“True Colours”

It never ceases to amaze me that some people's "true colours" appear after a death in a family.

My son's mother-in-law and a good friend of mine recently died and was buried. She has 2 children - a daughter and a son. The son's behaviour has been despicable showing his "true colours" to all people concerned. He has and is still harrassing his sister for money, even though she has repeatedly told him that their mother's assets have been frozen. He lies, cheats, and has physically abused his sister. All of this for money. The abuse took place when none of us were around.

His mother couldn't die quick enough. While she was lying in a hospital bed dying, he and his "new" lady friend went on camping trips, travelled interstate, and recently went on a 4 day cruise. His inheritance can't some quick enough for him. I have never met anyone like him. His longtime friends are gobsmacked at his behaviour.

His mother was a lovely, caring, generous lady, and would be turning in her grave at her son's selfish, despicable treatment of his sister, who was the one caring for her for years, with help from my son and myself. My son and I are very close to punching him, but I, and I told my son, he is not worth going to gaol for.

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Published in Home & Family


  1. grandmaj

    Hi FY, happens a lot this type of thing. I feel sorry for the sister, its hard enough dealing with her Mothers death, let alone this on top of it. Hope all goes well for the sister. Good advice not to punch him, but oh so very tempting isn’t it. xx

  2. starlette

    Its said money is the root of all evil……..and never is it more apparent then when someone passes away……..stand back and watch the woodworm come crawling out of the woodwork…

  3. jessamyne

    I am truly sorry for your loss.
    Death bring out the worst in many people. It seems all they have on their mind is what they are getting out of the deal. These people are vultures, and I’d like to punch them, too.

  4. roseinbloom

    True colors is a good title for this type of events after death. Forever young, the daughter is lucky to have you and your son for support. Doe’s the daughter have good legal help. A solicitor as I think you call them could deal with son and lady friend. The police may need to be contacted for an order of protection whereby the son is not permitted to go within a certain distance of the sister.
    Star letter described very well what happens when there is a death, “woodworms crawl out of the woodwork”.
    I hope this resolves and the brother and sister can restore a relationship.

  5. vonMichael

    Hello forever,

    I discussed this point with my mife several times without finding a decent answer;
    Why children in the south ountries of Europe or the Arabic world have so strong
    family ties to their parents and/or grandsparents????

    I would never ever see that person even if he dies in front of me. Michael

    1. roseinbloom

      Michael, very interesting thought. Many Americans are part German as I am myself and I never really thought much about which families have stronger ties. I do no we need strong ties and strong families but for some reason a death can break many family ties. Law’s are made to protect property from the thievery and chaos of a death, and still there is chaos and family breakups.
      I knew of one funeral that had the police and the ambulances coming. An armed man was threatening and one relative was passing out. The armed man had lost out in the will. I said to my friend he should write the story and have a movie made. It was so extreme and he and his family in a wealthy suburb in their very best black suits just calm in the middle of chaos enjoying a final victory. Fortunately the widowed father had remarried and all the original family were on the same side. It would make a great movie.

  6. Rockflower

    This happens all the time, a family gets along just fine then there is a death and previously reasonable people will fight tooth and claw for a cracked jug or $100! If you have anything to leave behind, make lists of who gets what and lodge the list with a lawyer. Death and expectations bring out the worst in some people. Same with a loan of money to a family member……let a third party like a lawyer or banker lay out the details and if the loan is to be returned make that process clear. It is sad but it happens often.I’m sorry you are having this experience just don’t let it cloud the happy memories of your friend.

  7. Rockflower

    Sorry did I put my reply in the wrong box? That reply was for True Colours.

    To answer you Michael…I don’t know if I have a sensible answer either.The only things I can come up with……. In some cultures, the family is more tribal , the greater family tied by blood connection is more of a unit…the ‘Family’ as, protection from the world. The Family, is greater than the individuals who are part of it. Those cultures that I think of being this way are also very tactile people does that make a difference? I do not know. Certainly growing up in England in the last century, I’d say that we all kept to our personal space LOl, everyone did not hug and kiss everyone. Now in modern life, families are scattered, they don’t have daily or weekly contact. Relatives do not know each other as they used to when they lived relatively close . Many young people have common law partners rather than marriage , that in it’s self means no commitment to the idea of family. Divorce, it was very rare when I was a child, I did not know anyone who had divorced parents. Grandparents are often the real losers when their son or daughter has a divorce, their grandchildren are then lost to them. A child born today does not see his parents having commitment to family so the message is ….you can take family or leave it. Thankfully there are still some families who manage to have a relationship and enjoy each other but many do not.
    I know I’ve not answered your question hope someone can……

  8. roseinbloom

    Rockflower, you have explained a lot of it, and also modern travel has made families able to move away for one reason or another. More money and opportunities makes families less dependent on each other. Smaller countries tend to stay closer together. In the USA, we can live thousands of miles away and be in the same country. As families age the children have families of their own and sibling bonds get broken. Churches and traditions keep some family groups together. I still think that people need to try to get along and help each other. Most families in the USA are two isolated and the children do not have the support they need nor do their parents have the help they need.

  9. roseinbloom

    Foreveryoung, I think you may need a more descriptive title because I think a whole lot of people would have to something to say on this subject. I suggest a title like “True Colors and the Will” or something of the sort. I would love to hear people’s stories. My Dad used to tell a story about two Aunts who fought over the Cow and the Cookstove. I learned from him not to be like a vulture when there is a death.

    1. foreveryoung2 Post author

      Thank you all for your great comments. I was so angry at this horrible son that I just had to get it down on paper before I did punch him. She was a good mother to him.
      I am sure there are many similar stories out there with money being the major concern for some. It is just so sad.

  10. foreveryoung2 Post author

    Thank you all for your great comments. I was so angry at this horrible son that I just had to get it down on paper before I did punch him. She was a good mother to him.
    I am sure there are many similar stories out there with money being the major concern for some. It is just so sad.

    1. Tommy H

      I have a long complicated story of how my elder Brother Roland swindled my parents out of all of their Money and House approx. worth 1 million pounds. It broke my dads hart and died because of the rift it caused between dad and mum. left my mum so upset later died. I hope he burns in hell for eternity . Cant say how evil some people are, Surprisingly enough the last time I saw him he was on a TV Program about a psychopath he new at school when we lived at Dartford. Little did the program personnel know they were actually intervening a utter monster. Still cant think about it without crying.