Women Cougars, Men Cougars…..
Was talking to a female acquaintance of mine recently who is her early 50s, she has a bit of a dilemma, a young man, a considerable number of years younger than her has shown a interest and asked her out, he knows her age and it does not bother him, she has a son a similar age who does not know the young man in question.This women is not stupid and would never ever be conned into handing money over, the young man just finds her attractive and good company…..the feeling is mutual…..what does she do…. Now for the men with the younger girl, is this seen as anymore acceptable……..
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I think the older man with a younger companion is socially more acceptable.
However this is not a position I agree with. If two people are attracted to each other and it’s genuine attraction rather than some financial ploy, then I say good luck to them.
After all, age is only a number.
I also think the older man younger women seems to be more acceptable…….not sure why, I wonder if it is something to do with the women being seen as a mother figure and that is her role in life…….and would it be women or men that would be most unaccepting of it…….
Star, great blog. First, I agree with you, a man gets held in higher esteem, gets noticed with a younger lady on his arm — a trophy if you will.
Accepted by both men and women….I think.
If the woman is with a younger man? The fact there is a name for them (cougars), says a lot.
Think women would be more accepting, willing to think it is an honest and loving relationship.
I actually googled the definition of the word Cougar, says a women or a man, ( apparently he is called this name too)..tells me it is a women who actively seeks out younger men for whatever……my friend hasn’t done that, just fell in her lap…….how lucky is she…..lol….
Gee I don’t see that it’s anyone else’s business ,if they want to try it go for it .
Nothing to lose, maybe a lot to gain….
Is her main concern about what other people will think, and how her son will take it? That is what I’m getting from what you said.
I agree with Way and Mac, both are adults and if they want to go on a date and see how it goes….they should! But, I also see her dilemma of worrying about how it appears to others. Some people are more sensitive about such things. It might cause her enough stress to not be worth it to her.
A lot of factors could go into it I suppose.
I guess the bottom line is how she herself perceives the situation………and if it were to develop further would she be up to the controversy that may follow…
This is an interesting topic. It may be just me, but I find it disturbing when that happens, whichever way ~ young woman-older man or young man-older woman. I was “hit on” by a 28 year old man over a long period of time who worked at the restaurant next to my store, and while I found it amusing and a fun story to tell, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had “mommy” issues. I personally could not take someone seriously who was the same age as my son (even if I wasn’t married, lol) and told him that if I was old enough to be his mom then I might as well be. I can certainly see the attraction, and I am not saying it’s wrong… this is entirely my own opinion. Everyone is different and it may work for some… Good blog 🙂
Millie, I was kind of in a similar situation, but didn’t realise till many years later, thank goodness,……..I was widowed and a friend of my sons used to call for him, my son would invariably still be in bed, so I would say come in Michael, and I will give my son a shout, Michael would say, no leave him its ok I’m not in a hurry, nothing spoiling, and we would chat about all manner of things, nothing sexual I hasten to add, Michael would offer to take any unwanted stuff to the tip for me, gardening jobs, if I had an appointment in Town he would say I will take you if you want me to ……..anyway, many years later we crossed paths again in a club where a Bee Gees tribute band was playing, we got chatting and he told me he had really fancied me when he was a youth, he couldn’t believe it when I said I honestly had no idea, just said I spoke to him and treated him as an adult, he was after all 18………but a fling with my sons friend………..that would never have happened………but like some of the other comments, I did say to my friend, go for it, don’t live in regrets……
Society seems to accept an older man with a younger woman, but not an older woman with a younger man ,i,m speaking for my part of our Country, I,m now speaking from a personal viewpoint which I find perfectly fine either way, as long as the couples are happy, truthfull, and genuinely care for each other , what business is it of anyone else’s?
Society in my Town is very judgmental,as most country towns are , and many have not moved with the time s.
I wish them every happiness if it continues…
One of my dear friends many years ago married a man 14 yrs younger they were married for 23 years and when she was getting older and he was still a young man and he left her for a young Philopena Lady and divorced my friend so one has to look forward if the relationship continues… this may not happen in every case , but it,s good to look at the big picture….
Thank you Starlette for a very provocative post. I personally would not and will not consider dating a much younger man. Now to your friend, Naturally she could just have a fling, but most women want real caring with their flings and If she wants a future ; there probably isn’t one. Men can father children at 50, but a woman probably cannot and, face it, ,most men young or old are thinking about sex, but later most get around to family and children.
Well Star you call it a cougar symptom but in medical this indication are known as the carry-on effect. Clearly translated she may has to face a libido fixated overdrive?
Nothing to worry about caus that carry-on effect hits man and women equally. XXXM
Hits the men first Michael……lol xxx
But the second mouse gets the cheese…….xxxM
Like Way, along with many others have stated, if there’s genuine love and affection there, and it’s by no way for financial gain from either side, then why the hell not. Love, is love, irrespective of age. You can just as easily have 2 people of similar age get married, and that marriage can only last weeks, sometimes days. To me, when you meet that ‘someone’, and there’s that instant click, you both know, no matter of age, colour, sex, or whatever. You’re only on this planet once, so let them be happy together. If you take the plunge, and you’re happy, your life is made, if you let it pass you by, you may well regret the missed opportunity for the rest of your days.
Well said Postie.
Very thought provoking blog, Star! Why? Cos I’m in this kinda predicament at the moment – lol! We still friends (for now), however he has uncategorically told me what he wants – a relationship! eeeks! lol! Trying to wrap it around my head! Thoroughly flattered though! Age difference is 21 years!!!! Gee wiz…..could have given birth to this dude!
Work in progress for now – keep watching this space! I’m expecting the unexpected – lol. Really enjoy his company.
Ok….lemme shut up – am talking in riddles – LOL. 🙂
Good luck to you Cappy, hope it all works out well for you, whichever way you decide to jump.
A step like this is quite normal for a man but still a sensation for a women.
Are we really living in the year 2014?
Short, sweet, and very much to the point Michael. Exactly !!
not fair at all vonMichael!!!!! The older woman will [usually] be judged like crazy whereas with men, it is no biggie {sigh!} – in fact, he is appplauded! ggrrrr!!!!
Cappy, go ahead and do what you really want to do. People whoreally are your friend will be happy for you and people who are not your friend,have no say. Someone has to be the one that is willing to be different before things are different. Go for it.
vonMichael. Tell me more about that carry on-effect. I like the word, but does it mean, sex drive, or a need to have flings?
Well Rose thanks for your question. The carry-on effect means or describes the libido-drive of a person and is designed to mean both; sex drive and/or the need of flings.
The carry-on effect is not to be confounded with sex madness at all… xM
Thank you michael. Some things are fuzzy in translation.
Cappy I’m thrilled for you…….have been having this debate in private with someone this morning…….still a mans world in some respects……..women would be called some unsavoury names by many…….a man…….pat on the back…….good on ya mate……….some one tell me I’m wrong………
nope – you not wrong! very true! Other older men will even ask the lucky one how he did it! Sugar Daddies for you – but that’s another story. I still have to deal with being called “Sugar Mama”!!!! ROFL!!! 😀
Cappy, older women and younger men ARE sexually compatible, more so than older men who lose their capacity. Maybe the younger generation of men see women differently. They do. Let him pay his own way to be sure that it is not about money. Men, don’t seem to care, or just have big egos in the case of younger women, and I am not implying that all men are like this.
Just what i said earlier Rose, men still have to have their bits in working order…….for women, well no need to say……..and if newspaper reports are to be believed, the younger man appears to be definitely more attracted to the mature women……….could this be because they are sick of seeing the behaviour of the silly drunken girls these days, and no I am not saying all the young are like this, but it seems to be a free for all anything goes generation……..
The difference seems to be seen in the age of a women. The young ones of our days take what they can get and have fun. The older ones get what they can take and have fun two.
Both have two substantial conclusions; fun and a take of flack.
I kinda work to a general rule of thumb. half the oldest persons age and add seven. If the younger person is older than that then its cool.
I calculated i could date women from 32 to 88 lol
gosh i,ve slipped up along the way if that’s the formula ha ha ha chomper
.xx
lol lol maths never was my forte……x
I wouldn’t go out with a guy much younger than I ..simply because I prefer men of about my own age or older . When it comes to relationships I want and expect more from it ,than just sex .
I believe in intimacy … a total connexion with a partner/ lover…a togetherness of body and soul …if we can achieve this in a relationship ,then sex will always be beautiful ,regardless of “capacity ,or working bits !”
All comes down to a personal preference at the end of the day, and I don’t necessarily think it would be all about sex with a younger person either, after all many are educated, have good brains and enjoy debates and discussions, total connection maybe a bit of a big ask ,would be quite difficult to find someone who totally agrees with all your opinions and ways of thinking, its good to have separate hobbies and interests would be very boring if you were joined at the hip, no need to be if the trust is there…….capacity and working bits…lol of course these are not top priority, needs a lot more than these in a relationship………….but I will say…….sex may not make a relationship……….but it can break one………..
That may explain why I’m still single 🙂 🙂
Far better to be single than In a unhappy relationship……….lots would swop with you………..x
Attraction to another regardless of age is just that, attraction , for it to become more deep and meaningful , two people need that click in the first place , , a buzz when their relationship goes deeper,wanting to be with each other to the exclusion of other bed fellows, communication, love and respect , being able to say your sorry, accepting the apologies when offered, don,t see where age comes into that picture….. mutual love and respect is the key in my opinion …
Your right of course Lani,, age is irrelevant……..if your in love and want to be together then any hic cups along the way can be overcome…
I think relationships across age barriers are fully ok, and often work. My concern is the spinoff effect on children, even in-laws (how would you like your new son-inlaw to be 3 years your junior?) My mother married a 14 year younger man. They lived a happy life – he never stopped being a thorn in my side until he died.
I have close friends who are making a twenty year diferential work really well, their 40 /60 birthdays turned out to be something like an english Woodstock!!!
It’s like everything – be up- front, and genuinely honest – most stuff works, and why keep on harping on sex some of u previous posters? – sure its fun! – but people do have lives without it?
Thanks for the reply Dave, but do you think the step dad being a thorn in your side was anything to do with the age difference……..or maybe as happens sometimes, it’s just jealousy and reminders of previous relationships…….buts that a whole new ball game….
cappy123, just wanted to wish you all the best in whatever happens.
Star, this has sure raised some thoughts, great blog. My thoughts are if your both happy and in it for the right reasons….go for it… Even other relationships don’t work so there is no guarantee for anything in life. We can only give it our 100% and hope for the best.
I’ve really enjoyed reading all the comments.
thanks Debbie….work in progress….very friendly chap, I daresay……pressing/pushing the right buttons too – lol. Let’s see….. 🙂
Oh I bet he is……lol………jealous muchly……..x
Always interesting to get the perceptions and opinions of others Debs….xx
mmmmmmmmmm I have enjoyed reading your blogs……..I am keeping ……my thoughts to myself……apart from….go for it…lol…………good conversation though,,,,,,,,,,!!!!!!!!!!
just dont boast about it..after…….lol……
LOL! 🙂
Seems to be the majority saying go for it cappy…………am I jealous……..you bet I am……….lucky bugger you…….lol xx
😉
old young, big small, who the hell really cares, just one life so live it, damn now l,v lost the plot lol lol
Well you certainly have the right attitude John……….at the end of the day what does it really matter, as long as you can love and laugh together…….you have the plot spot on……xxxx
I know a woman who had a relationship with someone, in fact I think they married, that was 20 years younger than herself. It was great for 20 years. Then she started to have some arthritis and other health issues. Then he decided he wanted a child and she was beyond child bearing years. She was heartbroken but she understood, even though he previously told her he had no desire to have a child. The relationship ended although they remained friends until she died. So it’s up to the two people involved in the relationship. It may work and it may not.