Blonde jokes!

How do you know a blonde has been at the computer
You see tippex on the screen
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Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed!
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Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t make ice cubes?
She forgot the recipe.
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One day a blonde boarded this Boeing 727 plane. When she got on the plane she saw how nice the first class section was and decided to sit there. The attendant came along and told the blonde she had to move to her regular seat. The blonde wouldn’t budge and would not co-operate. She stubbornly stated she is going to Australia and staying in her first class seat and that nothing would change her mind. The attendant not getting anywhere decided to go to her supervisor. When the attendant returned she saw that the blonde girl was sitting in the rear of the plane and looking very content. The attendant asked her supervisor how she got the blonde to move. The supervisor said, “Well this passenger didn’t seem too smart so I told her that the front of the plane is going to Russia, and that the rear of the Plane was going to Australia, so she moved quickly to the rear of the plane!
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A 12 story building was burning down and three of the last people in it were trapped on the roof top. One was a ‘know it all’, the second person was a bill collector, and the third a blonde. Well the fire department was on the concrete area below holding out a blanket like a trampoline yelling for them to jump one at a time. The ‘know it all’ jumped first. Before he reached the blanket the firemen moved out of the way, and the ‘know it all’ splatted on the side walk. Then the firemen yelled up for the next person to jump. “Jump! Jump!” they yelled up. The bill collector yelled down, “No way, you are just going to move out of the way” The firemen yelled back, “We just don’t like ‘know it all’s’, “that’s all!” So the bill collector said, OK, and he jumped. Before the bill collector reached the blanket, the firemen jumped out of the way and the bill collector splatted on the pavement. Then they yelled up to the blonde, “Jump! Jump!” The blonde yelled down, “No way, you are just going to move out of the way!” The firemen yelled back up, “We are sorry, but we don’t like bill collectors either, but we don’t mind pretty girls, so please jump.” Well the blonde yelled back down. “OK I will jump, but first lay the blanket on the ground and back away slowly, I just don’t trust you!”
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What is sillier than two stupid men that built a bridge in the middle of an arid sandy desert where it hasn’t rained for the past 40 years?
Two blondes trying to fish off of it!
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A blonde was stopped by the police for driving the wrong way on a one way street. The policeman nicely asked the blonde, “Where are you going?” She replied, “Well, I was considering turning around when I noticed everyone was leaving!”
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Q. Did you hear about the blonde that high-jacked a submarine?
A. She demanded £200,000 and a parachute!
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Q. Did you hear about the blonde that used the dishwasher.
A. It got clogged up with paper plates!
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Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!
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These two blonde girls were walking down the street when one of them saw a mirror on the ground. She picked it up and said, “look at this I know I have seen this person before??” So her dizzy friend said give it to me, let me see. So she looked in the mirror and said, “Of course you have seen this person before, why it’s me you were looking at!
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Q. How many blonde girls does it take to wash a car?
A. Two! One to hold the sponge and the other to drive the car back and forth!
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A group of blondes go to a restaurant and they are all shouting “51 days – 51 days – 51 days – 51 days” . Some more in the group come in shouting the same thing – “51 days – 51 days – 51 days – 51 days” After a while, the waiter comes over and asks what they are celebrating. 51 days??? One of the girls says “Look – we bought this puzzle and put it all together to make the picture in just 51 DAYS. On the side of the box it said 2-4 years
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A blonde went into a shoe shop in the Florida Keys and asked for some alligator boots. The shop keeper apologised but they didn’t have any. “Right,” she said, “I’ll just have to go and get my own alligator!”. The shop keeper wished her all the best, and didn’t think he’d see her alive again. Later, he shut up shop and was driving home when he saw the girl again with a gun and some dead alligators around her. As he was getting out of the car, he heard the gun go off again. “AAAGGGHHH!” she said angrily, “that one didn’t have any boots on either!”
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Did you hear about the blonde girl who took up parachuting?
On her first jump she missed the earth!
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Did you hear about the blonde who kept a coat hanger on the rear seat of her car?
In case she locked herself out!
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Did you hear about the blonde that fell out of an airplane without her parachute?
She drifted for miles!
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What do you call a blonde at uiversity?
The cleaner
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What do you call a blonde who has graduated from a university?
A qualified cleaner
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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“And then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“And then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
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Did you hear about the blonde who was fired from the Pizzeria?
She put all the pre-made pizza’s in the dishwasher. Thought they were dirty dishes!
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A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she spoke about her problem with a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “as long as I can sell the car.” “Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be problem to sell it anymore.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”
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What do you call three blondes in a row ?
A wind tunnel
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A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she’s going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to > borrow £5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest,which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?” The blonde replies… “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
A smart blonde joke at last!
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Two blomdes went to a cafe and got themselves a cup of tea, then started eating their sandwiches that they had brought with them……..the owner came up and said “Hey, you can’t eat your own food in here…..”
SO THEY SWAPPED THEIR SANDWICHES and ate each others ….
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Q. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A. One.
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Did you hear about the blonde at Pizza Hut who was asked if she wanted six slices or 12 slices of her pizza. She said “six slices please, I could never eat 12”

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Q. Did you hear about the blonde pilot?
A. She collided with the sky

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This particular blonde made it known that she didn’t like it when someone shouted in one of her ears. Said the echo always hurts her other ear!
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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head’s husband said to the other two men, “I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly just so she wouldn’t jump off.”
The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, “I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldnt jump off.”
They both looked at the husband of the blonde and he said:” Don’t look at me, my wife packed her own lunch!”

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A blonde was trying to start her car for four hours. While this was going on, she was talking to herself and cursing trying to get her car started. She tried all different kinds of things to see if something would work. Well a man approached her and asked, “Excuse me mam what are you doing? I have been watching you for several hours trying to figure out what you are trying to do.” The blonde replied, “I am trying to start my car so that I can go to Sears” What do you need, I’ll go there and get it for you.” The blonde replied, “well my battery died so I need to buy a new one!”
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Did you hear about the blonde weather forecaster. She looked out the window one day and it was raining so hard she couldn’t see what the forecast was going to be!
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One day this blonde business associate had to go on a business trip and stayed at this nice hotel. Well the first day of the business conference she didn’t show up for the meeting with a potential client. So her executive boss got very concerned and decided to call her room. She answered the phone sobbing. The executive very concerned asked her why she was crying and why she was not at the conference. So she replied, “I couldn’t get out of my room” Her executive boss asked her why she couldn’t get out. So fighting tears the blonde said, “There are three doors in my room and I can’t get out. One is the closet door, one is the bathroom door, and the third and last door has a sign on it that says, “Do not disturb!”” Wahhhhhh.

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Why does a blonde only get 30 mins for lunch ?
So she does not have to be re trained in the afternoon
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This blonde bought an AM radio and it took her 30 days to figure out that she could play it at night!
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Q. What did the blonde say when someone blew gently into her ear?
A. Thank you for the refill!
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Q. Why did the blonde navy girls want their new fleet of ships equiped with glass bottoms?
A. So they could see all their old ships while they were cruising the seas with their new ships!
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Q. Why did the blonde have all these small holes in her face?
A. It is because of all the times she missed her mouth when she used a fork!
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A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I’m sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes.”
Suddenly there’s another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they’ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they’ll be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we’ll be up here all day.”
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A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, “I’m NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!”
The guy doesn’t believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says “Okay, what’s the Capital of Montana?”
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, “That’s easy! It’s M!”
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A blonde spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said “concentrate”.
…she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.
…she told me to meet her
at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”.
…she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
…she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
…she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
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A blonde was making her first visit to a hospital where her teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor’s every move, she asked, “What’s that?”
The doctor explained, “This is an anaesthetic. After he gets this he won’t know a thing.”
“Save your time, Doc,” exclaimed the man. “He don’t know nothing now.”
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Two Blondes living in Kentucky were sitting on a bench talking and
one Blonde says to the other,
“Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the Moon?”
The other Blonde turns and says, “Hellooooooooo, Can you SEE
Florida?”

No offence to Blondes….Red heads..brunettes…salt & peppper? I still would have posted these corny jokes, which i have no doubt you have all read before….Just trying to make you all smile is all!. 🙂 🙂 🙂