Hanging Out In My Head

Someone once said, “What you are comes to you” and that truly resonates with me. Especially in recent years as I contemplate what has come to me in my past. Like most, I have experienced heartbreak, failure, disappointments, the hopeless frustration of “what if”, and its next-of-kin, “what now?” I am trying to answer the latter of these two things as I believe the first to be unanswerable. For me, so many wrong choices & bad decisions resulted in my aforementioned heartbreak, failure, etc. that I cannot be even mildly surprised. And yes, there’s the fact that life itself is fraught with pain and hardships. Like my health that suddenly took a turn and caused me to retire early, or afterwards taking a bad fall & having a hip replacement. Then when I met & fell in love with my late husband I just knew that happily-ever-after had finally found me, until two months after we were married when he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer. That, right there….whew. I know many of you know. And since his passing in 2021 I have been trying to find the What Now that life still holds for me. Living close to God has certainly been my strength, and I can feel the renewing of hope in this process of healing. But my greatest hope is to keep “becoming”. To not see my life only through the rearview mirror, and to gladly, & gratefully embrace what remains. Doing so, I believe, will be the gateway to what comes, and I’m thinking the rest of my life could well be the best of my life.

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