Start to live again

I was recently widowed after many years of being a full-time carer and the last 19 very intense having to cater to all needs of my spouse, so when she passed away my feeling are so mixed part of me happy her pain was over but feeling of guilt to think of being happy at this time also wanting to start living life again after 19 years of having none at all, At 68 I feel I have little chance of any normal time left to share warmness and intimacy happier times and of course laughing and just being in company.

I think some of you if not all will think bad of me to express my feelings and wishes but I wanted to put them in writing and perhaps find some understanding of what I really am feeling right now.

It is another time of loneliness that I always thought would be so different after the passing?

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  1. Sorry for your loss.. But no matter how prepared you think you are your not.. so I think it’s normal to have mixed feelings. I never loss a spouse but took care of my mother to the very end.. and still was not ready to let her go even knowing she would be better off. She always said when I pass move closer to my son .. which I did.. she also always told me life is for the living don’t ever forget that.. you will adjust and get use to the chat room.. I get a good laugh there every day. Hang in there toots.

    1. so sorry for your loss, I think you will have some mixed feelings for a while.I have never lost a spouse, but I have watched my brother after he lost his wife, and also my sister-in-law after we lost my brother….you need time to adjust. You will make plenty of friends, and who knows what lies ahead, Hang in there , and good luck.

  2. Woodsie,
    You have a lot to sort out and all your feelings are normal. Try to be more positive about life. You need to build a new life. The time you have is important even if it is later in life and may be short.

  3. Sorry for your loss, Woodsie – after such a protracted period of caring for your partner it will take
    time to adjust to that loss and to develop a new path/routine for yourself.

    Take time for YOU – think about what is important to YOU and what You want in your life — and go for
    it. None of us know what is around the corner and too often delay doing things – so carpe diem!

    Wish you all the best !

  4. Hello Woodsie…..so sorry for you loss……without a doubt it will have left a huge gaping hole in your life……from having no time for yourself to now having so many hours to fill……baby steps the way to go……take walks, pop in the local….attempt to start conversations with others……be lots willing to chat no doubt….it all takes time and reconditioning your mind to the life you have now………Good Luck…..xx

  5. Hello Woodsie
    This is just an idea
    if you find writing your feelings and wishes down helps write them down just for you then a few months later you can maybe go back to it and re read it again and keep adding things to it.
    It might be hard at first, just write your feelings down, then maybe write your wishes down.
    Then you will be able to see how your dealing with the loss of your wife

  6. Hello Woodsie,
    I lost my soulmate nearly 8 years ago. I had retired early 4 months before so when he died after a short illness , I was absolutely lost. The house was way too big for just me but I was advised not to make any rash move. I felt I had lost my purpose , I didnt have anyone to look after anymore. After a few months I started volunteering in a charity shop. I then took on more volunteering, in hindsight too much. All you can do is to do the next thing. I used to go for walks and would be out for ages. I still walk but mostly to try and keep reasonably fit. It is good to journal, write stuff down , its amazing what comes out. I still sit here and rattle off random thoughts . Take care of yourself and come on here for a chat when you feel the need.

    1. Thank you Sueblue43 I am going to the gym and doing major decorating that has been needed for so long but do rattle about in the evening I have some evenings out to come soon so hope they are good. X

  7. Being widowed is difficult, your life will never be the same again. But you can come out the other side as I have. Life is very different than it used to be but I feel as though I actually have a life now. Keep pushing through 😊


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