WHAT DO YOU CALL A HANDCUFFED MAN?

SEE, I’M AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER!!!

Q- How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A- They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.

Q- How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A- When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q- How do men define a ”50/50” relationship?
A- We cook they eat; we clean they dirty; we iron they wrinkle.

Q- How do men exercise on the beach?
A- By sucking in their stomach’s every time they see a bikini.

Q- How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A- make him wear shoes.

Q- How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A- rename the folder ”Instruction Manuals.

Q- how does a man shoe he’s planning his future?
A- He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q- How is Colonel Sanders like a typical male?
A- All he’s concerned about is legs, breasts, and thighs.

Q- What do men consider a guormet restuarant?
A- Any place without a drive in window.

Q- What do you call a handcuffed man?
A- Trustworthy.

Q- What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man’s penis?
A- His body.

Q- What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A- A power failure.

Q- What should you give a man who has everything?
A- A woman to show him how to work it.

Q- What do men and mascara have in common?
A- They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q- What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A- They either cling, run, or don’t fit right in the crotch.

Q- What do you instantly know about a well dressed man?
A- His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q- What’s a mans definition of a romantic evening?
A- Sex.

Q- What’s a mans idea of honesty in a relationship/
A- Telling you his real name.

Q- What’s the best way to firce a man to do sit ups?
A- Put the remote control between his toes.

Q- What’s the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A- Big Foot has been spotted several times.

Q- What’s the smartest thing a man can say?
A- ”My wife says…”

Q- Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
A- because they’re all pigs.

Q- Why do men like smart women?
A- Opposites attract.

Q- Why do men name their penises?
A- Because they don’t like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q- Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A- Because after 30 seconds they forgot what happened.

Q- Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A- Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q- Why do only 10% of men make it to Heaven?
A- Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q- what do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A- A widow.

Q- When do you care for a man’s company?
A- When he owns it.

Q- What do men and sperm have in common?
A- They both have one in a million chance of becoming human beings.

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