Siblings not easy to like

Recently Maize posted something on the Group Thoughts for the day about sisters. It got me thinking about my relationship with my siblings. I am the eldest of three one sister one brother. I have always got on well with my sister but my brother who is the youngest is another matter. Being the baby of the family he has always been allowed to get away with a myriad of misdemeanours. Although 6 years younger by the time he was 10 we were the same size. From that age he coveted everything I owned those items which I would not let him borrow he took without permission and those he couldn't steal he would find someway to destroy. I know my parents didn't like what he did but they never punished him and in some cases covered up for him. An example of this was when I first started work earning money. I wanted a brown leather jacket it cost £20. At the time my pay was £11 per week it took me 10 weeks to save the £20. I was so happy when I walked out of the shop with it in my bag. A few months later I was posted to another station and left the jacket at home. That was the last I ever saw of it for 20 years. My mam was going through some old photos and there it was on his back. I said to my mam that's my jacket she sheepishly said yes she remembered she told me your brother took it and got paint down it and thought it best not to tell me. A small thing you may think but that was just one out of hundreds of examples I could name.
One would think as he got older things would change and he would grow out of continually wanting what was mine you would be wrong. Even in his mid 50s I have seen him gazing with envious eyes at something new I had acquired.
Am I bitter about my parents letting him get away with so much, no, am I bitter about all the things he has done, no. What I am is disappointed that because of what he did I just don't like him.
Sad I know but even 40 years later the incident with jacket still rankles one day when I get really old I might punch him on the nose and say that's for stealing my brown leather jacket.

He will always be my kid brother and we will get along fine as long as we don't see each other.

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Published in Home & Family

Comments

  1. starlette

    Food for thought on this blog patak……………even though we are probably brought up in the same way as our siblings, characteristics and personalities can differ greatly………..the old saying ” Blood is thicker than water ” is just a saying….but the other one,” You can choose your friends but not your family ” maybe more apt………I don’t think you have lost a brother pat, just a avaricious, spoilt piece of work………your parents did him no favours whatsoever……..xx

    1. patak

      Star, so very true you are right my mam and dad did him no favours. Unfortunately my mam still treats him the same as always and he takes such advantage of her kindness. It upsets both my sister and I but my mam will never listen to us which I have to accept. Ty for your comment. Pat

  2. KayBee

    I can so understand your feelings, Pat. I have had such similar experiences.
    I’m the oldest, my brother was 3 years younger (he died in 2011), and my sister is nine years younger than me.
    My brother was a great man but had some very serious problems, which contributed very much to his early passing. I miss him so much.
    My little sister was kind of like “my baby too” when she was born. We were very close. But like your brother, she was was self-consumed, even as an adult. I know about missing personal possessions, like you do!
    My sister had many issues for years. I know in my heart that I really tried to help her. She lived near me until last year. This is hard to admit and I say it with a broken heart, but I am relieved that she lives far away now. I miss her, but I was to the point that I couldn’t handle the stress of her drama anymore.

      1. tania

        I am the eldest of seven, five brothers and one sister, we all get along quite well together. I think things do tend to change a little after we lose our parents, as we all used to meet at our parents home at weekends. Apart from not actually meeting as much as we are all scattered around the Lake District and Cheshire, we seem to be fine.

        1. patak

          Tania, you are very lucky it must be so nice to have a brother and sisters which you get on with stay close to them.

    1. patak

      Pam my sister lives in another country I believe even when we live so for apart we are closer.

  3. powderpuff

    yes brothers and sisters can be trying. since my parents died I have given up on mine. i kept asking them to come and have a get together family xmas but at the last minute they would say they couldn’t come. then I would find out they had xmas together at their place and didn’t invite me. don’t know what their problem is but I don’t bother to see them now.

  4. laurie

    Thanks Pat, very interesting topic and excellent blog. Like everyone else has been saying, I too can relate to the problem of a very difficult sibling. In our case it’s just the two of us, my sister and me. She lives ten minutes from me and we have not spoken for well over a year and from the looks of things will probably never speak again. She is controlling, manipulative and abusive and has made three generations of our family suffer, our mother, myself and her two children. I am firmly convinced that she put our mother in an early grave.

    1. patak

      Laurie, yes that’s what I am worried about my mother constantly worries about him and i’m sure this will ultimately cause her so much distress it will lead her to her early demise.

      1. laurie

        Pat, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there any way you could speak to your brother and share your concerns about the effect he is having on your mother?

  5. Gael

    I have the brother from hell. He is narcissistic, judgmental, critical and selfish.

    There is a 15 year age gap and we’ve never gotten along because I don’t allow his abusive behaviour and didn’t talk for years.

    He’s old now and who knows how long he has. We did for several years communicate well once I moved here to Ireland. The distance helped, but once again he got out of hand and I cut him off.

    But time is going and I don’t want it to end with us estranged to the bitter end so I will reach out to him by Christmas, offering an olive branch or in this case i guess a holly branch.