Yorkshire Folk: Jokes.

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10p.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, ‘Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?’

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, ‘That’ll be 10p each, please.’

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, ‘That’s 40p, please.’ They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, ‘How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?’

‘I’m a retired tailor,’ the bartender says, ‘and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer-it’s all the same.’

‘Wow! That’s some story!’ one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, ‘What’s with them?’

The bartender says, ‘They’re retired people from Yorkshire. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.’

Another funny From Yorkshire, England

1.Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat.
Vet: Is it a tom?
Yorkshireman: Nay, I’ve browt it with us.
2.A Yorkshireman’s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?
Jeweller: Do you want it 18 carat?
Yorkshireman: No I want it chewin’ a bone yer daft beggar.

3.A Yorkshireman’s wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words “she were thine” engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it’s been engraved “she were thin”.
He explodes, ‘Blimey man, you’ve left the “e” out.’

The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason, ‘There you go sir, I’ve put the “e” on the stone for you.’
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud, ‘E, she were thin.’ …:) 🙂 🙂