Toffee Apple

Little but rude at the end, but, I think, (and hope!) acceptable.

About 12 years ago, I was working for a second rate transport company, who, among other things delivered molasses to farms. We didn’t do a lot of it, and nobody wanted the job, not surprisingly. A 300 gallon tank was loaded onto the 16 tonner I drove at the time, and secured with a ratchet strap. On a pallet next to it, there was a motor mower engine which was used as a pump, with two pipes attached. One had already been attached to the molasses tank, and the other was wound round the mower engine. It had a triggered nozzle at the end, which I was told to hang over the edge of the storage tank tat the farm, and keep a close eye on it, in case it drops off. When I got to the farm, the farmer pointed out a small tank on it’s own little trailer, in one corner of a field, then disappeared on his tractor. I drove to the tank, opened one side of the truck and hung my nozzle over the edge of the tank’s lid. I can remember being disappointed that the engine fired up, first pull. I pulled the trigger on the nozzle, and locked it open. The thick black mass started pouring into the tank, and I held it with one hand, as instructed. Maybe this job’s not so bad after all.

Don’t you believe it!!!!!!!

There was an ominous clatter behind me, and I looked round to see that the mower engine had rattled it’s way off the edge of the pallet, and was now doing a strange break dance across the body of the truck. Better keep an eye on it, but I had to keep hold of the nozzle……..or did I? I’d wedged the nozzle under the rim and it seemed secure enough, even though the little engine was knocking out some pretty good pressure. I decided to go for it, and let go of the nozzle. Well on the one hand, I did have time to drag the engine away from the edge of the truck, on the other hand, however, as i leapt back onto the edge of the trailer with the tank on, the nozzle flew out to meet me, and nearly socked me on the jaw! I should’ve just got out the way, but I didn’t. I caught it in mid-air…….and it caught me too!! In seconds, I was covered in horrible, sticky molasses!! I put the nozzle back in and completed the delivery, but kept a tight grip on it this time. Stinking bloody molasses everywhere. I was not the happiest bunny in the meadow by a VERY long chalk!

Well, needless to say, I had to cover the drivers seat with my jacket and try not to get molasses spread too liberally around the cab. By the time I got back to the yard, the boss’s son, Jason, who is also a good mate. was back too. By this time, my clothes were stiff as cardboard. and he fell about laughing as I creaked down from the cab. His dad, the boss, came out, and the two office girls, and a great laugh was had by all. Including myself. Well, what else could I do?? My final remark, before heading for the shower was: “What a happy day! What a day for shoving a broom handle up my butt and shouting ‘How’s that for a toffee apple?!'”

Have a good day. 🙂 Thanks for reading.