Is Cybersex Classed As Cheating?
Hi folks…..hope this isn’t too controversial for a blog, but hey we are all adults are we not. So myself and three of my real life friends have a debate going on about cybersex, two are females one a man.
The question is, if a person is married and participating in cybersex is it classed as cheating? Differing opinions, one says its not real, no human contact so how can it be sexual, so not cheating. Another says, yes it’s cheating because it’s kept secret from the spouse – not talking about camming on Skype, just mean typing sexual talk to another person online
What’s your take on this?
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I would say…..It is all in the intention. If you intend to deceive it is a kind of cheating.
If you feel the need to hide some action or behaviour, the indication is, you are at some level ashamed of what you do and feel it wrong.
If you and your partner talk about it and without any coercion from either agree it is OK well it is OK.
Perhaps for some reason partners have different libidos, it may be OK. like a terminal illness, extreme depression .
It is a very murky area, partners who have committed to each other, one would hope they are as one unit. do things together for the benefit of each other, not risk something that would in anyway diminish the other, make them feel lessened in some way.
I’ve been working it out as I write and on balance I think it is cheating.
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Ty for your comment Rockflower…………you have tried to look at the question from different angles as you wrote……..makes you put your thinking cap on doesn’t it ………..well I have to answer honestly here……..I am a hypocrite and in this case have double standards……….if I was the spouse of someone doing cybersex then no doubt about it he would be a great big dirty cheat……..butttttt if it was me doing the cybersex with a married man I would probably come up with numerous valid reasons why it wasn’t really cheating either for him or me……….surprising how you can plead innocence when it suits…..lol
At almost 85 years young I enjoy talking to people all over the world. My first wife of 55 years would say to keep in contact with your high school classmates so I became the Class Monitor for our website. My second wife ( sister in law ) likes to watch TV all the time and we really do not have much to talk about. We are companions and travel around the country on AMTRAK each year. We live on my farm and everything is in each of our family trust for our kids. So being on the Senior Chat is real plus for me to meet and make friends. I am also a newspaper column writer and always looking for subject material for stories.
Hi Len…….well you wont have far to go to look for material for your stories…….start a blog on a subject (one that is allowed of course ) and the comments and opinions will follow….
Its an excersize in futility ..apart from the moral aspect.
Its recommended that everyone exercises for ten mins a day….hehe…..
Hi starlette.
When you say “no human contact”, I suppose you mean no physical contact.
The brain is still a sex organ. And one aspect of reading text is that there is this mystery of the unknown, “where is this leading to?”
I was once at a work related seminar and the speaker stressed that a good presentation should be like a woman’s skirt; short enough to keep interest, and long enough to cover the subject. At that point my mind drifted, but only for a few seconds.
How about this quote from Rodney Dangerfield;
I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, “what, you can’t think of anybody either?”
And to answer the question, definitely cheating.
Yes I mean physical contact…….hard to do that through a screen, but you would be connecting mentally and as we know the brain is a powerful thing….so I’m thinking its all in the imagination……….you see what you want to see…..but I tell you what………. gawd knows how many people do it, but fantasising about another while doing the “Deed “……I wouldn’t let on to your spouses about that one……..can be classed as a kind of cheating, let alone insulting……..
I have had Senior Chat members ask if we can go on the computer and have emails? I have told them that is definite NO as I am married and Senior Chat is not personal contact but just friendly chat with other old people that maybe be bored and want to chat. My wife says the Chat is fine and she checks on my chats at times. I hide nothing as also am the class monitor for my 1950 High School class and we all talk of the old days and times we had together.
Hi Len…..I have friends who I give my email to, but its not for any sexual reason, he sends pics of interest from around the world, events, quotes, sayings……..its the ones that ask if I have Skype that I avoid…lol…..
davidr, I love your answer and I love the skirt analogy. A man’s needs to keep his subject covered also. LOL.
Love your cheek star – of course it’s cheating! – It’s fun though, depending on how well, and fast u can write, and of course your sexuality. Depends on brain waves and trust also.
Really can’t see why we would deny ourselves such fun when it has really no bearing on an an existing relationship?
Heck sex is fun.
Cheek me…….how dare you….lol……….interesting answer, you say its cheating, but then say it has no bearings on a existing relationship………so why would a man or women look elsewhere………just for fun ?……..so it could be done without any feelings of guilt……
Without guilt!
We live short lives, and sex is a big player. I can’t see this would damage a partner – but would give 2 people some enjoyment- I’m all for it. I have tried it, and it is dead erotic!!!!! Answer to your post – No guilt involved
Ty Dave for your frank and honest answer……….I have been told in the past ……..it can do no harm and doesn’t hurt anyone……..so could be a case of what the head doesn’t know the heart cannot grieve over……
I forgot star pass on any of your female freinds that thought cyber sex ok????
Sorry I cannot provide you with any friends at this point Dave……still debating on the fors and against……..but you will be the first to know if one weakens…..once in your clutches she will succumb….lol…
I thought this might be interesting to post:
In her seminal book on emotional infidelity, “Not Just Friends,” the late psychotherapist Shirley Glass implores readers to “maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.” That’s sage advice, no matter how you define cheating.
Very good advice……..but sometimes the windows have been closed at home, hence people looking elsewhere…..
Starlette, you ask an interesting question and all the answers are excellent. Cheating depends on the DEAL you have made and I make a deal that does not include CYBERSEX. For those who may not think so, cybersex can be more powerful than some may imagine, so friends tell me. LOL. It can also be a slippery slope. I know of two marriages that failed due to cyber involvement. I don’t know for sure if sex was involved. It can be a “slippery slope” as others have said.
Hi Rose, I tend to think that if men/women go down the path of cybersex then things are not to good at home with their partners….of course I am only surmising……… I am being very careful here to say men and women………but in my time in chat rooms soooooo many men have come on to me asking what do I do here……..and they don’t mean do I go in the chat room……….I have spoken to a couple of men years ago about why men are looking for sex chat, one said its not an ideal solution but its better than nothing…… the other, his wife wasn’t interested in sex anymore, so cybersex would be the answer rather than him go out cheating……..sad really I suppose……
Of course it is cheating. If it is being done behind someone’s back it’s cheating.
Seems to be the opinion of most, hence the comments on my blog……
I think if you’re married or in a relationship, “just keep it in your pants” and don’t hurt the one you love doing that.
Good advice, but not so easy for some……
hi starlette well cybersex int that just asbad as internet porn hun we need toput astop toit tostopinocent youngsters getting cought upin this horrific style of harmto young minds we need toput stronger security on the web tostop youngsters getting hooked up on underage sex
Hello Greenwarrior……… I would say cybersex isn’t as bad as the porn vids that are out there (not that I have ever watched one you understand…lol )…cybersex would be between two consenting adults…..well two who are agreeing to type the sex chat to each other anyway……..the porn vids in some cases seem to be taking the place of actual sex in some marriages…….and the young ones watching them could well be given the impression that all what they see is the normal way of doing things…..
Hi Star,
let me give that question back to you. What sense does that typed talk make?????????
Talking about an illusion what for??
I’ve never understood those people which were fond of telephone sex at this time when it was in fashion. No sorry, I prefer a real meal and not camouflage.xxxM
Hello Michael, yes its all in the imagination……..and I suppose if you like the look of the person you are typing with then that is who you would have in mind……it could be likened to reading a sensual novel, you have to use your imagination and put the words into pictures to enjoy the book……..nothing beats the real thing if it is available………but unfortunately that is not the case for all….xxx
I do fully agree with you Star. You mentioned ** if a person is married….** which means to me an unhappy mariage or an mariage de convenance in which talks don’t do any harm to
the partner.
To talk that kind of stuff in a good mariage I would say is cheating, cheating the other person that person lives together with.
A situation like this hits the woman much, much harder than the male. A women has
( depending on where she is living ) only limited eventualities for a change.xxxM
Hi Michael, I would imagine the wife would be devastated if she were to discover her husbands on line activities…….I cannot speak for men whose wife’s could be cybering……..wouldn’t be to chuffed I dare say……..and I think that a women who is doing it could become emotionally attached to the man she is engaging with, she could see it as being more serious than it really is, whereas the man might see it as a bit of fun….or vice versa……but we women are wired up differently to you men, we are such sensitive emotional creatures…lol…xxx
Hello Starlette: Picasso said: “if you can imagine it then it is real”. Not my opinion!
Does your remark about women being sensitive, emotional creatures apply to a couple of lady prime ministers that come to mind? Mes homages
Hi Rodger, emotions and sensitivity certainly were not to the fore in one of them, at least according to her daughter….the present one, will have to wait and see on that one……
Yes. It’s cheating.
Hello Twilight….that would seem to be the general opinion…… especially from the female of the species…..
Well, wait till you get diabetes It all pure academic.
Haaaa that’s that then…….