Senior Relationships , Do You Want Love With That ?
Senior relationships ; a lonely heart it’s a longing heart .
A few weeks back in different blogs we discussed about ,”love “. “Sensual /sexual intimacy ” and ” happiness ” .
I’ve learnt a lot from those blogs and I hope that others did too
In conclusion I believe that love is a feeling and as such it never dies or ages .
If anything it has the ability to grow and renew itself till the day we die .
There’s a myriad ways of loving ,and being loved and life experiences and circumstances have some effect on how we deal with relationships of the heart .
But the greatest influence ,in my opinion …comes from within ,
We are all born with feelings they are part of us ,human creatures ,we can’t change that! …But we have the freedom to choose how we deal with them .
We also talked about sensual / sexual intimacy …the power of human touch , and the use of all our senses in the way we communicate with our loved ones .
We also agreed that sex is a physiologic need not only for the continuation of the species but also for our own physical and emotional health .
And then …we talked about Happiness ,what is happiness and whether it’s possible to reach the Nirvana stage of pure bliss and fulfillment in our lives .
Needless to say ,we have had different opinions on these subjects ,but most of us would agree ,that we humans are highly social beings. We like to be surrounded by friends and share our personal experiences with them .
We need to feel appreciated and valued by the people who are important to us and by society in general . And most importantly I think we need love in our lives .
We need to love and feel loved .
Now the tricky question :
If loving relationships of the romantic type could greatly improve our quality of life .
Why then …there are so many of us seniors still single ?
At this time and age ,with the wonders of the internet and the click of a button ,we connect instantly with thousands around the world …there’s no doubt that this facility has brought us together and has a positive influence in our lives
However though when we log off ,we find that we are still alone , still longing perhaps ,for a real life companion ?
“Loneliness of the heart can only be satisfied with the warmth and love of another heart”
This is my opinion …what do you think ?
nmod, A quick thought. YES, I agree. I also believe that SEX is the center of existence. We may not like it but that is a fact. Every individual here is here due to that act. So, there has to be some bundles of DNA devoted to making that happen. Mother Nature is NOT a tut tutting, finger pointing old lady or is GOD a mean old man that cursed us all for biting the forbidden fruit.
But, you cannot fool mother nature, so somewhere deep down there is a yearning for the connection that gives lives in spite of the fact that our bodies are beyond giving life, or may be beyond performing the act, the hard wired bundles of DNA are mostly still there, about the last to go.
You’ve said it all Rose ! Thanks for your comment .
People are living to a greater age so hence more and more people are going to be alone, statistics tells us that more people are getting divorced later in life, lot easier today than it was many years ago. In time gone by 40 was classed as being old, how times have changed, women especially have realised there could be many years still ahead to live, and therefore are opting out of dead loveless relationships/marriages…….human contact is something most would agree is pretty high on the list for contentment and happiness…….whether we like it or not in the big scheme of things man needs women and women needs man……….was a very clever plan to ensure that the human race would never become extinct……
Human contact it’s essential for the survival of the species ,we need each other ,we are after all highly social beings .
All life on this planet has that hard wired self perpetuation imperative. Humans are not unique in that.
As to why so many single seniors, I suspect they are divided into two main groups. First, the “I’ll never find another one likes that” or the subgroup of “It would be a betrayal to take on another”.
Then there’s the second group and i can sum up their problem in one word. Trust, or lack of it. Rightly or wrongly they find it hard to trust (and on the internet who can blame them?)
So some will take a chance and be happy or disappointed. Others will not and still be either happy or lonely.
Trying to analyse emotions is always a losing proposition, so why try? Let people be and do what they are and leave it at that.
I agree with you about the categories we fall into ,I would say I fall into the first one . Right or wrong it’s hard to say ,been on my own 25 years now and never thought myself as ” lonely “.
I wonder though if I’ve been in denial all these years ,or perhaps I was not ready to move on . As you say , not use to try to analyze emotions !
I think it is possible to be single and happy ,as it’s also possible to not feel lonely , if we can still have some kind of affection in our lives ,children, grand children ,pets , friends , etc .
you forgot the group that says,” been there , done that, it was great but so painful when lost, not getting that involved ever again.”
I think this expression in the English language suits best as an answer to this question:
** different strokes to different folks **
As much as I would like love in my life, and the times I am oh so lonely, I would still prefer being by myself than with someone who irritates me. I do what ever I want, when ever I want, and answer to no one.
In my past I have had so many controlling people in life, and I dont want to be in that situation again.
Your question of why are so many seniors alone? I think it is because as we grow, we like to live our own lives, we become set in our ways.
In my case …… I just wont take anyone’s $hit anymore !!!!
I agree with you PollyPie…..I enjoy female company,but there,s none here that I want to be married to,for much the same reasons…Irritating…Controlling….Living in my pocket.
Well said PollyPie………it’s far better to be alone than to be with someone you are unhappy with……….personally speaking I think have the best of both worlds………. I was widowed at 35 and never had any desire to remarry although I could have done so, this wasn’t because I had a bad marriage, couldn’t move on or he couldn’t be replaced.I have someone in my life but we do not live together, have no wish to, we have been together 15 years, do everything a married couple would, but I like my own space and do not like to be crowded………many many people have said to me that they wish they had never married and that they think I have the perfect set up……..but of course it has to work for you both…………some people just have to have the marriage license to feel more secure and committed…………now this may sound a bit morbid but I would marry him if he was on his death bed and that was his wish………Oh Lordy …….heaven forbid………xx
Oh , Star it doesn’t sound morbid at all ,it sounds kind of nice and caring that you would do that for your partner ,it really shows of your commitment to him!
I tend to think also that a “live out ” relationship would suit many people our age .
In the olden days women were more dependent on the men in their lives as they usually were the bread winners and women housekeepers .
Nowadays though women are more independent .and able to provide for themselves . Therefore they have more freedom .
Waylander, I think there is a third group of single women. A group of widows mostly, who are on their own for the first time in their life, and they just love the independence of it all. Iftruth was known, they could be real, real tired of all that marriage means. I think I have a sister like that, and my girl friend told me about her mother and a group of her friend that just were DONE with marriage. After 40 to 50 years I can imagine that some women are just DONE. Maybe, some men are also just DONE, but men usually are never done with the sexual part.
Also we could say as PollyPie states ,that many seniors are single by choice!
It seems that even when we all know how beautiful can be to be in a loving caring relationship and the many benefits it could bring to our lives ,physically ,emotionally ,and even financially , (two pensions is better than one ! Lol ) .Many of us are not prepared to trade our freedom for that !
The saying ;”Nothing feels as good as freedom does ” rings true to many !
Life can become pretty difficult to women when they are getting older. They need a shoulder to lean on more than a man I can imagine?
Many things they are unable to do because they are still bad manner and I think it is quite reasonable for them if they find a partner they can share their daily tasks with.
that’s really sexist….men are the ones who are lost w/o a woman when they get older. Most can’t cook, have little or no idea how to use major appliances, know squat about shopping for food or any home goods and have a horribly difficult time just existing from day to day. Really in truth, all old people have a hard time, they do need somebody to turn to for help, care, affection and all the basic human “needs”. Many, many men just give up an sink into extreme depression, then they die. Read the facts before you make assumptions. lol
If I understand your comment correctly you reduce the female
part in a after marriage partnership down to a domestic help??
What else does a man need? Oh yes nice talks he can get at the
patrol station, hip pub, hairdressers i.c.
His maybe needed sheet affarirs he can rinp up by the 24hrs help
service from the SSHS ( Sexual Satisfaction Help Service )??
Interesting thoughts you bring in here Tess, very interesting indeed.
Oh ,Michael I think we got lost in translation ,again !
I’m sure you don’t mean to say men don’t need women in their lives as we women don’t mean to say that we are better off without men !
We are all different ,and we all have needs and wants and dreams and desires .
At our age we might be more cautious ,when starting new relationships , some of us will give it a try , others won’t . It all depends of many things . There’s not right or wrong ,we are all unique .
As for the SSHS …lol I didn’t know something like that existed!
See ? …We are never too old to learn !!!
were u born a jack ass or did you just get that way as you aged? Not that I give a single damn, just curious. Clearly you can’t endure being disagreed with, that’s just sad. Being you must suck.
Well men are handy to have around for the DIY jobs, they have the tools required…hehe…………in all seriousness I do know men who still have wife’s and they wouldn’t have a clue how to switch on the washing machine or cook, but very often the kitchen is the woman’s domain and she does not want any one in it, as the man would not want anyone in his man shed……my grandsons grand dad lost his wife a couple of years ago and he didn’t even know if the cooker was electric or gas, my grandson taught him how to cook some basic meals………do we want men in the kitchen, do we want to go in their sheds, not me…………..but I do think the modern man now undertakes all these tasks because very often both partners work, so has to be done…..communication emotional support, physical contact, care are all basic needs for us all………I don’t know if men cope better when they lose a partner, but what I do see is that very often men in general seem to be back in a relationship a lot quicker than a lot of women……….just an observation, and I wouldn’t put anyone down for doing this, life can be lonely when you are left alone………..but life goes on whether you can cook or not, you aint gonna starve…. plenty of chippies and kebab shops around……..lol xx
Yes , plenty of pre-cooked meals around to satisfy anybody’s hunger ! As for DIY yourself jobs , well it all depends what kind of jobs you are thinking of doing yourself … I agree some jobs would be better done by the man in you life !
No Norma I don’t think we got lost in translation. A partnership for me means
a matter of definition. A relationship for me means being able to do the same job
as my partner does. I’m strictly against splitting the partnership in; * that’s your job
and this is mine.**
That will never work out specialy not if unsafe situation occur like the ** stay in
hospital ** for a certain time for instance.
I can only speak for myself and have to say I would have hated it when my wife
stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and I would to have asked one of her sisters for
help.
Vice versa I was very, very happy my wife could replace in the office me when I
was on business abroad.
No I think in a successful partnership both sides should learn from eachother
and that makes it so difficult to find an equivalent when one is no longer there.
Perhaps I see it that way because I was raised in the country and on a farm every hand
was needed in all of the 4 seasons of the year.
Star in her comment explains the character of one of my good brothers. He lived
his live like an eunuch ** who knows how things should go, but he could never do it. **
Means he knew how to nail a wall but he could even hold the hammer himself. xxM
NB: SSHS= a brothel!!
Good explanation Michael ,thank you ! You are a very interesting person !
When I say lost in translation I mean that sometimes… the way you use your words give us the wrong idea on how to interpret your message .
I agree with you that both parties in a relationship are better equipped if they are self sufficient !