people will continue to be up-front with lots of information.. and some will not reveal anything at all about themselves. Everyone is different, for many different reasons, and everyone will contribute to discussions or friendships here in their own way and will communicate in chat or elsewhere on site in many different ways, due to the many different personalities. ..Some are shy, some are more outgoing. We can still respect all of the different personalities and appreciate the diversity on this site.
Well that was interesting. Not sure if I’ve been insulted or spanked. A bit of both perhaps?
For myself, I think my profile statement says it all. “Ask”. For others on here, I would disagree with your contention that nothing of themselves comes through. I know quite a bit about many of the people on here and not by any fancy cyber geek efforts either (Ask anyone. My cyber skills are laughable). through listening to them.
Yes, the chat can be very casual, weather etc, as you commented, but other things come out too.
My opinion is that the chat rooms are for everyone to share what they feel comfortable with and hold back what they do not wish to share.
People come on here, as you say, for many reasons. Some come in nervous and afraid of what they will find and blossom into real characters once they find their feet a little. Others lurk on the edges of the conversations, content to be observers in the main, but even these contribute.
So I completely disagree that nothing of the people comes across in the chat rooms. All you need to do is listen.
Well said, Way.
Ditto Katelin, well put Way! Different strokes for different folks. We are a mix of personalities – as it should be, its gives up the spice of life for a chat room. Listening is key, not just a sentence or two; and realizing the first time you meet someone no matter what they say, it is not possible to know the “whole” person from the initial chat alone.
Wayland. Your first sentence says it all and the shoe fits and it pinches. I have paid more attention to you since I heard a remark made about you which was they do not think your wit and intellect comes through. I agree and I cannot listen to what you don’t say. How many people are going to ask enough questions to learn the essential facts that you want most people to know. I think asking questions is an invasion and like to allow a person to share what they want to share especially until trust is built. Speech is a gift of humans to allow sharing and complicated messages, if we don’t use it, we lose our humanity to that degree.
Everyone on here gives only what they are prepared to, holding back certain secrets that are either too precious or too traumatic to share.
In that we are all the same.
The trick, for me at least, in chat is to know when to listen and when to ask. I find that I rarely have to ask, because if you listen you hear more than is said.
That’s so true way I agree totally
Well said Kate and well said way.!!
Well said, Way.
Who can trust whom? Words are so very easily spoken but the truth is such a heavy word that only a few people are able to hold.
I think that if you find someone who speaks the truth you have a friend for life. I would rather have a couple of true friends than hundreds who are just superficial Lela
I so agree, Lela.
Lela
One of the best friends I ever had never shared anything “private”, but she only spoke the truth and she always told me when she was free to see me and that was what i needed to know and it was alway asap. and she told me what prevented her from seeing me sooner. She also told me how she could help and I did the same. She is deceased and I will always miss her.
I hear what you are saying Rose, the chat rooms are quite fast moving at times, you can pick up snippets of information about others, but i think the only way to go is private chat to get to know someone better………..but be aware that what you are seeing in the little box may not be the truth either……….you may not be aware you are being lied to………often the things left unsaid is where the real truth lies…..
VonMichael
Truth is power. I had cornflakes for breakfast won’t rock national security. I am having a bad hair day won’t either. I am still hungover from last night may be more truth than is advised. Discretion is the better part of valor, but the more you keep to yourself the more of you is lost to others. You become nonexistent or dead to others long before they come to your wake.
I am very new to this medium and only joined after considerable research. My understanding is that it provides a means by which people can exchange ideas on a variety of topics of common interest. Should people get to know each other well enough to discuss personal issues, then that is a matter for the individual, but if one wants to bear their sole, prudence would suggest they do so privately. Maybe I am lucky, but I have close friends with whom I can discuss personal issues (should I wish to) on a face to face basis. I realise that some people are restricted by circumstances – health, transport,location etc. and personal (as in physical) contact is often impractical or not possible, but there are other options if one needs a sympathetic/understanding ear. I speak from practical experience having been a Samaritan Befriender for some 15 years. As a final thought, many people have great difficulty articulating the feelings they experience under extreme stress. Typing them would be even harder. This is not meant to be offensive and I hope it helps.
Katelin, I disagree about the chatroom and friendship. It is the big meetup and when and if you connect you can go private, or you can just continue to chat.
Most people see a connection between honest sharing and real friendship and that is my purpose.
Ozzybloke
If you are not wishing or needing friends then you can chat for whatever purpose is served. My soul can stand naked as a jaybird and if a feather needs fixing, I am happy to have help. My physical body and life needs cover and is more vulnerable. I save my discretion for that.
Rose
Your opening comments noted but I’m not interested in being drawn into that. As we say down under – Good on ya. You have a nice day. 🙂
Oz
ozzybloke
I respect your opinion and appreciate you for sharing. I need to know “Good on ya”. I love learning the lingo. Danggone, thats southern.
Rose
The expression good on ya, sometimes abbreviated further to just ” onya”, may vary in meaning according to the context in which it is used. In this case, I politely closed the conversation but wished you well in the process – thus the added “have a nice day” and smiley. It can also be use in lieu of thank you, or as praise for deeds well done. In Oz it is frequently heard at sporting events. When it is used as sarcasm or disbelief, it is usually preceded by the word “Yeah”, and when spoken, the tonal emphasis is considerably different. Hope this helps. Oz
Oxxybloke, Good on ya also. I appreciate your explaining this,it will save me the trouble of trying to learn it. I hope I used it correctly. i like your style.
onya another ozzie but a sheila not a bloke lol
Well stated Ozzybloke, not everyone finds it easy to type the written words when trying to talk or explain something. A good thing to remember.
Oh My! I joined SC over 3 years ago, and Chat was the first place I went. I have so many disagreements with you, I don’t know where to begin. Do I divulge every secret corner of my life? No, I do not. Do I ask very personal questions of others in a public forum as a chat room is? No, I do not. As far as getting to know someone on a highly personal level? I cannot imagine that knowing their favorite color would help me along those lines…not at all. That said, without divulging each and every moment of my past or present experiences, or asking about those of others, I have formed very close personal relationships over the years. It is called getting to know people. We experience the truth of one another over time. That is something that cannot be hidden, day after day, month after month. One’s true personality comes through. How that can possibly bore anyone is way beyond the scope of my understanding.
Your favorite color matters to me. I had a friend who loved purple and i knew that when I saw her or her house, I would see purple. If I sent you flowers, i would send your favorite color. Color choice can also tell about moods. Moods are not called blue blue or rosy without reason. Mostly, small things are our essence, our personal uniqueness and a way to relate to another.
I come into a chat room as I would come into a bar…I wouldn’t stay if there was a lot of fights or if I was completely ignored..I find chat (like bars) are for light entertainment, casual conversation , the chance to meet new people, and (like real life) the chance to meet special people every once in a blue moon….I’m rarely disappointed because I do not arrive with great expectations…but once or twice, if you are lucky, you find a place where the pace is just right, the other patrons are kindred souls and you get more out of it…If it had a juke box, and perhaps a pinball machine, this chat room would maybe be better, but even without those, this is MY bar…I don’t like a bunch of drama, or constantly dealing with those in heat….There are 10,000 places like that on the net…and I’ve seen a lot of them…I don’t know if it is the cover charge or the “senior” rating that keeps the trolls out, but whatever it is, I’m grateful for it.
I would not bare my soul to anyone in a bar or chat without knowing them for a long time nor would I do it in public unless I was very drunk, and I usually hold my liquor well…I would, perhaps, talk with a little more depth in a private booth in low tones…I don’t make romantic overtures in chat because 1) I’m married and 2) you are really doing it blindly as all you really know about who you are speaking to is a picture or avatar and what they have said….That is worse odds than playing roulette!…However, the distance and blindness makes little difference on any other level, is no real problem.
I’m not picking a fight..or even driving home a point except a point of view…People wander into many places for many reasons…These were mine for coming here…..Mark
Well expressed Mark! You made some excellent points.
Voodoo
I almost totally agree and you comment needs to be a blog. You and I have different expectation levels and also, we both overlooked the fact that we can impact the bar or chatroom. There are people who can light up a room and I am not that type, but I am working on it.
Like Katelin… stated, why disclose everything about oneself?!? I, for one am a very private person; and I prefer to keep it that way. My life is my business and mine alone. I don’t think I hold any exciting/thrilling secrets ~ I just prefer a private life.
I don’t frequent the chat rooms because I find that I have nothing to share. I guess I lead a pretty boring life. I feel guilty if I spend too much time on-line while my husband works. That’s just the way I am… I am a bundle of guilt. 🙂
I’m sorry that I don’t take time to go in and chat… but, I think I’ve made it quite clear that I prefer to ‘post’ and enjoy the groups.
In the years that I chatted… I learned one thing ~ a person can be anything and anyone they want to. Not all can be honest as I learned. It is difficult to trust ~ some.
All in all… I have enjoyed making the friends that I have in SC and am thankful for having found this site. Thanks for listening (reading).
Pam
Sc works in different ways for people. Sharing our opinions helps us to grow and deal with our issues. I hear boring and guilt. Neither of that is good. Accept yourself as you are and that gives you the foundation to work and make a life.Popeye the sailor man says a lot when he says, “I am what I am”. I love all your postings, pam but i
I wanted to meet people in the members group. I also loved your funny stories.
Mines a double Mark! cheeers
Mark mines a single ..im not greedy like marge lol
pity you wasn’t in today Rose..a very deep and meaningful conversation went on for about half an hour..have you ever heard the saying you have to put in to get out put..you should try it before you diss it.
Well said Mez. Yes Bloom, come to chat…we shall talk.
Mez. I agree and I have been too busy to be in chat lately. i have said, the warm and accepting people i met in chat helped me to get my faith in people back so it served a purpose. The good people are there waiting and it is a comfort, and I was focused on the negative, but what I say is still true for me. I will try to put more in, but
I don’t go in and try to make the chat change to my liking either.
The level of sharing will determine your level of connection and if you accept and respect yourself, others will also or they are dangerous and need to be avoided.
hi bloom, fair comments, but unlike yourself ,i have made many good friends, here, we exchange gifts at christmas, we enjoy the music together and discovered other, s, musical tastes, we have discussed what we like in fashion, we have fun with Linda and Stars stories, i,m pleased i was chosen for some to discuss their little problems and am grateful they trusted me to share them, we have walked with you through your renovations and were so proud of your achievments, I have learned most one can trust and a rare few , some I skype and recieve skypes from, we e.mail each other and with some i have become firm friends, i love to chat ozzy time and find after a chat session I go to bed happy, fulfilled,and, grateful for the banter that takes me away from the real harsh world. by the way my fave colour is peach or mauve ,and my fave singer is Chris Norman lol xxxxx(((hugs))))
over the years ive been on chatters ive seen people come on the site some in dispair and just looking for someone to chat and talk to some who cannot take a full active role in life careres for loved ones some wwith other problems divorce drinkand many other things to or just asking simmilar folks with same probs for advice and shareing the experiances together but not all can do tthat and its right for them they dont but that dont make them false in any way not all life should be put in print for others to analise for there benefite the site is there to participate in for all comers and take wat the site gives someone to chat to wen they want to
By hell Dav, bit intellectual there weren’t you, got dictionary at side of you lol
Well said though xx
Agree. I love and treasure honest communication, and I want to encourage more of it. I enjoy chatroom, but I have started leaving it a lot when the conversation is just too lacking any appeal.
When I go into chat, I’m just plain goofy…that’s just how I roll. Is it really me?? Yep! I usually go with whatever conversation the room is currently having. Everyday, we read or hear about the world’s tragedies, our friends are sick, or it’s been a hard work day. I try to insert a lot of humor, so they leave with a little laugh or feeling better. As I go into chat most of the time, I have gotten to know a lot of wonderful people, have I met them? No. But I’m happy to call all of them friends.
Agree. I love and treasure honest communication, and I want to encourage more of it. I enjoy chatroom, but I have started leaving it a lot when the conversation is just too lacking any appeal.
Rose,
I think you made some good points. I don’t know if I’m the best one to contribute here, since I rarely go into chat rooms. I don’t dislike them, but I get eye fatigue easily sometimes, and can’t always keep up. But I’ll throw in my opinions anyway.
I tend to be a trusting person mostly, and an open person…hopefully without being too naive or stupid about strangers on the net.
I very much agree that some people are looking for intimacy and a true friendship on social sites, and won’t get that if they aren’t willing to share anything personal about their lives. But I also agree with meany commenters before me, that sharing personal things is best after trust is established, and then in private chat or email.
Your ideas of discussing favorite colors, pet peeves, etc., are great ideas for chat room! Those aren’t very personal, but could reveal interesting things about someone’s personality.
Ha! I just noticed my typo! Near the end of my comment, I typed “meany commenters before me”. No, I don’t think any of you are mean! 🙂 How about “many”? That’s better.
KayBee
Could be something Freudian there, Most of the people are sweet and kind so come in, If a person is mean, they get so many cold shoulders, they leave quickly or get thrown out.
Lani
I like a lot of people and i was focused on a subject that is true of life in general not just the chat room and my experience. I didn’t make that clear. Thank you, I may go back and revise. I also know that everyone has reasons for making their choices, but for those who don’t like their results, they need to make some different choices.
Lani, you reached out to me the first and helped me with my name and in many other things, and I am still grateful. You made it a place that I felt safe and that I knew at least one person. Thank you so very, very much. SC has made me a wiser person, and I have said it.
thank you so much bloom foryour lovely compliment,just being me, always genuinly loving most, with very few exceptions,if I can be usefultosome then that is all I need blessyou bloom xxxx(((hugs))) hope my truth and honesty shows.
Kaybe, your opinion sounds good to me.
I have just read all of the replies…..as in real life….it takes years sometimes to build up a friendship…..to know that you can trust someone….well that’s my experience……some of my friends go back over 30 years with me…..these are the ones I would confide in…..I have made a few great friends….but I am still building on those friendships….maybe I am fortunate….in having friends offline….oh…..and of course my greatest friend is my husband….so…..he is my confidante……..I would be very wary of discussing my private life with people in the chat room….but….I see the chat room as a catalyst maybe…..where we can start to meet people and …..if we want to…..take it further…..we are all different….I understand this….but…..as Voodoo says he wouldn’t confide in a bar….same thing…and yes….I have got to the stage where I exchange Christmas cards and gifts with a few people….but…..I have come to know and trust them….In my opinion….we only need a few genuine friends in life……
xxxxxxxx M
wel said Morveena, we have many aqaintences we will all value ,but the true friends are , the one,s we have known for years and those we feel we can trust and have proven themselves trustworthy (((hugs))) xx.
Thank you for your comments and maybe there are a lot of people who have plenty of friends and are not needing to make others. I wrote the blog from the point of view of what I wanted to hear. I just regret that people are so isolated and alone when it is not necessary.
Rose, I have made some wonderful friends on the internet, as in ‘real’ life. ..There are many people here on this site whom I consider life-long cherished friends, that I have grown to trust and know the true goodness in their hearts. …Just because some of us are not readily sharing our personal lives in the chat room or on private chat right away, does not mean that we’re entirely closed off and won’t trust or share ever again. In my case, I certainly do keep my heart and friendship open to anyone who wishes to get to know me.. but it takes me time to be willing to give up information about my personal life and family, I choose to be more cautious at this point. I’m sure many others feel the same way that I do. It’s a learning process for many of us. It’s the same way in real life as it is on the internet. ..Now, some people will continue to be up-front with lots of information.. and some will not reveal anything at all about themselves. Everyone is different, for many different reasons, and everyone will contribute to discussions or friendships here in their own way and will communicate in chat or elsewhere on site in many different ways, due to the many different personalities. ..Some are shy, some are more outgoing. We can still respect all of the different personalities and appreciate the diversity on this site.
Honesty…….ermmm, i have just lost a friend on here because i was honest……..guess i told her something she didn’t want to hear………and another last week who i asked to be truthful with me……….i was told they had never lied to me……….no maybe not……..just a clever use of words,,,,,,,,it was the things that were left unsaid that were the lies………..one of these ” friendships ” was conducted over a year in private chat……….did i get to know them any better……….doesent look that way does it ………i am not stupid and pretty astute……..do not make the mistake of thinking everyone is as open and honest as yourself……………they are not………lots of smoke and mirrors going on sometimes.
Lighten up Bloom, this is just a chatroom not a psychiatrist couch.
Live and let live!
A chatroom can serve many purposes, and the support I got here was amazing and had an amazing positive impact on my life,
It’s a chat room, and we are all here for different reasons. Some are lonely and isolated and just want someone to talk to, some may have had a difficult day and come in to relax and let their hair down, some just to laugh and be goofy because they know they can. As has been stated by a number of you, I don’t reveal all the personal details of my life..there are a select few in here with whom I have shared several personal trials and tribulations, and they know who they are. But I don’t misrepresent myself either. I think most of you know by now, that if you ask for an honest opinion from me on something, you’ll get one..and if you trust me enough to talk about a personal situation, you also know that it will remain confidential. And star, I agree with you about the smoke and mirrors..people can say and be anything they want hiding behind a computer screen.
My fav colour is “RED”!!!!!…….now what do you think that says about me?….lol,…..star stay out of this one!!!,hahaha,xxxxxxx
Wouldn’t dream of commenting………..buttttt………red does signify…………Beware, Danger, and HOT HOT HOT !!!……..Tee Hee. xxxx
flowersun, Red is a Power Color. You have to be bold to wear red.Star is right also. Power to make your own choices,it seems.
I disagree,rose bloom,…I wear red because the colour suits me,….not because I’m “bold”!!!!,……I’m far from “bold”!!.
And who are you to say boldly that star is right?????…..speak for your self not others,…and especially not me!!!!.
flowersun, you are bold enough to tell me off in no uncertain terms and to tell give starlette an order. This color business is all in good fun. It is just a way to start a conversation and get to know a person and we have.
I think you need a good water!!.
LOL,star,xxxx
Bold or not………we really shouldn’t be allowed out on our own….TeeHee…xxx…
No comment lol.
a very wise man ha ha ha .Marty.
lol lol lol oh Marty…….you are so wise……….sit on the fence……..it is the safest place……….xxxx
A very well written commentary and I enjoyed it immensely. I honestly think the chat is a vivisection of the same kinds of conversations I hear in real life. When two folks meet at the mall, the conversation is usually rather fluff-filled at first and it takes time to open up to reveal some of the deeper levels.
The key factor is time.. trust happens over time and while chat rooms are just not conducive to the kind of trust needed to get to some of those deeper topics, a lot of it depends on the personality type. Some by nature are withholders and others are willing to spill their guts with nary a thought of any possible consequence.
I’m glad you posted this thought-provoking blog, rose. Would love to see more challenging thought like this in the future! People are going to get upset no matter what you write, so write boldly!!
Thank you chalkoutline for your support and encouragement. Thank you for your bold comment of support. I think you understand what my blog was about.
What is anyone looking for, Rose? Define honesty to me and I will give you a million different versions of the concept. If your intent was to create dialogue to see what peeks your interest- you’ve succeeded. Now what do you do? Weed out the “boring” or ‘mundane”? Got definitions for those terms, too…
ASil…Once again, Welcome to SC and to Chat–we’ve all enjoyed your company and do hope you will stay!
Excellent comments with which I totally agree. I shall now send you a Friend Request. 🙂
Ps,forgot to say,I changed my hairstyle yesterday ,I now have a beehive!!,with a red bow in it,that matches my tight red leather trousers and my fellas red Harley Davidson ,……now were of to the kebab house.
Keep doing the kebabs flower, and yu just aint going to fit into those leather trousers you got going on hahaha…xxxx