Safety Instructions.

I was thinking today,of the sometimes odd or rediculous instructions we are given…For instance…
In an aircraft….
1…The seatbelt is fastened thus,and unfastened thus……..Geez Louise,if you dont know how to do that,you shouldnt be allowed outside your house.
2…When the aircraft comes to a stop( after the crash)..a row of lights on the floor will guide you to the nearest exit…….Hmmmm,I spose thats remotely possible…you,ve survived the crash,now you are looking for christmas lights.
3…Oxygen masks will drop,place it over your face and breath normally……BREATH NORMALLY!!!..The plane is going down ,for heavens sake!
4…After a water landing,your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device..feel free to keep it as a souvenier…..Gee,Thanks a bunch!

Which led me to recall what I was told as a kid about a neucliar attack.
1..Do not look at the flash,eye damage may result.
2…If caught outside,lay down in the gutter with your feet away from the flash.
3…If time permits,paint the windows with white paint,to reflect the flash.
4…Vaccuuming of fallout should be done by someone above child bearing age.
5…After the holocaust,services such as Fire,Ambulance and Hospitals may be temporally disrupted.

Sir Humphrey Appleby would have been proud…lol.