SNAKES ALIVE

A friend told me the other day that certain pet shops sell tarantulas and scorpions as pets.
I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous as selling tarantulas and scorpions as pets! Heavens to Betsy – what can you do with a tarantula or scorpion? Cuddle it? Tickle its tummy? Yuck!

Once I was nearly bitten by a coral snake. However, they are not the most poisonous snakes in the world. King Cobra is – you’re dead in five seconds with that snake! You don’t even have time to say “OH RATS,” before you’re gone. Thankfully, King Cobras are not indigenous to Brazil and confine themselves to India.
I learned a great deal about coral snakes when I visited the Butantan Snake Farm in Sao Paulo. How that came about is kind of a fun story.

I used to be Captain of the Rio de Janeiro Lady’s field hockey team, and we’d regularly go up to Sao Paulo City to play against their Ladies’ team. While we were there, they’d billet us, and when they came to play us at home, we did the same for them. Well, I was one player short, so I persuaded my fresh from England friend, Wendy Black, to fill in. Wendy had never even held a hockey stick in her hand and knew absolutely squat about the game. “Never mind,” I reassured her, “Just run around looking as if you’re doing something, and for PETE’S SAKE KEEP OUT OF THE WAY OF THE BALL!”

Now, we knew we’d get beaten by the Sao Paulo ladies, it was just a matter of by how much. They had a forward line consisting of 6 ft. tall Dutch nurses, who’d come barrelling down the field, knocking everyone flying. On a good game, they’d beat us 20-0, and on a bad one – well, we’d lose count! Anyhow, somehow or other, Wendy was a magnet for that rock hard hockey ball and kept getting whacked by it. She’d let out a shriek of anguish, and of course, this instantly drew the attention of the ref who’d blow his whistle and we’d get a foul. We lost BIG TIME as a result, not that anyone cared much.

Wendy and I got billeted at the same home. At around 3.00 a.m. Wendy got a craving for munchies. She was stick thin and ate like a horse – she was ALWAYS hungry. Anyhow, she crept downstairs in the dark, and had her head right inside the fridge seeing if there was anything she could eat, and had a chicken drumstick in one hand, when suddenly, behind her, someone said in a loud voice “CAN I HELP YOU?” Well, Wendy got such a fright that her head shot up, whacking it hard on the top of the fridge. It was our host, needless to say, who’d come down to investigate the noises downstairs. Oh dear, how embarrassing! She surreptitiously slipped the drumstick back into the fridge and said “I was thirsty and was wondering if I could find some iced water.” Yeah, right, like he bought it. Nice man that he was, he offered her some crackers and milk, which she accepted with alacrity.

The main attraction of going to play hockey in Sao Paulo, was that our men’s team would also go and play the Sao Paulo guys, and they’d always put on one heck of a great party after the games were over!! That party more than made up for the ignominious defeat we ladies always suffered due to those huge Dutch nurses – not to mention the bruises and contusions they inflicted on our poor battered bodies!

Next day, I decided to take Wendy to the Butantan Snake Farm. It’s a world famous snake farm that produces anti venom for the entire world. In Morro Velho where I and my family lived, snakes proliferated and I was used to the, but Wendy never seen a live snake and I thought her education was lacking. When we got there, Wendy was ghoulishly fascinated by the snakes. “Oooh look at that one,” she’d shriek. “It stuck its tongue out.”

“It’s smelling you,” I told her.

“With its TONGUE?” She shuddered “How utterly … REVOLTING.”

“Well, if I had you looking at me like that, I’d stick MY tongue out at you.”

At this point, the guide brought out two coral snakes to show us – one was poisonous, the other non-poisonous. He pointed out the differences in them. The poisonous has a triangular head and blue eyes (yeah, like we’d ever get close enough to see the colour of its eyes, right?) and moved slowly (hopefully more slowly than we would, if we ever encountered it). The non-poisonous had a round head, white belly, black eyes and nature compensated for the fact that it wasn’t poisonous by making it move fast. He explained that the venom would only kill someone if they didn’t get an anti venom shot in 14 hours. I translated what he said to Wendy as he went along. She kept moaning and shuddering.

“Would anyone like to hold the non-poisonous one?” he asked.

“Sure,” I volunteered, having always been curious as to what snakes felt like. He handed it over and it coiled itself around my arm in a friendly manner. Well, I was surprised. I’d thought that they’d be cold to the touch, and slimy. They are actually warm, and have a rough, scaly body. “Look Wendy, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” I said, thrusting the snake in her direction, “It’s a really lovely snake.”

Wendy let out an unholy shriek and sank to her knees in a swoon. Big consternation. “What on earth’s the matter with your friend?” I was asked. “She’s English,” I explained. “Oooh,” all my Brazilian compatriots instantly understood what the problem was.

Once Wendy was revived, we went to see the poisonous spiders that were all housed in aquariums. Wendy thought they were stuffed, so she pressed her nose to the glass for a better look, when suddenly the spider jumped. Oh dear me, she swooned again. After reviving her with a cup of strong, black coffee, I decided enough was enough, so took her back to our host’s house.

Anyhow, in this roundabout way, this is how I found out that it takes 14 hours for the poison of a coral snake to kill you which made me feel a heck of a lot better about having nearly been bitten by one. Incidentally, although poisonous, tarantula bites usually don’t kill – unless the person is feeble and in a very poor state of health. I found that out there as well. Mind you, it’s painful and very nasty, but usually not fatal. So if you feel like going to a pet store and buying a tarantula as a pet, by all means do so!

I was very fond of Wendy, but I must admit she was one of these unfortunate people who’s a walking, breathing disaster, whose life is in constant turmoil and upheaval – kind of like Pigpen in Peanuts.