When to call time on a ” love ” relationship……
I recently read an article on women who have been married or had multiple relationships, not because they had been in abusive relatinships, the women had become bored with their hubby’s/partners and were hooked on the feelings that one experiences within a new relationship……..the feeling of euphoria,never wanting to be apart,the need to always have physical contact….. Ahhhh ” The Honeymoon Period ” as it were…….so I ask, when the love has gone,and it has been replaced with boredom and familiarity, do we stick it out, or pull the plug and venture into the unknown, risking the chances of spending the rest of our days without a special someone…….. or maybe the possibility of finding a new exciting love………over to you chatters…
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Starlette, I am sure there are women who just become bored and I don’t relate to this nor do I know anyone who has been in a relationship like this. Most women leave for good and valid reasons. I do think that women in many western cultures have a very unrealistic view of marriage and expect prince charming or expect a man to change and that usually does not happen.
I believe in making commitments and trying to keep them. Starting life over is unproductive and many people get uprooted in a relationship, children, family and friends, so I think most women take relationships is very seriously.
Hello Rose, some of these women had followed this pattern from being young,………others were women whose children had flown the nest,they now wanted more from a relationship……. and I suppose the same can be said of men,although statistics tell us that women are far more likely to leave than the men..
Starlette. women who “fall in love” are more likely to leave than men is what I think you are saying and not that women leave marriages more often than men.
Things are changing rapidly and different countries are changing differently.
What country was used in your study?
Rose I cannot speak for other countries,but its a fact here in the UK that divorce has increased big time in the over fifties, and not always because of affairs and people moving on to somone new,women today are more independent and confident,they are not willing to spend the rest of their days in a relationship that has turned sour,in days gone by the man was the breadwinner and the women didn’t have the options they have today,they hung in there and got on with it………..some would say that was no bad thing,others would disagree….
I can only comment on personal experiences and those of men I know Star…. I,v had two women leave….One ,yes we were totally unsuited and fed up with trying,so it was a matter of who blinked first..the other looked around and saw an opportunity to get a house,a car and the contents of a joint bank account.
I was not alone…This was a wealthy area,with many of us away from home for weeks at a time making big bucks while the boom lasted…The odd thing was..it always seemed to happen to the other chap…never thought it would happen to me. Of course there are stupid men who leave their loving women for a fantasy,some never seem to learn ….Yet as I walk around town.I see elderly couples walking hand in hand…Arm in arm,so I guess some of us get it right,eventually. 🙂
Sorry to hear that Cappuccino it must have been a hard experience , but one cannott feel that all women are like that, or all men are like a dissapointment.. life goes on and we are moulded by our experiences in our lives, but the one thing that is paramount in my mind and experience is trust…
One thing i would like to pass onto Men, if I maybe so bold?
A woman needs to be spoilt , she needs tobe told on a daily basis and shown that she is loved and cared for , each day if you say small things like (how can i make your day brighter?) a single flower brought in from the garden . a touch when you pass her by in the room… NOT whats for breakfast or dinner hun? like she was the local Restraunter…it makes her feellike she is your cook …..
And for the women out there,same thing ,(how was your day hun?) NOT, i had a hard day, dont forget to wipe your feet i scrubbed that today…. but hello sweetheart how was your day? give him time to sit and relax after a days work and offer him a drink or a kiss …..
I feel validated when these things are said and done.and I feel so will your partner..
I have counselled many a broken relationship as a counsellor and the one thing i used to hearover and over again ,was (I am not apreciated)…..
So apreciate what you have while you have it life is so short……xxxx
Hello Caps,yes my point exactly,you must have thought you were in love at the time you married, but then realised with time when the rose tinted specs came off that you were not suited after all,now you could have both hung in there clutching at straws and been unhappy, or took the path you did and eventually found happiness………yes its nice to see couples out there who stood the test of time and made it,and I guess they would tell you it had been damned hard work but they never once could see themselves spending their life with anyone else…..there are many cases of couples divorcing and remarrying,…….maybe they had found their soul mate in the first place….
IIN commited relationship , if it is true love it can last forever,it takes consideration,thoughtfulness,sincerity,and making that special person feel like their special,not for a day or a week or a month but forever, like a forever house…
One does maintenence,painting updating,pretty flowers at the door, so does a healthy loving relationship,it’snot hard work as I have heard it said, but as easy as putting someone before oneself, sure their will be harsh words from time to time ,but forgiveness is paramount ,sad to say some don’t know how to forgive and resentment steps in, but a willingness to discuss , comunicate and clear the air , is paramount to a healthy relationship…
It’s not as I see it ,as boredom,romance can be reignighted if one takes the trouble to do so again, it means putting the self aside …. sometimes it’s over and one has to realise that, and go forward with their lives..sometimes a mismatch,sometimes a wandering eye, sometimes a man wants to try something different … but when he does he usually finds it was all the same , and has ruined all he had for a whisp of change ..
What women have to be wary of , is the man who is married and promises you the world if you go away with him,but always keep in your mind ,if he cheated with you he will cheat on you , and the same goes for cheating women… they are restelss souls who are always looking for a rainbow , but they never find it becasue of their mecurial nature,they never stay long enough to see the rainbow in the sky when it was there all the time ….. it’s not , as I see it , men verses woman in the wandering stakes but people who are trying to find something missing in their lives they are trying to capture , and if you asked them what it is , they cannott find the answer…… my view only …..
Hi Lani,it can be very hard to keep putting others before yourself if there is no return,you would very quickly end up feeling like a doormat,no one wants or has any respect for a doormat,communication is key yes I agree,but not everyone finds themselves able to talk openly to each other, and no disrespect whatsoever to men but I am sure many would tell you they are not the best at opening up to their partners……to other women maybe sad to say….
Yes , as I said Star it has to go both ways or nothing can be achieved…
Some men do not like worrying their wife/partner or family, as you say,however if the relationship is close enough there is very little that cannott be shared, and not all of those quiet types turn to another woman for solace….
A marriage truly begins at end of the honeymoon period. It takes work, commitment and time. ahhh spoken from a divorcee after 31 yrs of marriage. We were both responsible for the demise of our marriage. It was hard for me to admit that.
Respect and communication are what js needed to keep a marriage going.
Those that marry and divorce a few years later are not and most likely will not be able to make the commitment. No one said it would be easy.
Of course I learned all of this after the fact.
Hello Sweets,we can always be wise after the event,isn’t that just the way………but as long as we learn lessons from it and do not stubbornly continue to deny that none of it was our fault……oh that we were so perfect.. Lol…
It would be nice if all that wisdom had have been in the marriage why is it as one gets older and wiser and from a distance , most see the big picture? I guess it’s just the way it is ,,, i dont mean you personally candy but in that similar situation as many find themselves in …..
Boredom and familiarity are not valid reasons to end a relationship ,in my opinion . Specially familiarity …I love the feeling of familiarity in a long term relationship .
When we have young kids and worry about school fees ,mortgage , bills and all the rest ,it can affect our relationships in a negative way.
Relationships are like gardens ,if you neglect them ,weeds take over and will eventually kill the plants .
As for boredom … Well … Have fun spicing things up !
On the other hand , if a relationship is untenable , cut your loses and move on ! It would be better off to end up alone than in an unhappy partnership .
Hi nmod,a relationship has many stages,in the younger years other things take precedent, children,lack of money,time,children leave home and that can often leave a gap,many couples now find themselves with nothing much to talk about, but it can also be a time of renewal……. I love the current idea of couples having date nights every week or so,can certainly keep things spiced up…hehe
A lot of wisdom has been spoken here but the one thing that is best to bear in mind is what Csweets said and that is we need to realize what WE did or are doing that makes the relationship worse. Then maybe we could make it better. In any relationship, if we change ourself, we change the relationship.
Some people are unsuited, but most long-term marriages of people close to me, the people were unsuited, but stayed together anyway.
Rose, may I ask if the couples you know who were unsuited but stayed together anyway…….did they manage to change themselves and become happy together,or did they stay together because it was easier,for family and financial reasons…….hope you are going to tell me its because of the former……..I love a happy ending..
Starlette. We are talking about at least 4 people in my family and I don’t think any of them were happy but they got children raised and one may be an alcoholic, one is much poorer than she should have been, and I think all four may be angry and bitter. Would they have been happier alone? Who knows? I don’t know their intimate details, but from what I would conclude the nights were as unromantic as the days.
Many women of our generation live lives with little or no romance day or night.
Wise words Bloom ….
Lani, meant wise words in my above comment about seeing our own faults and changing ourself. If nothing else, we are choosing wrong.
Hello friends,
I’m not at home, I’m spending a few days on my own on an island named Sylt. It’s a very expensive island and I’m not saying this cos I have a lot of money but I see a lot of money.
And I see a lot of greyhounds arm in arm with young ( younger ) woman riding sport cars like Maserati, Jag, Rolls, Porsche eg. Even if I could ( means if I was in that financial position ) I would never ever dream of spending days and nights with a woman who could be my granddaughter. A step like this would not satisfy my ego.
What can those people talk about. Him about the past he has lived in, she about her future of which she doesn’t know what comes up? Idiotic, that reminds me of the American dentist who recently shot the lion in Africa. What for did he do this? Just to satisfy his ego. No with people I wouldn not share a drink or waste my time on.
But sorry friends that’s just me, I know my borderlines which I will never cross.
Hello Michael,do enjoy your break……..cannot help but wonder if theses young fillies are with the Greyhounds because they can splash the cash……..ermm let me think……lol xxx
Yes I do Star cos I need the freh air coming in from the sea. Youn want be able to think so far Star. In case I’m lucky I’ll take some shots from the back of them.
No that’s not my world, sorry, in no way. I wouldn’t like to swap with the greyhounds. xxxM
By the way Star there were a few songs in my music box just for you. I mean they will reach your feelings. xxxM
I got married at thirty to a woman 22 years older than myself..People said it would not last because of age difference and i was only after her money . Here children gave us hard time and I lost touch with my family due to us getting married .
I am the man I am today due to her influence and love and she said I was the best of her three husbands with a wicked smile .God we had some fun and laughter .Not always easey for both of us but we grew to repect love and trust each other above all else .Also we felt safe in each other company and knew we could count on each other .
You build this mural respect and strength why would you start again .
Was lucky till life left my love . Dare say that’s why it never worked with my second marriage .Could not feel the same for another person .
When it works if works when it does not the pain an questions seem to last forever.
Sad to give up on a relationship for every one involved there are no winners .
Shan that’s really good to read,especially with the age difference involved,we always say age is but a number and is irrelevant, but in your case it really was………you had a really special deep love and respect for each other,a true love story indeed,I can see how it would be so very hard to ever find such a love again….
Impressed when I read, ‘Remember 50% of any relationship is you’
Hi Charles,yes indeed it is…….as the saying goes, what you put in you get out……..let’s hope so…
Starlette, this is a very interesting subject and I keep thinking. Another thing to remember in deciding to end a relationship is that there are TWO people involved. Will you be happier and will the other person be damaged? Before ending a relationship a moral person needs to consider both. If we are asking the question then we may feel that we are concerned about the other person also.
Hello Rose,its a big dilema to end a relationship when you still care for the other person but are no longer in love with them………its all very well to say we can still be friends, but very hard to do when one still has deeper feelings left than the other…….OK, so do we stay in a relationship so as not to hurt our partner but we ourselves are not content,or do we end it……..also is it possible to remain friends after a breakup…
Starlette, you may need to do another blog on these further questions. Only you can answer about hurting another person. You may need to di the breaking up gently. Remaining friends is not usually possible.
I think ,it is possible to remain friends after a break up ,if things are done in a civilized way . It may take a while , there’ll be a normal process of grieving and then acceptance of the new situation for the couple to be able to move on and enter a new phase on their friendship .
The most important thing is,in my opinion ,to be honest ,caring ,and thoughtful of each other’s feelings when deciding to end a relationship . No blaming , accusing or saying hurtful words , and never leave your partner with the hope of a reconciliation if that’s not your intention . There’s nothing worse than keeping someone waiting while you have moved on and have no intention of going back .
Your absolutely right nmod,I knew of a couple where the husband left because he had found another women,he told his wife he just needed some space, and she wasn’t aware of anyone else being on the scene,he gave her the false hope that eventually he would move back in to the family home,she found out about the other women simply by chance,how cruel was that,but kharma had its way, and the other women went on to cheat on him and left him to live with her new fella……bet the ex wife had the biggest grin ever on her face……lol
Enjoyed all the blogs.