Self Assessmet …. Letter to the taxman
Dear Mr Taxman or Woman or species or whatever you are ,
I am very sorry that I have not completed my 2015/16 tax return – I did start out with good intentions but you see life got in the way
I had all my documents saved neatly in a precious envelope marked very clearly TAX Information, I even had a USB drive with an earnings spread sheet on made especially for such an occasion as this but sadly my precious envelope and spread sheet is either lost, stolen, got up and walked, or binned and I am very sorry I do not know which it is.
Believe me this is not tax evasion or avoidance, I am not a multi millionaire with offshore accounts and a dodgy accountant I am just one of the minions with a lap top a bad memory and/or a dodgy home filing system. I have nothing to hide except my insanity and pending alcoholism brought about by your sodding self assessment tax return.
As a socialist I believe in paying my taxes and have indeed already paid tax that has been ever so wisely used to fund arms and pay millionaire MPs expenses.
Please advise me of what to do next
I await your reply with a bottle of vino and some bloody good music!
Yours faithfully
Carol Wilson
PS you may be interested to know that because of you I am now wearing my Echo Falls and have hit the hard stuff…… homebrew (no I am not bootlegging honest guv!)
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I did, for a short period, work for a governments department. I don’t know about the tax office, but the department I worked for used to absolutely LOVE it when we got letters like that. In a soul destroying job where most of the people didn’t agree with half the rules we had to impose on the public they were a small ray of sunshine and a source of some hilarity when passed round.
Again, no idea about the tax office, but we used to move heaven and earth to try to help the writers.
How refreshing to hear you say this waylander, when so many of us would see such departments as the black cloud department, where the operators had no feelings… we need to know more about such departments with good guys and ladies.
Haaaaa…..keep hitting the hard stuff………but remember if you don’t sort your muddle out for the due date you will be hit with a fine………..or you could take up with an MP and learn a few tricks of the trade…..should the latter come to fruition, please do not hesitate to blog again and inform us of the relevant info we need to avoid paying the damn taxes….
🙂
I have read, and must say that I enjoyed your story of your fictitious communications with the Tax Man – a truly enjoyable read I must say – but I can just imagine the response you would receive from your tax man it would be something like Oh, Carol really?!
hahahahahahahaha If it had have been Monday and not Sunday, I really would have sent that letter LOL then it would have been more like Ohoh Carol 🙂
haha thanks for the laughs
You’re welcome 🙂 I did type it out of frustration – good thing it was a Sunday.
hahahahaha
Cant wait til Mondays Blog lol
Dear Carol
What a wonderful bit of writing, I have to say it made me laugh, as I could feel the frustration and even resentment shining through. I have had to in the past fill out tax forms as I worked for myself for many years. I think many of us do play a game with these, why I still don’t know, maybe its warping back to school days being a naughty kid.. so that begs why a naughty kid?
Are you sure you are not the director of a big multinational company, now come on give us a heads up… also have you ever tried a spell on stage as your story’s would have us all on the floor…. love it.