Starting Over – Chapter Eight

Chapter 8

Almost a month had passed since my blow up with Tony. It’s amazing how things work out and we get back into the rhythm of our lives after each catastrophe. Work was going great, and I thought of all the things in my life I had to be grateful for, my children coming up number one on the list.

Tommy, my oldest at 25, was a very wise young man. He looked the most like me. Since Dan died, he grew up a little faster and he really tried to help me in every way he could. He took on a different role with his brothers too. Tommy made sure they hung out with the right kids, and helped them get through their “rite of passage” escapades without getting into too much trouble. He attended every one of their games and rooted for them as loud as any father would.

I made sure Tommy could still have a carefree life too. I was still the Mom and able to handle the running of the house and our lives. He thanked me for that, “thanks Mom for letting me still be kid when Dad died. I know how hard it was for you,” he said as he hugged me. It was too bad that Dan couldn’t be there when Tommy was inducted into the New York City police force. He would have been so proud.

Robby and Richie were my identical 19 year old twins. They had Dan’s coloring, brunette and dark eyes. Every time I saw them come around a corner, I thought I was looking at Dan. They were constantly kidding around with each other, or punching each other out, as brothers will do. I was so happy they were doing so well at Rutgers University. They lived in off campus housing there. Robby was quiet and pensive while Richie was the ultimate extrovert, ready to party at a minute’s notice.

All in all, I was very proud of my sons. Janet was another story. Even when my sister Marge was alive, Janet was a handful. Marge spent so much time making up for Janet’s father leaving, that Janet became a spoiled brat. As Marge lay sick in bed after chemo, Janet wouldn’t even get her mother a drink of water. She was too preoccupied on the phone with her friends. I tried not to hold that against Janet because that’s the way she was brought up but now I had to help her and be hard the way my sister couldn’t.

This had been a long week and I was so glad it was Friday night.

“What are your plans for the weekend Julie?” Ellen Reilly asked.

Why do people always ask that question. What if you don’t have plans for the weekend, does everyone have to know? And what’s so bad about not having plans anyway.

I had some take out for dinner, watched a few shows on TV and thought it would be a good time to go to bed. I just couldn’t fall asleep, my body wouldn’t let me. My husband had been dead for three years and I hadn’t had a lover since. There was just no one I wanted until I met Tony. Just thinking about him made my body come alive. This was so unfair, now I would never fall asleep.

I took off my clothes and put on a robe and thought, “I’ll just have to take a cold shower to put me out of my misery.” Just because your husband dies doesn’t mean you never want to be held again, never make passionate love again.

I was just about to turn on the shower when the doorbell rang. It was probably the boys, sometimes they stopped after going out with friends in the area.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” I dashed to the door and opened it, “what are you boys……,” I stopped abruptly. It was Tony. I felt my eyebrows raising over forehead.

“Julie, I’m sorry to stop by so late but I just had to talk to you. I know you can’t stand my guts but I need to express what I’m feeling right now.”

I was so so hungry for him right then and there I didn’t know if I could contain myself. I could tell him to leave but my body won’t let me.

“I was out of line when I grabbed your arm in the office. My temper got the best of me and you didn’t deserve that. I just wanted to thank you for treating me with compassion and not smacking my face,” he said while fidgeting with his watch. He tried to keep his eyes on mine but he looked down at my robe long and slow. I noticed he was starting to breathe a little heavier.

“Julie, I have to go NOW. Just accept my apology, that’s all I ask.”

As he started to walk away, I jumped in front of him, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him so long and deep I thought I would suffocate him. He looked at me surprised and then grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to him, kissing me so deeply, caressing me, starting something in motion, like a river breaching the levee, that couldn’t be stopped. It was like thunder and lightning and sparks and we couldn’t get enough of each other. That night made up for three years of being alone.

I couldn’t think of the future, I couldn’t think of being practical, all I could think of was I wanted this one night, this one weekend. Wherever it went from here, I was prepared to deal with it.

At about 3 AM we pulled away from each other breathless. We both looked at each other and said, “WOW,” at the same time and then started laughing. Tony and I talked for hours after that, entwined in each other’s arms. We confided so much to each other about our lives, our families. When we both got drowsy enough for sleep, Jake started barking and needed to go out. Wonder what my doggie was thinking lying in his little bed at the corner of the room.

“I’ll take him out Julie, you stay in bed.”

“Okay Tony, I’ll get up and make some coffee,” I said groggily.

“No Angel, you stay in bed and I’ll be right back,” Tony said his voice getting husky.

I knew what he meant and if we stayed all weekend in bed, it didn’t matter to me.

That weekend was like a honeymoon. When we finally did get up, we had so much fun. We took a ride to a local Christmas village, and the beauty of the snow covered trees just added to the mood of the day. We separated in the store for a while and then when we came back to each other Tony bought me a special ornament, a snow angel with a heart in the center. He had it inscribed, “STARTING OVER”, with the date.

I laughed, “Wait till you see the one I got you!” I handed him his ornament, a knight in shining armor with the words “STARTING OVER” inscribed on his shield. Tony was beaming. We shared a sweet kiss under the mistletoe. I never wanted this weekend to end.

I thought I would make Tony a big country breakfast Sunday morning but he insisted that I relax and he would make breakfast. I was just loving this. As I was looking at the Sunday paper, the doorbell rang.

“Who on earth could that be?” I thought as I closed my robe.

I looked at the side window and lo and behold there was my mother, carrying a bag of bagels to share.

“Open up Julie. What’s going on?”

“Oh nothing Mom,” I lied.

Just then, Tony came out in his pajama bottoms, “Breakfast is ready Julie!”

As their eyes met, there was a negative electricity flow coming from my mother. She was in protective mode now. She could be fierce like a tiger.

“Mom this is Tony.”

My mother looked him over and pursed her lips, “don’t we put clothes on for breakfast anymore?”

“Sorry Mrs. Ramao, I’ll just go and put on some pants, uh…some clothes, uh…I’ll be right back.”

“Mom, please don’t yell at me. I just want this one weekend. Whatever happens after this I’ll deal with it but I just want to be happy for one weekend. Can you understand?”

Mom’s face softened, her eyes looked like they were tearing up, “okay Julie, but I hope you’re willing to pay what this might cost you,” as she picked up her purse to go.

“Where are you going Mom? Please stay for breakfast and at least get to know Tony.”

“No honey, I know the Tony’s of this world. I wasn’t always with your Dad, but that is a story for another day.”

“What?” Before my mother could answer Tony came back in.

“I’m back,” Tony said cheerfully as he brought in the pancakes.”

“Tony,” my mother clenched her fist, “if you ever hurt Julie I’ll find you no matter where you are and I’ll break both your legs!”

Tony looked shocked, “I won’t hurt her Mrs. Ramao, I promise.”

Mom threw up her hand in disgust and then turned and left.

Tony pulled me close to him, “Julie, your Mom’s right in protecting you. But I can’t let you go this weekend, whatever life holds, no one can take this weekend away from us!”