Oh The Guilt !!
Hello Peeps……….I heard recently on the news its official, men are happier than women, how can this be?
Well apparently women torture themselves with guilt about everything………its ingrained in us that we should always be hustling and bustling around the home, probably doing stuff that doesn’t even need doing, we feel guilty if we sit to watch a TV programme, how very dare we……..our families won’t survive without wholesome home cooked food, all prepared and cooked by out own well worn weary hands, do they even notice………fresh bread mixed and kneaded, have to fill the kitchen with comforting smells, homemade cakes and pies, that’s our role, we are a lesser wife and mother if we don’t feel worn out and weary at the end of the day when we slump into bed…….well ladies thank goodness those days have passed, or have they ?……..my daughter even today will ask me to bake childhood favourites, Treacle and Walnut Loaf, and if I am in a baking mood I will, so I did make good memories for her along the way………. so to the men……..well it seems they can sit and watch the footie, films, Snooker, Darts without feeling a shred of guilt……..could this be because they were out at work all week and feel they have earned their leisure time……….I also was out at work all week, and it continued all weekend too………..some days I wish I was wired up like a man, my brain, and many other women’s brain malfunctioned somewhere along the line…………there is always the exception I am sure, and I know in the modern day families chores are shared……….but back in my day, and my mothers day, was the wife’s duty to be the homemaker……..
Guilt, is good, without it work would not be done. We need to be thankful we have guilt to guide and push us in the right direction. We don’t know how much guilt men feel. We don’t know how much guilt lazy and neglectful people feel, so the trick is to value your guilt and obey it. That being said we need to make the best choices about what we expect of ourselves and what will make us happy and make the people around us happy.
I really liked to cook and bake and did not consider it work. I did laundry and cleaned because I like things orderly and clean but I let dust pile up if I had more urgent things to do. I got no diseases from dust mites either and did not feel a bit of guilt. I went to school full time and worked full time and I had to make choices about my time.
Nourish and appreciate guilt, it is not a bad thing, but make good choices for yourself.
Well I don’t feel guilt much as I’m almost perfect like most of us men, Sometimes feel a little bit bad when I fart in bed (Wife Hates That) or if the dogs found my toe nails on the floor by the bed and starts to eat them, then licks the wife. (Good Calcium) or when I get told off for not cleaning the bath after me but for goodness sake chill out babes, I got the butter out the other day so I’m definitely putting more effort in these days. xx
Tommy, thank you for this reasoned response. lol
And as for your response to Tommy Lone………the male of the species always back each other………..never expected any other…….would be greatly surprised if you men know what guilt feels like……… do you even know its an emotion ??….lol…
I believe there has been a time or two. The times I forgot to lower the seat when I as done. (BG)
never thought i would laugh at toilet seat jokes , but then again , it was funny… lol
Yes Tommy your certainly pulling your weight in the kitchen, 250 grs of Butter is no mean feat to lift, I commend you……you shouldn’t feel bad at passing wind, its normal, you must feel guilty for all of a Nano second……the dog licking the wife, she is just being petty complaining about that…errrrr…….can never have enough calcium, doesn’t she know that………..but you have confirmed the recent survey……..we should just chill out as you men do…….that’s why your happier………continue doing what you do dear, just ignore me………said no women ever…….lol….
Today we mourn the passing of Tommy H. Beaten to death by almost all the women on this site, lol
Haaaa…..ya better believe it Way…….. I reckon we outnumber the men, and pretty much all in the same mind………lol.
TommyH. You sound a bit uncivilized.
Starlette, thank you for this blog.
Hi Rose…….ahhhh but does the guilt make us happy…….seems the men are happier than us and they don’t suffer the guilt…….they can watch the footie or whatever without the guilt feelings nagging at them…..
Oh Tommy you are the model husband……That’s all!!!
…*miles of smiles*…missyu
Some people are soooo easily pleased……..don’t encourage him missyu in his misdemeanours………lol…
Starlette, I don’t know if men are happier than women. We live longer than they do.
We live longer Rose because we murder them…lol
but it was justifiable. LOL
Definitely……..hee hee….
.
Reminds me of the Cell Block Tango from the Play or Movie Chicago….
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all a long
I didn’t do it
But if I’d done it
How could you tell me
That I was wrong?
Well LoneRogue………..at least you have experienced some guilt…….but about a toilet seat………….Really !!!…………keep working on it……
One must remember men are living with a disadvantage. they have a slight mental glitch, no patch for it yet…lol… until then we suffer, but hopefully not in silence….(big smile)
Since when has a women suffered in silence…lol……….agreed there are some crossed wires that have yet to be straightened out………but we will not be defeated in our quest to unravel them……….how long have we got……..Phewwww……
I have been in bed now for nearly 3 days with flu, but reading this has put a great big smile back on my face,,,,,wel done and MERRY CHRISTMAS
Get well soon justme……… a smile and a laugh is the biggest tonic in the world……..and a very Merry Christmas to you too….xx
Well iv just picked myself up off the floor Ladies & men. Love your comments !. Merry Christmas xxxxxxxxxxx
So glad you survived the onslaught Tommy…….was it a feather duster that knocked you down……..Nah….lol….Merry Christmas to you too…….xx
Sorry Star, Im very sorry but the only one I can blame for her’s or his feeling of
carrying any kind of blame will always be and stay the MUM in law!
Please reember the film; Saturday night fever where the lyrics goes; She’s the one
I want ( *** for you *** ).
The son has just fulfilled his mother’s dream and deepest wish. xxxM
So Michael you blame the mothers in how they raised their sons………Hmmm and I think you could be right……..we have a lot to answer for as role models, men’s jobs……..women’s jobs……its just a bugga that women’s job’s are 24/7 ….the balance is tipped in the mans favour……lol….xxx
Yes Star,
mothers are mostly role models for the kids. There goes a quite funny version of what
a son sometimes sometimes exspect and gets;
** Him= I always wanted a wife that cpuld cook like her mother and I got a women
who drinks like her father! Poos boy would you call that an example for bad luck? xxxM
Bad luck indeed…lol….xxx
haha have enjoyed reading this blog Star and the comments, very good
TY ma….the comments are as important as the blog………the whole package……
Starlette, I realize most of what is said on your great subject is lighthearted and for fun, however a wife’s dedication and help along the way is like money in the bank so to speak. We men do some things around the house but do relax and let ourselves be taken care of, OFTEN. In my case I was aware all our early married life that my wife held our family together, when I was away and when I was home. I had my accepted duties of outside and shop work but was always aware it was not equal as to hours or drudgery. I got a chance to pay back for all my sweet wife did all those years. I was her only care giver during long years of decline with dementia. Which brings me to confessing another part of your post here. I felt enormous guilt when I put her in memory care. Everybody said it was the right thing to do and the right time, BUT, that guilt remains.
Money in the bank is a good thing to have.
Hi Lone, yes of course its all said tongue in cheek and in fun, no one can take away the feelings of guilt where illness and death is concerned, even when we know full well we did all we could the guilt lingers………my dad had to go into care also, so myself and many others can relate to that kind of guilt…..
I know how you feel there Lone, I looked after my Mum for years and felt so terrible when I had to place her in care. Felt so guilty, even though deep down I knew it was best for her. I did not have a choice at the time, I had a son who was very ill..
I think the roles have changed tremendously since we were growing up ‘way back when.” It seemed to me that the roles changed after Gloria Steinham and Betty Friedan published their thoughts about stay-at-home moms. Their views drove women to finds jobs outside their homes no longer feeling their lives just as mom and wife mattered. I watched it happen being the ripe old age that I am. I didn’t join the throws of women feeling shame. I enjoyed my role at home taking care of them and went back to reading Erma Bombeck and laughed my cares away.
Also “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” …..WE WERE MADE DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER! Guilt is just another part of life. Never met anyone that never hasn’t had any. I grew up going to Catholic schools, they were the masters of guilt….now that’s real pure guilt!
Hi Rose, I went out to work but not because I was shamed into it, I needed outside stimulation…….. I still did the baking on Sundays, again because I enjoy baking…………but I do have to say I still did all of the household chores as well as working full time…….way back husbands jobs were mainly outside chores, but they are seasonal anyway……..things have certainly changed these days….
Hello Lo………I love that song………Mama Morton with the feather Boa…….lol…brill..
I once heard or read cannot remember which ………Women will know they have achieved equality when, they can walk down the street, in yesterday’s clothes, lank hair, belly hanging over their waistband , thinking , look at all those guys giving me the eye, I’m looking good……. Women I’m afraid beat themselves up, they don’t need any help LOL! It is also true that women are quick to be critical of other women I’m sorry to say. However it is possibly the one plus for aging…….I’m getting there, I don’t give a monkey’s!!!!!!! If you don’t like me or the look of me, too bad that is your problem. Well up to a certain point LOL! I’m not totally anti social yet.
Is guilt ever good? I ‘m not sure, guilt is self doubt? regret? and awareness that we are lacking some how. We should always question our actions, motivations honestly this is true. But it is all about balance and we should be as forgiving to ourselves as we are to others hopefully. Nothing and no one are perfect. This is good because as an artistic sort of person, I know beauty is in the harmonics of life, the little imperfections.
Hi Rock…..maybe just me but the feelings of guilt isn’t good………ok it could make me change my actions towards others if they had caused me guilt feelings in the past………but by and large I do not want to feel guilty about not doing petty little things…..actually personally I am past that now……if I want to watch a programme or read a book/magazine I will do so……..sod the ironing that needs doing…..in my days of working full time it had to be done on my days off, along with another hundred jobs….but now days I am not ruled by the clock or any feelings of guilt…….. I have joined the men’s camp….lol
Ahh yes, Little Imperfections. read about them xx.
Haaaaa yes Tommy………little imperfections…….a phobia of glitter…….could be worse…..lol…..
Starlette,
I’ve given this a little thought before replying. For one thing I think females worry about how others think of them, men aren’t so bothered. On the looks from we have a more take us or leave us attitude. I for example will never win any handsome man competitions but I am happy with the things about me I think are strengths and hope that if people are interested in me they will find them out if not its their loss. Happiness is a state of mind, worry and guilt are prohibiting factors. On the personal note I think men are better at concentrating on their own positives and not dwelling on any negatives. Women tend to worry about their negatives and in my opinion are far more likely to have low self esteem than men. (I do understand this is likely to be because of what they have been told by men in their life and not their own fault)
My advice is forget the guilt, do what you want to do at least for a big part of the day.Rejoice in your talents, assets and what others see in you. Smile more (if nothing else it worries others) and just work at being happy, I know I will.
Nice Blog Starlette
Hi Walker…….as much as I hate to admit a man is right…Grrrrr you absolutely are, we are far to tough on ourselves……and yes we do worry how we look, however, if we are feeling ok about our appearance that in turn gives us confidence, so maybe no bad thing…………if only we could concentrate on the task in question, but no, we have to have half a dozen other things scurrying around in our brain, we focus on the negative instead of giving ourselves a huge pat on the back, we really should because it takes a super human effort to turn into SUPERWOMEN……..and with a whoosh of my magic cape I zoom of around the house ensuring every surface is spotlessly clean, all the cushions plumped, the windows and mirrors sparkling, bread and cakes nicely baking in the oven, all to make it a comfy home for the man of the house…….. I am so humble….lol…….
when I was at school in the 1950’s boys had the guilt forced on them ” whatever your education you will have to work all your life to keep your wife and family ” the teachers ( all MEN ) implied ” you can’t expect a woman to work or think – it’s beyond the tiny brain of a woman ” . I later found the ” hidden ” information that during 2 world wars virtually every ” mans job ” had been successfully done by women .
when we got married in 1970 we both worked – my wife had the guilt drilled into her ” women have to cook “- I like cooking and my wife is not bothered by cleaning so that is how we have lived successfully for 47 years .
Hello Geoff, our upbringing certainly has a lot to answer for………..thank goodness we learn to rationalise and figure things out for ourselves………..I find more and more men in recent years have developed their culinary skills. could be because of all the male chefs we now see on TV……..come to think of it I would say they out number the women cooks on tv……..well you seem to have got the balance right in your household……..well done on your long marriage…..
To join the conversation late…
During an informal Christmas dinner at my sister’s house, I became jammed in the young people’s table. My niece and I cracked up everyone by exchanging stories of Catholic guilt.
My conclusion is this: Guilt isn’t going to stop me from being naughty and having fun.
Hello Mrs K……….warnings of damnation and fire….did it ever really scare anyone from being norty……….a few Hail Marys and all would be fine anyway, did guilt feelings ever come into to it……..I doubt it….lol….
Hey Star. Oh, i’m the queen of feeling guilty. lol Ask anyone in my family. I suffer agonies, then sigh, and resign myself to the inevitable – I’m going to behave badly anyway. . .and still feel guilty.
Then Mrs K you do know what you do……..so on your head be the consequences…..just enjoy the naughtiness and feel guilty after……..till the next norty episode….lol….