Secrets, Covering, May EQUAL Cowering
What is the BIGGEST SECRET that you are hiding? I don’t expect you to tell me. You may tell one that you hid and you may tell how that secret controlled your life and destroyed you as a person. This may help someone else who is still hiding a BIG SECRET and COWERING. Some secrets are HUGE and some are a SET of small secrets like shameful parents, domestic discord or abuse or infidelity, job situations, religious beliefs, sexual acts, and on and on. These SECRETS destroy your peace of mind, your sense of self worth, and you capacity to GROW and THRIVE.
Hiding takes energy and restricts our movement. There is no doubt in my mind about that. You may say it is your business and nobody else’s and I agree; so why are you hiding and covering? WHY hide? So what DO YOU DO?
Don’t hide from yourself. Don’t hide from people who care about you and may need to know. If it was in child hood, and that is where a lot of crippling secrets come from, deal with it, learn from it and let go of it. If it is past and nothing can be done, learn from it and let go. If it is present and continuing, take responsibility for it and own it. By doing that you may share all the rest of you that is terrific.
You may drink too much, be having an affair, have a messy house, smoke, be anorexic, or obese, any number of things, but you only see one part of yourself. If you drink and feel worthless and hide it, you have to lie, blame others, for example. I had a brother who drank openly. He functioned, filled the house with people, and worked hard.I know other people who drank and hid and had no life and let other people be blamed for problems caused by their drinking and hiding it. I knew a family, really nice people, who hid the fact that a son was epileptic; destroyed the son’s personality.I had a friend who had a daughter who was epileptic and she just handled it like any other medical issue and the daughter thrived. I am sure you have your own examples and maybe you can look at other people more clearly than you can look at yourself. You may have succeeded too well in keeping your secret or covering your secrets.
I have had my secrets, and I know of that which I speak. There was a study done to assess how many secrets different groups were keeping. They all were keeping at least 40% of major issues secret or covered. You and I are not the only ones. A lot of the secrets that we have are beyond our control and we need to say this is me and it is just none of your business, but if you find out and think less of me; then you are not a worthy human being, and keep your chin up and your chest out.
I am winding this up. If we have stuff we need to improve, that is also our business as long as it does not restrict your rights, then it is not your business either. Show up sober, don’t smoke in my presence, use respectful language, etc. and we can work or share life together. Even if you love a person very much, if you focus on their PROBLEM, you can never enjoy all the rest of them. YES, it is hard but sometimes, the elephant in the room can leave space for a lot of other things, and there are other rooms and a big world around us,
Please live freely and try not to dissipate your energy or resources on keeping secrets, covering and cowering. Know yourself and to yourself be true.
Recommend0 recommendationsPublished in Senior Chatters
Hello Rose, well I think would be very few of us who do not have some skeletons in the cupboard, i for one do not think it is necessary to reveal all to friends family and any man/women who should come into our life. If anyone has secrets that are affecting their every day life and wellbeing then the thing to do would be to seek help from the appropriate sources……..in the meantime my can of worms stays firmly closed……hehe…..xx
Well said starlette. Thank you for your comment. There could be a discussion about “appropriate sources”. Maybe, a close friend may be all you have and all you need, for example.
I’m sure you mean well, butG you’re getting far to close to Jeremy Kyle with that one Rose.
I’ve talked with supposed “experts” and they were useless. Opening up to amatures, especially in the context of a chat site is not something I would do, nor would I recommend it to anyone.
Waylander, I don’t think you are reading me right nor can I be sure what you are saying. I googled Jeremy Kyle, and now I understand better.
I agree that “EXPERTS” are sometime useless.
I disagree that people can not open up to others on a chat site. It is all about trust.
I am meeting people on a chat site and they live in places near and far. I don’t blab secrets to any of them, but I may if the situation arises and if the trust and connection grows. I have also had people confide in me, and know that I would understand and never exploit them in any way.
If we cannot trust anyone, Way, life is pretty rough.
I don thave any secrets Bloom , but it must be a hard way to live , to constantly have to hide something you dont want found out….. I for one believe in getting it all out there, it heals the soul and calms the heart….I have had close friends confide secrets they have hidden for years and would never repeat what I had heard to
a living soul, thats true friendship, and I know that if I had they would give me the same love and support ….xx
Lani, “heals the soul and calms the heart”, spoken like a poet. Some of us agree and some don’t and that is the way it is.
You know me well bloom lolxx however never on a chat site …..
I do not a chat site is the place to tell secrets if you have any that is. Who wants everybody to know their intimate secrets?
tania, some people have shared secrets on this site, and I respect their reasons, I also respect you and others who feel that it is not the right place. Some people just say “I am here and this is who I am”. They feel unless you know this big part of them, you cannot Know them at all, or at least that is what I think they feel.
If people have a secret so terrible that their lives are being affected by it .I doubt it very much that they will divulge it here ,or anywhere else for that matter .
This is my opinion only ,and I will say people will probably tell something they’ve done and they are not happy about . Some “acceptable “secret .
As for any big ones , I think most will take them to the grave with them .
🙂
nmod. I am sure that many secrets will go to the grave, but many secrets are only “terrible in perception”. Usually, a secret is shared when a person gains enough strength to unburden themselves.
True Rose ,as it’s also true that to be able to “unload “would be truly liberating !
However though there are many reasons why people won’t tell .
It could be a trust issue , lack of courage ,sometimes it’s simply a promise they’ve made to others not to ever tell !
Michael, Talking in their sleep has not kept men from much, but I believe you if you say so. Most men have lots of secrets. I do believe.
Yes Rose and many men have nightmares out of this reason. Just to get presents for any occasion cost me hours of sleep.
And the word; forgive and forget seldom exist for the majority of women. So I prefer a 8hrs deep sleep per night.
nmod. Most of us seem to be agreeing that unloading a secret is very liberating and that is one thing that I want discussed.
Sorry Rose to say that but I could never afford to secretes during my time of marriage cos I talk in my dreams. Far to risky I would say. But as ever a good blog.xxM
LOL Michael. How awful for you 😆 😆
Yes Polly but very healthy!
You are right Michael. Women are not too forgiving of infidelity, but in the rare case that a woman is unfaithful, men may be less forgiving. I will admit, that I totally could not comprehend love, commitment and unfaithful. It also isn’t a matter of forgiveness, if there is infidelity, there is no relationship. The foundation crumbles.