SIBLING ABUSE

I have a very retentive memory – my earliest recollection goes back to when I was just one year old.

We had a blue Model A pedal car, complete with rumble seat, where I sat, while my 4 years older sister pedalled the car in front.

One day, we were all out in the garden. My sister and I were in the pedal car, while my parents chatted to a couple of visitors who’d dropped by.

My sister suddenly pedalled the car around the corner, out of my parents’ sight, got out of the car, and deliberately tipped it over, sending me flying onto the gravel pathway. I remember the pain of the gravel cutting into my body, causing me to howl with pain.

Mummy came rushing around the corner, demanding to know what happened. “The car fell over,” my sister said. I knew it hadn’t, but at the age of one, I still couldn’t talk. Mummy picked me up and took me back to the house to tend to my injuries. Over her shoulder, I looked down at my sister. She was hugging herself with delight, and had a satisfied smirk on her face.

My sister envied and hated me from birth. In all the years we spent under the same roof, she bullied and abused me, both physically and emotionally.

At one point, we lived in a house that had a walled in swimming pool. It didn’t have a filtration system, so my sister and I were ordered by my father (who had a hair trigger temper) to shower prior to swimming, in the shower stall located at the foot of the steps leading up into the pool area. One day it was hot, and I was in a hurry to get into the cool water of the pool, so I didn’t shower, but just jumped in.

My sister (aged 14 by this time) immediately got out of the pool, ran to Dad and told him I’d failed to shower first. Before I knew what was happening, Dad hauled me out of the pool BY MY HAIR, gave me such a beating that I lost control of my bladder, and urinated all over the floor.

My sister soon learned to use Dad as a weapon against me. “If you don’t do as I say, I’ll get you into trouble with Dad” she’d say. Being as strong willed as she was, I’d refuse to be bossed by her, so she’d run to Dad and say “JoJo said a swear word.” He never once bothered to check whether or not it was true – he’d just rush in and give me a beating. She’d watch me getting beaten with a satisfied smirk on her face. Afterwards she’d come over to me and say “Serves you right – you should’ve done what I told you,” and the terrifying part of it is SHE REALLY BELIEVED IT.

And her abuse carried on into our adulthood. My husband often said to me “Why in the hell do you have anything to do with this noxious woman?” Well, today I don’t. I cut off all association with her, and life is a great deal more pleasant without her poisonous emails and nasty put downs.

I really believe my sister is a sociopath, because she has absolutely no conscience. She’s done and said really dreadful things, and doesn’t feel the least regret for them. In fact, she refuses to acknowledge any of her abuse, and as for apologizing for it, all hell would freeze over before she’d do that.

Today I am physically handicapped, relying on a walker and/or a scooter to get around. This is the legacy I have of the abuse I suffered from my father and sister dearest. Bones don’t forget old injuries.

You know what they say – we can choose our friends, but we can’t choose our families.

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  1. Oh Jo Jo my heart goes out to that little precious child that you were, yes for sure she is a phsicopath , no doubt in my mind, but kalma does have a way of ctching up with people like that,
    I have or had I asould say the same way, and she delighted in puttin gme down in front of others, and still istelling lies aboutme to anyone that listens ,i just feel sorry for them , they do nthave happiness in theior lives, the ssad thing is they cause so much pain to others and dont seem to care, no hearts ,no compassion and no qualms, butit,s your sisters loss not yours, you are a wonderful person , and you only have to speak with you to know that, there is a special, me inside of you ,just realise thata ahun and your halfway to realising that no matter what they say or do you are that special ((ME)) XXX

    1. Thanks so much Lani – you have such an innate goodness and kindness in you. I appreciate your friendship. I’m sorry you have experienced the same kind of downright meanness with your sister – I think it’s important to realize that such people have low self esteem and hate themselves.

      Thanks for commenting.

  2. Jojo, I really do feel for you. I have only one, younger sister and we didn’t get on well when we were kids….but it wasn’t anything like your childhood. We just wound each other up constantly, we are chalk and cheese.We went to the same convent school, I was the goody girl, worked hard, was conscientious, always did the right thing. She was the rebel, secretly smoked,did her own thing and left school as soon as she could.
    She was good at arguing, she can hurt with a few words,I become emotional and ended up weepy.We went to parties,she found out everything about everybody in a short time…..me? of course, I ended up in the kitchen talking recipes and helped to tidy up. There was enormous sibling rivalry and jealousy,She envied my career, I resented her attractiveness and ease with strangers.
    But that was a lifetime ago and a lot has happened. She supported me through some disastrous relationships,I helped her through the death of her husband, the love of her life. We reached out for each other when our lovely parents died within days of each other. Now we meet often, speak almost every day, go on holiday together. I really appreciate her, love her, my sister and best friend.

    1. Hi Maize – in most families, there is inevitably always a measure of sibling rivalry, but in your case, you and your sister resolved it, and are today what sisters are supposed to be – best friends. Unfortunately, that will never be the case with my sister – she steadfastly refuses to admit she abused me, and as for apologizing for it – not until all hell freezes over.

      I am delighted you and your sister are close today – that’s wonderful.

      Thanks so much for commenting.

  3. JoJo, what a horrendous childhood you had…………..I find it so hard to believe there are people who can actually be so cruel…………of course I know there are……….read about them everyday in the newspapers………….no doubt about it, your sister and father both had megga mental health issues……….don’t know where your mother fitted in, but I would imagine your fathers word was final………..sorry you have been left with the legacy of your abuse…………but yes, Kharma will have it’s say. Much love to you. xxx

    1. Hi Starlette – yes my childhood was exactly what you said – horrendous. But the real monster was my father who never controlled his temper, and taught his apt pupil, my sister, just how to hurt me, both physically and emotionally.

      Thanks so much for commenting.

  4. jojo I really feel for you..Tears came to my eyes when I read your blog I can’t say I know how you feel because I have never gone threw that as a child….there is only 18 mnths between my sister and myself….. we used to argue fall out scrap but then we would be friends, even today we have our moments but every day we speak on the phone….she’s there when ever I need her and same other way round, so jojo it must have been a terrible time for you and I glad you got a loving husband to see you threw all this hurt …god bless you jojo…..(((((hugs))))))) xx

    1. Hi Yorkshire Rose – I’m glad yours was a happy childhood and that you have a wonderful relationship with your sister. I think perhaps the fact that there was only 18 months difference in age, was a contributing factor – she didn’t have a huge advantage over you like mine did (over 3 years).

      I have been blessed with a wonderful loving husband and 3 wonderful children.

      ((( hugs))) back to you to sweetie and thanks for posting.

  5. I get where your coming from. I had two older sisters like that. A mum who would clout me, but nothing on the scale of your suffering. It was my 40th birthday party when the worm (me) finally turned and answered them back when they tried to ruin it. Of course in their minds it was all my fault and stopped speaking to me. Telling the family how bad i was etc. Thankfully the rest of my family weren’t evil bitches like them. The 1st christmas I thought I would be so miserable. On the contrary. It was wonderful being me, doing what I wanted. Not having to wait on them and spend a fortune just for the pleasure of being invited to their home. Even when my mum died in april they said the most awful things about her and me. I’m not a person who hates and bears grudges, but i hope what goes around, comes around for them. And for your sister also. You are better off without people like that in your life. Go girl!

    1. Wow, you had TWO nasty older sisters? That’s a double whammy blinker! The fact that they go around spreading lies about you to my mind indicates: 1) for some reason they feel envious and threatened by you; and 2) they are very unhappy with themselves. Happy people spread good feelings and happiness, the unhappy ones project their own negative feelings about themselves onto others.

      Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your own experience with us.

  6. so sorry jojo to hear about your terrible childhood I had only 1 sister we were 11 months apart but we loved eachother and were so close my problem was our father he was an alcoholic bigtime my mother had to be with her mother for a week when her father died while my mother was gone our father tried to molest my sister and myself I was 9 years old and my sister only 8 he even tried to molest my brother it was a terrible week that to this day ill never forget we had to live in shaks wear terrible clothing never had enough to eat this is only a fraction of my life as a child and its something ive shared with only a few people my mother lived a horrible life with my dad also beatings that were unmerciful only god could have protected us from death I wont say anymore about it but just want to share a little bit of my life with you im glad your ok now but sorry that you are handicapped from your abuse id like to be your frien jojo thanks for sharing your story

    1. Wow Chantilly,

      Compared to what you, your sister and brother went through with your Dad, I had it easy. I know an abusive childhood scars the individual for life, but we have to rise above it and refuse to allow it to define us as individuals in our own right. I hope things are safer and happier for you today. God bless sweetie and thanks for commenting.

  7. So sorry for all of you who have suffered in your childhood. I also had two younger sisters who made my life miserable – and still do. They both had sex with my husband, the youngest for most of my married life, which I have stated before. I am the eldest of 5 and only speak to a brother whom I love dearly. I will never speak to my sisters ever again. Like you said jojo, we can’t choose our family, but it is so sad what some of them do to us. Stay strong and take care xox