Cyberflirting: How Harmful Is It?
I thought this article might be of interest to some of us …. There’s nothing new though … See if it attract any interest …
Cyberflirting: How Harmful Is It?
Many individuals have stated that cybersex and online
flirting is always harmful to a real-time relationship. Whether
or not this is true, there are clearly some unique factors that
make cyberflirting different than real-time flirting. In normal
human flirtation, there’s typically an implicit, and sometimes
explicit, boundary. The boundary states that this flirtatious
behavior is pleasant but that it has a clear limit. It is often
understood that we may engage in casual flirtatious language,
share a glance, make a sexual joke, or tease each other in a provocative manner, but that this is as far as it will go.
Most of these cues are a complex combination of verbal
and nonverbal communications, many of which, are not easily expressed on the Internet. Innuendo, exclamation, verbal punctuation, facial gestures, and intonation are all absent on the
Net. Combine these factors with the ease of availability, anonymity, and the disinhibition that occurs on the Net, and you
have fertile ground for an intensely flirtatious experience without
the boundaries found in real-time interaction. All this
occurs without of the normal social cues that promote reasonable boundaries. People can easily become carried away experiencing
and expressing strong sexual emotion.
It’s Easy to Get Carried Away
There have been numerous cases in which people started
out on the Net only for the purposes of engaging in casual conversation that unintentionally ended up being highly sexual
in nature. In addition, because of the accelerated intimacy
that they experience, these people became more involved,
more rapidly, then they ever intended. People often report
that they experienced levels of intimacy and self-disclosure
that were unparalleled in their real-life relationships! Needless
to say, this can be highly problematic to your marriage or relationship.
Again, because of accelerated intimacy and disinhibition,
people will share information with their Net mate that they
wouldn’t ordinarily share in their real-time relationship. This
can represent a potential significant threat to any primary relationship or marriage. The relaxed conversation style, combined
with the sexual themes that often appear in Internet communication, offer serious competition to sometimes mundane real
life. After all, how can everyday life compete with the intense, uninhibited excitement of relationships online?
If you want to assess your dependence on an online relationship,
or gauge its seriousness, consider discontinuing the
online relationship. If that relationship has become a significant
one, it will be a difficult break to make. You are experiencing a similar scenario that people undergo when assessing
an actual affair—that is, when people address the issues of the
marriage versus the affair. To some extent, however, you will
always be comparing a fantasy to real life, which is a tough comparison.
From “Virtual Addiction” by Dr. David Greenfield, copyright 1999, 2006.
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Well it goes without saying that getting involved on line can lead to hurt and upset…….as was discussed recently………..but I guess I must be dependent and addicted to some people, the very thought of severing communication with them fills me with anguish.
Nmod a great Blog with very useful information. I will let it make me wiser. I think boundaries need to be set up in any human encounter and when I find myself rushed or in an unwelcome situation, I find a quick and graceful exit or a safer distance. Kind and respectful people are the only encounters, most of us want or need. Than you .
Wow, can you believe this was first published in 1999? Maybe it would be good to have this as a disclaimer on all chat sites?
I have read this twice and dont have clue, seems like just a bunch of words
and no meaning!
I think it is good food for thought. Thanks for sharing this.
A very good article indeed. A full platter of food for thought, no doubt. I, like Starlette, would be lost and empty without a few special friends I have made on SC. Anguish would not adequately describe the loss of any one of them. There would be a hole in my heart forever. I do not mean to infer that everyone on my friend list qualifies for that special friends category. Just a select few where we mutually shared our lives, our dreams, our failures, our heartaches. Any cyber relationship is defined by the two people in it. Together you decide the boundaries and other such things – whether implied or discussed. Cyber relationships that are guided by the same “rules” and respect that you would give an inperson relationship have the best chance at succeeding. Each person’s parameters will be different – because we all are different. And sometimes, that flirting leads to love blossoming – sometimes expected sometimes not. Be good to one another – that should be everyone’s motto!
An extremely good article and well sought by you Nmod, this could be put into every chat site as a cautionary measure, tis so easy to be caught up in the moment by lotharios who have prowled chat sites looking for their game.,albeit only a few, most of the gentlemen on these sites are just that, gentlemen and a joke to be had is just that banter, however be aware that all of them are not,,be they small in number, why married men who have loving , fit, active wives should not join these chat sites if their purpose is to feel its quite ok to flirt with other woman, to give their egos a boost,it,s not,if their wives flirted online and used the excuse (EVERYONE KNOWS I AM AN OUTRAGEOUS FLIRT), their may be hell to pay in their marriage, some people and that is both sexes can be vulnerable and lonely , thats why they join chat sites for the great company and the friendships that entail,s however it can have disasterous effects if that vulnerable person becomes a victim of the flirtatious groomer, so this article is a timely read for most of those vulnerable people , woman as well as men,.
So thank you n mod for your article and your observence and publishing of it here in our blogs.xxxxx
sunsip you are so right but there are some people thats are so supid there is a person on here that groom my husband who think she is so smart they just cant leave things alone but we had a good laugh if you want a relationship leave married people alone get on with your life this person told my husband to get rid of me cause i was no good what i read of her shes the devil women so watch out you men married or not she doesnt give in
Personally all internet “relationships” are just penfriends/a relationship is real, seeing each other in good and bad moods/looking good for a nightout or looking rough first thing in the morning suffering a hangover. Not just revealing your best side behingd your keyboard.Thinking you have found “love” on line is not real, like children having “imaginary friends”.
Of course we can make friends on line,speak to people we would not have met in real life, but has for love, to be honest is like falling in love with your keyboard. I am sure i am going to have a lot of “inlove” people coming back to me on this, but I will just smile to myself and keep my logical opinion.
Sunsip. you have a fresh perspective. You are only have right. There are two humans operating the keyboards. If two blind people were in love would it be less a love because they can’t see.
The quality of the relationship depends on the deceit for deceit and dishonesty.In cyberspace there can be more honesty or less.
i see where u r coming from bloom/but blind people in a “real” relationship can touch/feel/and be together in person/livetogether sleep together and so on……………..different altogether .
Skype lets you into MUCH more than simple chat. You actually get to SEE whats happening in the life of the person you are communicating with. If they are willing to begin a relationship at a distance not much should be off limits to the camera. Their home, their whole life can be shown gradually. Closer is always better of course so you can visit as the next step. Online beginnings can work out pretty well if they’re done right, carefully and both parties are serious about knowing each other better in order to continue in the “real world”. Been there, (almost) done that, lol
i agree online realationships can work if they are ” started” online but eventually become “real”.
Well ,thank you to all of you who have read this post , and many thanks to those who took time to write replies to it ! …it’s interesting and informative to read all different points of view…all comments are welcome and valid …and of course a bit of controversy adds value to it as it promotes further discussion …
I think your “logic opinion ” sunsip it’s certainly logic and of great value to those who can draw a clear line between cyber life and real life …and most probably of great value to keep you safe from falling in love with your keyboard ! Lol
As others have pointed out ,these days you are not only talking to a screen …you know there’s a person on the other side ,technology has changed and now provides much more than words and a dated profile picture …with Skype or video calling your are closer to the real thing ,although not totally …I agree that no matter how good technology may be IT WILL NEVER BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE REAL THING ….
The mind it’s a powerful tool , and it can easily deceive us into believing what We Want to Believe
So , I’ve always asked myself …when we “fall in love ” with someone from cyber life …who do we fall in love with ? Is it the person we’ve been forming a friendship with …or is it “The Perfect Image that We Have Created in Our Mind ” ? In that case we will not be falling in love with a keyboard .
But with Ourselves ! Food for thought lol.
Nmod you should have written the article. You made more sense in your last reply than did David Greenfield. Sunsip you summed it up perfectly. Online relationships are just that, (virtual). Virtual reality and nothing more.