Starting Over – Chapter Five

Chapter 5

Tony was still ill Saturday and feeling better on Sunday. We decided that he would stay and I would bring him to work on Monday.

I didn’t mind cooking on Sunday. I made chicken soup. I thought that would be safe. When we were about to eat the soup I joked, “I hope you don’t have the same reaction to the soup as you did the meatloaf.”

Tony laughed and looked at me and said, “if that meant I could stay here longer, then it would be worth it.”

I didn’t know how to respond so I joked, “then I’ll have to start charging you rent.”

As he was eating his soup I found myself saying, “I really have enjoyed having you here.”

Where did that come from? I should never have said that.

Tony looked in my eyes and said, “I feel the same way. It’s hard for me to leave you..uh, I mean here.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of his and I felt like an invisible string was pulling me towards him. I started telling him about my children to change the focus.

“What about you Tony, do you have any children?”

Tony told me he had a 19 year old daughter named Mia. She was attending Rutgers University and wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to do yet. Also, that after his divorce two years ago, Mia was having a rocky time adjusting. She was hanging out with kids he didn’t approve of and her appearance had changed drastically. From a clean cut teenager she now had dyed blue and red streaked hair, tons of black eye makeup, and multiple piercings. He wasn’t happy about that at all.

“Kids all go through their phases Tony. You just have to pick your battles. Don’t fret over the little stuff but make sure you have control over the big issues. Someday she’ll thank you.

I told him a little about my husband Dan.

“Was he your knight in shining armor?” Tony asked.

“Yes he was. Funny you should use that expression – I said that to the receptionist the other day.”

“I know,” Tony said as he looked at me sadly, “I was behind Maggie when you said that. It sounded like you loved him very much.

“I can’t lie, I really did. He was everything to me. We had each other’s back.”

I wanted to change the subject. “Tony, when did you first notice me at Sterling?” I asked.

“I noticed you the first day you came in. Your smile lit up Andrea’s office. You treated the cleaning staff with such kindness even though they didn’t have your spot ready. Sometimes people on the executive floor forget that other people have feelings – but you were different. I passed by your office to see about your boss’s schedule, but you didn’t see me. I’m not used to such positive energy Julie, so I was happy we would be working together.”

I was observing Tony’s face as he was telling me this. His eyes were devouring me.

“When you yelled at me because I didn’t eat, you walked away laughing,why?”

Because you looked at me like I was going to kill you, your eyebrows must have gone over your forehead. I’m sorry but it really cracked me up. I expected you to get a weapon from under your bed and conk me one.”

Did he look under my bed and see the hammer! I couldn’t bring myself to look away from those smoldering hazel eyes. I felt so drawn to him. As he drew his face close to mine and I was about to give in to my emotions, the doorbell rang.

We both jumped. I got up to see who it was. Oh great, Tommy and Robbie notified their brother Richie, who was now here on a reconnaissance mission. As I let him into the foyer, he had the typical Ramao look with the upraised eyebrows and the smirk. That meant “what’s going on?”

“Hi Rich, I’m feeling better and I’d like you to meet my friend Tony. He stayed with me to help me when I was sick and then he unfortunately got the same virus I did and I helped him. Isn’t that great?” I asked sheepishly.

“Yeah, super,” Richie said sarcastically as he was sizing Tony up. Tony took this in good humor as he understood my son was just being protective. Tony seemed to like my kids.

“Look Richie, this is all on the up and up,” Tony said. “Your mother is a good hearted person who would not throw a sick guy out even though she didn’t know him very well. We work for the same company and she’ll be giving me a ride back to work on Monday where I’ll have my own car. You don’t have to worry about any hanky panky because somehow vomiting and diahhrea just don’t turn people on.”

“OK, enough said,” Richie cried out. “I don’t need to know,” he said as he faked vomiting.

Tony and I couldn’t help but laugh. My kids got their sense of humor from me.

“Something smells good,” chided Richie. “Have any extra soup for your baby?”

“Extra soup,” Tony laughed, “your mother made a pot big enough for an army.”

Just then Tommy and Robbie rang the bell and they came in with their girlfriends. I sure knew I had enough food. I just loved when they dropped in, okay, maybe not tonight, but what the heck.

It turns out that Tony had just as sharp a wit as my sons. The barbs went back and forth and the funny stories were hilarious. For the next hour we ate chicken soup, and laughed until we cried. I felt so happy, this felt so right. As I looked over at Tony’s face, he was beaming. I had never seen him look like that.

Monday morning rolled around and as we were riding to work, Tony looked sad. I asked him what was wrong.

“I was thinking about what it was like with you and your children. Everyone is happy, laughing, telling stories. I can see the closeness you all have. My childhood was miserable.”

Tony began telling me about John and Mary Raniere and what he and his sister Lena had to go through.

“It was bearable when I thought everyone lived like me but when I see what a happy family looks like, I know what I missed out on,” Tony said sadly.

“Julie, are you crying?”

His story was so heartbreaking that I couldn’t hold back the tears, which is not good when you’re doing 80 mph on the highway.

“Everyone deserves to be loved and the thought that you were treated so badly makes me very sad,” I whispered.

Tony wiped the tear away from my eye tenderly. “If you weren’t doing 80 mph, I would seriously kiss you right now.” Tony said softly.

I wanted to slow down and pull over right that moment but I knew I should keep driving.

I didn’t want to be so candid but I couldn’t help it. “Tony, I feel a strong connection to you. We’re strangers, yet I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

He was looking at me intently and I joked to ease the tension, “maybe we knew each other in another life.”

He stared out the window, “I wish I had known you before.”

Tony put his head down. “Julie, I’m trouble and I don’t want you to get hurt. My rage and my anger have caused me and others great pain. I don’t want you to see that side of me. Right now you look at me like I’m a great guy, and I wish I was that guy. I just couldn’t bear to see the look of disappointment on your face when you see who I really am.”

I couldn’t understand why he was tearing himself down.

“Maybe you need to start liking yourself Tony. I’m usually a good judge of character and I think you’re a good man. Is there something you want to tell me about your past Tony? Let me decide how good or bad it is.”

Tony didn’t answer me and his expression changed as we were pulling up to the building. It was like someone flicked the “off” switch and now I was with the stranger again.

Our ride in together didn’t go unnoticed. Jimmy Gallo and Kevin Feeney, the Heckyl and Jeckyl of the Maintenance group were poking each other and giving Tony the thumbs up. What idiots.

Tony’s expression was hard as he turned to me and grinned, “thanks for the ride honey.” It was like he was talking to some cocktail waitress.

Honey! How dare he!

I was so shocked by the change in his attitude that I was speechless.

What happened to the sensitive Tony I was talking to for most of the ride? This guy is a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde – what was I thinking? Is this all a game for him? Is he trying to make a fool of me?

The hard Tony said, “look it was nice but let’s not blow this out of proportion. I’m not a “feelings” kind of guy. Understand?” He got out of the car not even looking back at me. “After all we’re on the job now and that wouldn’t be very professional, would it?”

I felt like a knife had been plunged into my chest. As my eyes started to get teary I regretted letting myself be so vulnerable to this man. I totally let my guard down.

He looked at me with such intensity and emotion or did he? Was it all in my mind because I was lonely since Dan died? Is Tony as dangerous as he said? By his last actions, he certainly was capable of inflicting pain on me. Time to pull back Julie, way, way back.