Those Who May Need Us …
I just have to write about an experience I had today. I have an elderly neighbor who lives alone. I stopped over to visit with her earlier, as I saw her sitting alone on her front porch. During our visit, she suddenly broke down and cried and cried. When she was finally able to speak, she told me how alone she feels, as her daughters and their families seem to have forgotten her, as she put it. They very rarely call her and haven’t actually visited her for a long length of time, even though they are living only a few hour’s drive away. …I realize how busy people’s lives can get, but this is a heartbreaking thing to hear and see. Perhaps her family assumes she is fine since she still drives short distances, and perhaps they are forgetting that she is getting advanced in years and they are busy with their day-to-day lives, but she feels unloved and forgotten. …The elderly can often feel forgotten. I’ve witnessed a lot of this while volunteering some years ago in a long-term care facility. Many elderly patients there were never visited by family members, no matter how near or far away they lived. Just by me spending a few moments talking or sitting with some of these residents, seemed to help brighten their day. There were some that didn’t seem to notice at all, those who had dementia, but I think it’s still important for those people, for us to try to be aware, that there just might be a part of them that is still somewhat aware of people and their surroundings, and they too, still have that basic human need to be engaged in conversation or have some companionship. I think everyone does, no matter what their age or medical condition. Even if it’s just sitting with them, little things can make a huge difference. This goes for anyone of any age, any situation, people living alone, those that may be housebound… whether it be because they are elderly, or have an injury or a disability, or perhaps just lack of their own transportation. …As we all get busier with our own lives, let’s still try to remember those who may need us to help them, even in some small way.
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Kate, That is so very nice of you and it is so true that family’s are to busy to check on their parents. My daughter lives 10 minutes from me and I don’t see her that often and she doesn’t call me very often either . But I did spend Sunday with her and yesterday she called and brought me a Hibiscus and planted it for me. I will see her again tomorrow at the Jazz Band Concert at Joey’s school. But I don’t think I should have to tell her to call me say my every other day . My son calls me once a week but he lives in Westfeild, Ma. So I don’t see him but once or twice a year . So again thank you for writing such a wonderful blog about your neighbor.
Marie, I’m happy to know that you had a visit from your daughter recently, and I hope that those visits and phone calls that you treasure, will be more frequent. It’s nice to know that your son does call you weekly, and that you do see him sometimes. I know you’ve been a terrific mother, and indeed a terrific grandmother to those two wonderful grandsons of yours, whom I know, adore and love you very much, also.
It is very heartwarming hearing that there are still those willing to think and spare those few moments with those that maybe bed ridden or house bound,suffering from a disability or indeed dementia………….any of these areas that can cause such utter lonliness and isolation, which then in turn, makes that person feel under valued,worthless and far from another citizen as she or he once was.
I speak here from two points of view.
Much like your good self Katelin, I too as a former Nurse and carer …….well aware of this lonliness forced upon dear folk, simply because for one reason or other they are no longer able to fully participate as the human being they once were.
I went into this very deeply………brought about by my owm long periods of inactivity before reaching the stage I am now at, and there in lies another story………….however yes I found just that simple little call,perhaps bringing a pretty plant,a small posy or favourite pack of biscuits results in making that house bound`s person a brighter day.
You witness the light in their eyes and their smile deepens making it all so worth while.
Is it too much to ask???
Most are able to dedicate a few minutes weekly…… if not daily.
Secondly I speak now from my own point of view.
No longer able to travel,visit or offer very much other than conduct some uplifts via this machine!………..I am mainly house or bed bound,although I am blessed with a good husband (whom also suffers a life threatening illness)…….we have no family what so ever………..so no back up when the other is unable to do those needful tasks.
However this lonliness,this feeling of no longer being useful,not able to do those usual little acts of kindness presses very hard when sat for hours with very little else to do…………..you feel hopeless and helpless.
So for me my life line is the PC and forums such as SC…..which is a window on the world with the friends made becoming almost my family.
But I am one of the more fortunate ones……………….. because for many they may not have the comfort or companionship offered via a P.C………… so that ring of the door bell and visitor becomes such a blessing in a lonely life where days seem to stretch into weeks, because of the boredom.
Just five minutes can make ALL the difference in the world…………..I bet there is someone living near you who would greatly benefit from your visit.
Be another Katelin,offer a little hope,spread a little cheer…………show that humans do care , can and will spare those few moments.
We need many more Katelins!!
Keeper of dreams your reply paints a touching vision of what my future may hold for me. When I’m home I visit an assisted living facility near my home, I’ve seen how a simple game of chess or checkers can put a smile on the face of one of the people there, listening to a past memory of days gone by simple things a little time and for that I receive the best feelings that I can get,
Someday I may be in such a place and hope someone will find the time to visit me,
JW, how nice of you to take the time to spend with people in the facility near your home. Yes, even the littlest things can make a big difference in those lives which have been restricted to some degree, behind those walls. That’s all it takes, is just spending a bit of our time with others, no matter what their living situation, and no matter how we spend the time.. whether it be the games, or chatting, and indeed, especially taking the time to listen to them, so they know that what they say and what they feel, matters to someone.
Hello Katelin
What a touching and truly felt blog – Hopefully it will inspire more Chatters to share and be shared – even if only via Chatters – although personal visits can to do so much.
I had the good fortune of helping to establish a Hospital Broadcasting service in Colchester 55 years or so ago,(and the service is still running) and how the patients appreciated not just hearing themselves on air, but more I feel the personal contact when personal visits were made to there wards – this was especially true in the Geriatric Wards and other long stay patients.
So thank you for your wise words – may as many Chatters as possible read them! Regards Drummer
Thank you for your comments, Drummer. How wonderful that you were involved in establishing such an important service for those patients. I’m sure your time gave them much happiness and made them feel important and valued. So many of the elderly feel left out, and this sounds like a terrific way to include them in a delightful activity. I’m glad to know that the service is still running.
Joan, you are one of the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure to know in my lifetime. You joined us here on Senior Chatters not too long ago, and from day one, you have been so generous with your kind words for others. With your friendliness and always positive and cheerful attitude, you have managed to shine a huge ray of sunshine into this site every day that you have been here. I know that you have many difficult challenges and limitations, yet you are always thinking of others and putting forth good cheer every day here. I’m sure that you have been a positive, much appreciated presence in the lives of those that you cared for years ago, and I so admire your good heart, and great strength.
~ It’s important for all of us members here on this site to remember that there are also many people here, who are alone and/or housebound, and need companionship and friendship.
@keeper-of-dreams / Joan
What a wonderful thing to say Katelin,it renders me speechless.
But a big thank you, because as a nurse /carer and then the co founder of our Cancer Centre……. reaching out,going that extra mile…….thinking of others rather than only self…….has been my way of life for so long.
Now I am the needy one,so people like your sweet self, uplift,give me hope again…………sadly, there are not too many around because, indeed, there are great pockets of need everywhere….and growing……..
But hopefully you have highlighted this area here which may trigger others to join in .
Whilst for the visit…………plus rising awareness such as this……..you deserve the accolades,the thanks …………and hopefully………………… many such blessings in your own life.
Many thanks and blessings to you, Joan. You are a gem.
I too Kaitlin,have children who never bother to call or visit,from one year to the next,or decade,for that matter,,they only live about 20 minutes drive away.I do see them a cpl of times a years,simply by going to their places,but I do feel somewhat uncomfortable at those times by impinging on their busy lives.
Since I now live in a retirement village.I derive a lot of pleasure from chatting with the single “Old dears” from time to time,flirting,changing light globes and taking them shopping now and then…It gives us both a good feeling. 🙂
I just hope my kids dont feel too enraged when they are told (when the time comes)….”Sorry guys…looks like he spent it “.
Capp, I’m so sorry to hear that your children don’t visit you. They’re missing out on so much in not sharing life with you, and I’m sure you gave them many years of love and care. It’s sad to know that you’re not now getting that in return. ..How wonderful it is, that you offer others in your retirement community your kindness and time.
Good for you cap, no excuse for not visiting. My mum lives about 10 minutes away from me and I visit 1 or 2 times a week and she comes to me most Sunday’s when I am not working. She gets very lonely and really looks forward to visits. Although my brother only makes contact maybe twice a year. She gets very sad.
Judeee.. it’s heartwarming to hear that you visit with your mother so frequently. Bless you.
Oh, Katelin…. you just reopened old wounds for me. I try so hard to forget how neglected and ill my mother was at the nursing home prior to her death. When she was finally admitted to the hospital… she had deep bed sores and gangrene on one foot. How on earth could the hospital nurses be so neglectful.
The thought of suing the nursing home would not have brought Mom back. I am angry and hope to god that I will not suffer as she did if I am to be alone and/or in a nursing home ~ someday.
I applaud you for doing what you did, Katelin. We need more people as yourself in this world.
The thought of volunteering in a nursing home would break my heart as I am sure I would see patients suffering from the dreaded disease, Dementia as Mom did for fourteen long years.
When I visited Mom in the nursing home… my sister (Lucy) and I would visit some patients; one Christmas we gifted many patients with stuffed toys. They loved them.
Cappy, I’m sorry that your children are so distant. I have no children… so, I fear being alone someday.
Correction: How on earth could the nursing home nurses be so neglectful.
Pam, I’m so sorry for your pain.. it’s so very sad to know that the nursing home that your mother was in did not take better care of her. I know how much you miss her and I’m deeply sorry that you have to endure these painful memories of her days there. It’s an outrage that some facilities do not have better management and it seems that in some places, the workers just go to work to put in their time.. it’s so unfortunate that there are some who don’t have the compassion and care that is so very vital in the health care field. My daughter has recently completed beginning nursing courses and part of her training was to spend half the course time in a nursing home. They’re taught how to make sure every single aspect of the resident’s lives are taken care of, in order to make sure what happened with your mother, does not happen in the facility she trained in, or anywhere else along their career paths. I am so proud of the compassion and concern my daughter shows for those who are not able to take care of themselves. I know she will be one of those nurses who truly will care, and make a difference.
What you and your sister did for your mom and those other patients in her nursing home is so heartwarming. The stuffed toys gave them something to hold onto and feel better.. and that makes a big impact. Hugs for you, Pam.
Feeling yourpain Pam and wishing I could make it better, but sadly, somethings stay too ingrained for ever.
Without any family back up, and both of us now with a series of complicated health issues, my greatest fear is being left all alone…………..and yes,in one of those soul less places they have the audacity to call Care Homes………..the last thing many of them are…….and the last place I wish to be my final resting place……before being called home above.
Sending warm welsh hugs XX
Wow what a powerful blog Katelin. I didn’t need to read this blog to know what a wonderful, caring, inspiring woman you are. From the first time I met you on SC I knew that our hearts would touch in a very special way. You are one of the most kindest people I have come to know and all those who come in contact with you are truly blessed. KOD is also a person I have met recently on SC who has also touched my heart in a very special way. She is also an incredible woman who has many challenges in her life but still finds the time to care and show compassion and kindness to others. Pam I also consider to be a very special friend, and my heart goes out to all who have commented on this blog. My dear mother was treated badly in a public hospital and also in a nursing home. She died in agony. I berate myself for not being there for her when she passed. I was living in Tasmania at the time and made regular visits to her in NSW and finally left Tasmania to be closer to her but she passed in the early hours of the morning. One of my sisters was with her at the time. I was also treated badly by the staff of the public hospital as my youngest sister and youngest brother (who are both selfish, greedy, self-centred people whom I will never speak to again as long as I live) advised the hospital that they were the only 2 members of mum’s family to be listed and contacted – there are 5 of us and I am the eldest and next of kin, but I was out voted by them and this sister’s children to be mum’s guardian and a public guardian was appointed. I had to beg for information about my mother, and turn up personally at the hospital but they still kept me out of the loop. I did complain but nothing was done about the staff. My mother was left with empty oxygen tanks, bed sores, soiled nappies, the hospital lost her upper denture and her glasses, and though they stated they would replace them, they never did. All complaints fell on deaf ears. I have vowed that I will never go into a nursing home, and will take action to avoid this. I was a palliative care volunteer for a few years, and loved it. There were things those suffering from a terminal illness did not want to discuss with their families, and we were a sounding board for these things. Those who could get around I took them to medical appointments, to do shopping, and to visit family and friends. I stopped this volunteering when the President of the Committee became power struck and it started to become all about her. I found this difficult to cope with in a volunteering position where the care of our clients was the major concern. I miss it, but I have my own problems to deal with at present. It is true the young are caught up in their busy lives, but it doesn’t much to phone or even send a text to just say hello and ask how you are doing. I can remember when I was a young working mother how busy that time was, but with technology today (and the young are never without their mobile phones) it is much easier to keep in touch. My eldest son and I do this regularly. I have a sick friend who lives on her own, and I send her a text “just checking in – how are you, do you need anything?” It also makes me feel better when I get her reply. So keep up the good work Katelin and others. We all need each other. God bless you all. Take care xoxo
Dear Foreveryoung… You too, are one of the special ones in my life and I so treasure your friendship. You’ve never wavered from your loyalty and caring ways, and I thank you for that. I know we’ll be lifelong friends/sisters! .. I am so sorry for your pain, also. It’s just horrible that your mother suffered, and equally horrible that you have to endure those painful memories of how she, and you, were treated. There are so many sad stories of things like this happening around the world, and I cannot wrap my head around it. It’s just so inhumane to not give these elderly people the simple, basic care that they need and deserve. ..Bless your heart for helping so many people through your palliative care work. You’re the perfect type of person to have been there for those people. ..Love and hugs. xoxo
It sure does sadden me to hear all these stories of how our loved ones suffered in the hands of family and/or nursing homes, etc. I did not mean to hijack your blog, Katelin… but simply vent my pain. Sending hugs to all.
Dear Pam.. no problem at all.. in fact, I think it’s a very good thing in all of these blogs, to have others’ points of view and experiences shared, in order to promote all areas of discussion that may even offshoot from topics discussed. They all relate to some degree, and you highlighted a very real and very distressing issue that the elderly sometimes face.. the lack of proper medical care. I appreciate your comments on the blog.. and you just feel free to vent anytime.. we’re all here for each other, and your comments helped others feel comfortable in sharing their own similar experiences. ..Love and hugs to you, Pam.
I get very destressed when I read about how the elderly are treated in nursing homes.In this day and age it should be better not worse ,seems money speaks more then the person in need.Think we were very very lucky when we put my dad and sister in one they are and were looked after very well.
I agree with you, Mac. It’s very upsetting that there are times when the elderly are not cared for properly. I’m so glad that your father and sister had very good care.
I agree wholeheartedly with comments posted above re. your blog Kaitlin – firstly what a truly kind and lovely gesture for you to visit your neighbour and listen to her sad story — a story that is all too common these days. There are so many people, especially elderly, whose lives are lived day- to- day with often no contact whatsoever. The area in which I live has a large population of elderly folk – and its very sad to see them struggling – men and women – as they try to achieve their daily tasks – getting a little shopping, etc. – with no company or assistance – and people pass them by without a thought, a hello – or a smile. Simple little things that can make them feel they are recognized.
I guess we all need to stop and remember — its a place where some day – if not at present we may all be! It doesn’t take much to smile, or say ‘hello’ – or make a telephone call – and it may mean a great deal to that person.
You are so right, GoldenGirl… and I just know that you are one of the caring and kind people on this planet, who would be giving all of those whom you encounter, a smile.. a kind word.. making their day a bit brighter. 🙂 …Blessings to you, Cherie.