What are your go to “tools “

Hi Peeps.......what are your go to "tools".......when things are not going well in your life what  words, saying, phrases, thoughts do you use........what inner strength do you have to get you through the rubbish times........... bad times invariably pass be it five mins, five hours, five days, five weeks whatever.........I always quote " Its better to be one foot above ground than six foot below it " .......I have learnt, thank goodness not to imagine all the worst case scenarios possible in my head, needless hours of worry for what, it solved nothing....... I let life happen and deal with situations when and if they actually happen.........


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Published in Questions & Trivia


      1. sunsip

        I have a night to meself, order a kebab dont wanna cook, grab a bottle of wine, sit down in front of coranation street, ( to see if Phelan gets his comuppance ), next day all is well again. 🙂

        1. starlette Post author

          Good a way as any I would say……wish Phelan would get his comeuppance……..at least we are going to see Emma get hers next week…not before time…Phewww….

  1. Ms. K.

    I take a nap. Everything’s easier to handle after clearing my mind. If that doesn’t work, I watch a bit of “Jaws”, lol or go swimming – it’s very soothing.

    1. roseinbloom

      Sunsip, I love that night to yourself. I think I would just take a day and night and plan something special such as your special night.
      Would both you Brits tell me the Name of the show. I may get it on the Acorn.com site which streams British shows to Americans for a fee.

      1. starlette Post author

        “Coronation Street ” Rose…..its a British institution…….nothing royal about it I can assure you…….its a soap opera……..

  2. roseinbloom

    Starlette, thank you for this blog. I do what you do. I used to say, Time heals all wounds”, but I have had wounds that time does not heal. I “Let go” of a whole lot. If I have no way to change something, I just let it go, push it out of my head. I say, “the devil take the hindmost”. also. Same as Let go.
    I practice gratitude, I try to be grateful for what I have. I say practice because it is so easy to forget all that we have, when we are focused on our problems or what we don’t have. It is amazing how practicing gratitude really works.
    If I think of any really good ones, I will post later.

    1. starlette Post author

      Hi Rose, well the wounds may not ever fully heal, but hopefully they taught us a lesson along the way…its easy to become complacent and take our lives for granted…….so yes indeed we have to remind ourselves each day how lucky we are, even though at times it may not seem that way……

      1. roseinbloom

        Starlette, I appreciate and agree with your comment. We can do a lot about complacency and not enjoying and appreciating what is good. We can do nothing about bad thing that have happened, and we can do less or nothing about what will happen in the future.
        I and most need to focus on find joy and appreciating all that is good. I will try to do more of it and I have tried, but I can do better.

  3. rose1943

    Sometimes we really have to wonder how much to share about ourselves in these blogs. I’ve pondered a while about this one. It touches a very serious and secret place inside of me. I decided to share mine because I feel there are others out there who may identify and profit from my words.
    For most of my life I’ve lived with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disordered. Had 15 years of many different kinds of therapy from Psychiatrists and Psychologists. I’ve had all the testing done, etc. But I’m still here, I HAVE SURVIVED. I have a huge toolbox. For bad panic I take one of my drugs…maybe just a half. Don’t like to.
    A good FIX is taking five minutes and turning everything off. Lay down or sit as comfortably as possible. Just BREATE. Think only of your breathe flowing in and out of your body. Nothing else. Let the pesty thoughts just float away.
    This is just one of my tools and it works pretty well for me. But I have a whole box full of them when it doesn’t. I’ve worked very hard to survive because my father committed suicide at age 52, not being able to cope so I decided to get the help I needed so his life would be worth something. So it was a gift to me.
    Thank you for this blog, Starlette.

    1. starlette Post author

      Hello Rose, so pleased you have shared your coping mechanisms, who knows who it may help….we all find the best ways of coping with what life throws at us, what else can we do………but new tips are always worth trying………now the one Rockflower wrote about writing your grievance down to enable you to sleep, that I will try because when someone has riled me I replay it all night, hence no sleep….

    2. len1932

      At age 85 I have experienced all kinds of medical problems. The panic attacks were a real problem until I found a doctor that discovered I had low blood sugar. Now when I feel it coming on I take soft candy which I always carry with me, Almost immediately I return to normal.

      After my first wife died I had several panic attacks that put me in the hospital I learned to not worry any more as it causes problems. I pray and turn over to the Lord my problems as he tells us in Matthew 21:22 Whatsoever ye ask in prayer, BELIEVING, ye shall receive.” Then go to sleep;

      Six years ago, I was told I had prostate cancer stage 4, so paid for my funeral and picked out a casket. the docs wanted to do radiation and hormone treatments right away. I prayer for 3 days and the Lord told me he had healed me so told the civilian Docs I wanted no treatments. they were not happy. Today 6 years later, doctors at the Air Force hospital can not find any cancer and said to come back it have any problems.

      So at age 85 have my problems under control and keep active here on the farm.

        1. len1932

          At age 85 I like to read the OBITS in the newspaper each week. With a total of close to 50 each week I find only 10 to 14 were older than I am . I realize my time is short so pray 5 times a day for the Lord’s protection.
          I sleep well, and do not worry about anything as I know I am in the hands of the Lord. I remarried at age 80 so am well taken care of here on my farm with a young wife ten years younger.. I bought her a new car as she does all the driving. We travel all over the US by trains and enjoy each others company as old seniors.

          1. starlette Post author

            I also think one of the big clues in your comment to living a longer life is not to worry…….carry on doing what your doing Len…it obviously works for you……

  4. Rockflower

    I would endorse all the advice given here but do have a couple of extra things……. something unfortunate happens, OK what is the worst that it can be……plan what you will do in the event of that worst thing happening. In other words always have an action plan and a plan B.
    If I really feel mad at something or someone…as someone else has said sleep on it but I would add ….write your grievance out while you are mad, then sleep on it. Next morning read what you wrote….this does two things for me. First just writing it out relieves my anger,so I can sleep LOL! When you read your own words in the morning anything petty or just unfair sure leaps right back out at you. You can then adjust your own thinking and any response. I need to slow my reaction time because I don’t get really angry often but once I do it is very red and hot.

    1. starlette Post author

      Sounds a bit like me rock……very patient and very rarely blow, but when I do its short lived and I walk off…….I once read its only 10% what happens to you but 90% how you react to it…….I agree, give yourself some space before acting on anything……

  5. rose1943

    Journaling is a wonderful tool. Write it all out and get it all out. And watch your thoughts during the day to see how much you are going over and over an argument. See all the time and energy you are taking from yourself. Try not to allow this to go on. Not everyone can like us or love us. Who cares? Let it go. Check your journal daily to see any progress.
    I’ve taken some good Art Therapy courses. There are times you can’t express the yukky feelings and put them into words. Get a crayon or marker or pastels or charcoal with large sheets of paper and sprawl it all over the page. Get it all out. Then observe it.
    Sometimes it’s effective to write in a journal with your opposite hand. It’s fascinating at first a bit uncomfortable but keep going. You’ll be using the opposite hemisphere of your brain you normally use. Write or draw this way. Copy a famous sketch with your proper hand but turn the sketch upsidedown …..you’ll be fascinated and your brain and thoughts will be on a different trail. I think you might enjoy these tools. Hope some will try it.

    1. starlette Post author

      Certainly food for thought there Rose….some interesting concepts……..I can sort off see the reasoning behind this………your mind would become so engrossed on the new activity you were setting it that there would be no room left to concentrate on worrying…….that’s how I see it anyway………

  6. grandmaj

    Good blog Star, like all your blogs…. Mine would be “If I die, I die, I woke up breathing, its a good start to a new day”

  7. roseinbloom

    Another tool for coping, ACCEPT a lot more and forget and forgive a lot more. If you can accept and forgive yourself, then you can accept and forgive others.

  8. starlette Post author

    Hi Rose…I would never allow the actions of another to make me bitter, that would be harmful to myself……..but just life events in general I tend now not to sweat the small stuff as it were………..if someone has ever done me down in the past I wouldn’t be seeking revenge,” karma” will take care of that……..but whoosh they are gone from my life……..forgive and forget is easy to quote……..but in all honesty does anyone really forget, you may have to in some circumstances make a superhuman effort to forgive……..but forget…NAH….

    1. roseinbloom

      Starlette, you are smart and I enjoy your comments and learn or get support from them.
      I do forget a lot with time, but if the foundation of a relationship is destroyed, what do you do? Some are family and you show up together. Can not “Whoosh” those.

      1. starlette Post author

        Well Rose I understand what you are saying……family events I am thinking, well they wouldn’t be getting any of my time and conversation, not even through gritted teeth…….

  9. pariba

    This is a really good blog and all the replies are very open and honest. I really enjoyed reading through all of them. They have given me food for thought and also a few new coping techniques for when life’s surprises spring up thank you.

    1. starlette Post author

      Hi pariba and ty…….its surprising what you can learn on SC, especially when chatters are prepared to open up and be honest……it just shows that we all have the concerns and worries to deal with that life throws at us…..and hopefully how to help us deal with them….

  10. vonMichael

    Good Morning Star,

    any nasty words you can think of ( which are not suitable to be printed out here )
    are my tools.
    There exist so many so I have many opportunities to choose the right one for the
    moment of need.xxxM

  11. TheWalker

    The tool I mostly use is Optimism. I never go into a situation expecting the worse, if that happens I worry and deal with it then. why waste worry on something that might not happen. Also whenever I am asked the question “Hows life?” I say better than the alternative. I have wonderful children and if I need to feel better about anything I think about them and maybe text or ring them, Life is good, health issues are just a hurdle to overcome. Interesting Blog Starlette.

    1. starlette Post author

      Ty……. couldn’t agree more Walker………took me a long while to get to thinking that way, Never Worry Worry…… Till Worry Worries you…….because there is no point on looking on the negative side of things that may never happen anyway….

  12. Drummer

    I have nothing orfound to say, but if the problem arises I can turn to my music – if I am really down I select the besdt Brass Band recording I have – and let it blast – loudly – usually works!