SCHOOL BULLIES
SCHOOL BULLIES
None of us will ever forget that dreadful day, Tuesday, April 20, 1999, when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went into Columbine High School and massacred twelve students and one teacher, and, following this horrendous act, killed themselves. When tragedies of this magnitude happen, we usually remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard about it.
I was at the hairdressers, getting my hair cut. Her radio was on softly, and when the newsreader started relating the story, she cranked up the sound, and the entire salon went silent. After it was over, the only sound in that salon was of quiet crying, as some of us wept for the victims and their families. I also wept for the two boys who committed this heinous act.
What drove them to do it? Why would two normal, healthy boys, arm themselves to the teeth and go on a killing spree? I cannot believe that this was a senseless, random act of violence.
There is absolutely no excuse for what these two boys did. None. But perhaps by understanding what drove them to it, it might help us to take measures to prevent it from happening again. I think schools have to make sure no student in the future, is subjected to the emotional and physical abuses that those boys endured daily in school that made life so intolerable to them, that they were determined to seek revenge and end their own lives.
I’m talking about bullying. It was subsequently revealed that both Eric and Dylan were victims of this kind of peer abuse.
Children are bullied every day in schools all over the world. My own son was, so I remember only too well the torment of knowing it was going on, yet being helpless to do anything about it. The boys in his school threw rocks at him, called him names and refused to sit next to him in class. He was deeply wounded and bewildered by it and asked me “Why do they hate me, Mum?” I told him over and over again, they had absolutely no reason to hate him. I told him it wasn’t his fault; that kids can be cruel, mean and vicious for no reason at all – but to this day, he blames himself for it. Being shunned and ostracized by his peer group was devastating to his self respect and self confidence. While it was going on, I knew that if I intervened and complained to the Principal, it would just make things much worse for him, because he would’ve been labelled a “snitch” and a “Mama’s boy.”
For a start, the people who can put an end to school bullying, are the schools themselves. I’ve heard that since Columbine, some school have instituted zero tolerance for bullying and I hope this is being adopted by schools everywhere, because bullying happens in every school yard.
But this in itself is hard for schools to enforce, because so much bullying goes on in secret places where educators can’t see what’s going on. Nor are they likely to hear about it either, because of the code of silence that the Mafiosi call “omuerta” that prevails in every school yard. To be labelled a “snitch” is to lose all respect from the peer group, which to a child, is worse than enduring the bullying.
So where does prevention have to start? Obviously it has to start in the home. Parents and society in general have to adopt an implacable stand that any and all forms of bullying is a despicable, cowardly act which won’t be tolerated and any child/teenager engaging in it, will face disciplinary measures.
And it wouldn’t come a moment too soon either. Maybe if such a rule had prevailed back then, the Columbine tragedy might not have taken place.
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Both my boys were bullied Jojo. One because he was a martial artist and was afraid to use it in case he caused real damage and the other because, at 14, he was 6 foot 5.
Both were “different” and that’s all it takes. I was helpless to do much about it beyond supporting them at home.
Luckily both dealt with it in their own way and have come out the other end as balanced adults, but it could so very easily have gone a differently.
Most schools in the UK now have a zero tolerance policy for bullying, but, as you say, there is not much they can do unless the bullied come forward. That is starting to happen here now. The code of silence, as you put it, is being broken more regularly and when one does, others follow.
Columbine was a tragedy. With luck and hard work, hopefully, it will not be repeated.
Just caught up with what’s been happening lately, and was interested in comments on bullying. As a teacher, I feel I could deal with bullying matters,-you get kids, and parents round a table and deal with matters sesitively but firmly. But so much bullying now comes by texts, emails etc-it feels like fighing smoke.
Thanks for your comment Way and I’m sorry your sons were bullied. You are absolutely right, that just being “different,” even minimally, makes a kids a target for bullying. I’m so glad your sons were able to deal with it and emerge as well balanced adults.
My own son did not come out of it whole, poor lad. He took the blame on his shoulders, and withdrew from a peer group whose cruelty he couldn’t understand or endure, into his own little world where they could no longer hurt him. The damage done to his self esteem is irreparable, even after years and years of psychiatric care.
I am so glad things are changing in UK schools and that kids are being encouraged to break the code of silence so that bullies are taken to task as they should be.
Thanks again for your comment.
How I feel sooo very lucky I never had to deal with anything like this,my sons school days where very happy,and up to now so has my granddaughters she is 12yrs old I do worry about it for her,but somehow I feel if they are good at sports it helps a lot in being accepted in the school life,both my son and granddaughter where and are very good in that field,or may be its the school,it has always had zero tolerance to bulling and my son is 40 now and my granddaughter goes to the same one as he did,
It is every parent and grand parents nightmare
Hi Marjie,
Thanks so much for your comment. I am so glad none of your family members were bullied and I entirely agree that athletic kids as a rule don’t get bullied.
Jojo – very nice commentary. I have never bullied, nor will I ever. I could go on and on with stories about my children dealing with bullying. Unfortunately, there are many adults who are bullies, as well. I can see that Marjie is right about the fact that children who are athletic do not get bullied. Neither of my children were athletic, and both got bullied to some extent. And, yes, the children who are blessed with being athletic seem to receive a free pass against bullying. Thanks for posting.
You are absolutely right bluesky, there are adults who are bullies. My own father was a bully and a man with a hair trigger temper. I was terrified of him, and was 21 before I screwed up the courage to stand up to him. Once I did this, he never struck me again, but the emotional abuse escalated.
I learned there and then that the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. But with kids in schools, bullies tend to run in gangs, and one small child against a gang of bullies doesn’t stand a chance.
That’s why zero tolerance for bullying is to my mind, an absolute must in each and every school in the world.
Thanks so much for your comment.
I was not in the least “sporty” I was a fat child,but my senior school years where so happy I loved it,not an academic ether,but loved to be in school plays,although i hated myself,being fat not clever, in plays I could be someone else when I was playing a part and I really think if you can at least join one of the communities in school life ,what ever that may be sport,drama,poetry,music you at least have that part of the school community to be there for you .I have had problems all my life and still do with self image,and had a lot of therapy,for depression and how I think people perceive me,I think I was a real target for bullies looking back,but somehow being in school plays,speech days and even the school quire although could not and still can’t sing “protected me” somehow.I agree with you i do think the most “protected” area in school life is if you are good at sports,my son was a popular student, I hope not only because he was very good at all sports and academically good(dont no how he came to be all this may be I picked up the wrong baby in hospital lol) but as well I told him my side of how school life was for me,I often now joke with my granddaughter how she gets her “sports abilities” from her Gran but she tells me I’m just fine as I am my be some day I will be able to agree with her.
i was picked on for 3yrs. until ijust stood up to them. now i see these same people everyday and they ended up being repaid by HE WHO SITS ON HIGH.