Rob’s Poll — What Will It Say Of Us?

I hope it says that we welcome new members, that we do not simply pay lip service to the concept. It is one thing to post a welcome in the Shout Box or to request or accept friendship with all new members, and then have no further contact with them. Do we really take the time, make an honest effort, to give something of ourselves? Do we write personal messages to those we can see are struggling with the site, those who are so obviously lonely, those we don’t see in chat, or who come in once, get ignored and never come back? I hope so.

What will it say of us if we vote to keep new people from accessing private chat unless they are our ‘Friends’? I hope we can all think back to our first days on SC. For some, who may be more accustomed to being in a like environment, I’ve heard it said, “it’s a chat site, what do they expect?” That may be a narrow view, a refusal to put oneself in the place of someone who is venturing into totally unfamiliar waters.

What better way than to allow new members to access private chat to show that we welcome them in every way. Please think about it. There can be nothing better than talking one-on-one to welcome that person, to get to know them, to allow them to get to know who we are. If we can take a few minutes of our time to make a difference, to make a new member feel comfortable, to have someone to talk to, it may well be the reason they decide SC truly is what we claim to be…the reason they decide to stay!

I’ve heard it said that some just did not want to be bothered. Bothered? It is not so difficult to politely answer in a way as not to offend. A simple “thanks, but it seems we have little in common, but I’m sure you will find someone here who shares your interests” would do. How long did it take to type that? Not long, and I believe everyone deserves the courtesy of a response. That is, of course, if we truly are the “Friendly Place”.

While I believe it is kind and considerate of Rob to ask existing members their opinions, I also know that he has always made time for me. He sets the example…a hard act to follow, but follow I believe we must!

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Responses

  1. OK. I take your point, Georgia, but I maintain my original concern that genuine new members, those unused to chat rooms, would more than likely be freaked out by being contacted by the occasional “wrong un” we get on here.

    Having already made this point in my original submission to Rob and, having said that I, and probably most experienced members, could deal with such approaches, let me make a suggestion for a sort of middle ground.

    Assuming it’s possible, make the private chat open to all, as per Rob’s experiment, but restrict that access to those members who have been on this site for, say, 6 months or a year.

    That way those new to websites such as this are protected from getting what could be the fright of their lives and never trying the site again.

    I do appreciate your point, but I feel very strongly that new members, initially at least, need a little protection from the potential nasty realities of chat sites until they have a chance to find their feet and get their confidence.

    I say this from personal experience, because it may, or may not, surprise people to know that when I first came on this site (my first and still my main chat site) I was scared witless of what I might find. To be approached in a private chat, which I would not have understood at that time, by some nutter (who would be banned by our excellent admins and monitors in pretty short order) would have finished me for chat sites for life.

    1. Not a totally ‘bad’ idea way, lol. And I do like your middle ground approach. I would think though, that after even 3 months, most members would have learned the ropes, so to speak. Where do we cross that line between being over-protective of the members who are here, and those who wish to be, without allowing them full access? It is a good question.
      Perhaps the answer lies once again in the Settings portion of our Accounts.
      Would it not be possible to have the option to choose whom we want to allow to be able to private chat with us?
      That, it would seem, would be a solution that would satisfy everyone.
      The one thing I love about our freedom to express our thoughts here is that it often does nothing but bring us closer.
      Thanks for yours Way.

  2. I have to agree with Way on this point. I used to go to other sites to look about and see if I want to stay. It put me off when someone come onto a private chat with “Hi Beautiful”. It tells me right away I don’t want to know them. Geesh, I may be Frankenstien for all they know. I want to get used to a place and get the feel of it and maybe chat to someone in public arena before I P.C. with anyone….at least you get a chance to guage the kind of conversation you may get. A message is a lovely way to send a welcome and it shows the sender cares enough to take the time to do it….:-)

    1. Faye, I so agree with you. A private message to all new members, to make it personal, share something of ourselves, ask questions, get to know them. That is the ideal. In reality, are we doing that? Or are we sending ‘canned’ messages? I don’t pretend to have all the answers, no one can. I’m just saying that if there is one person out there, who is truly reaching out, and I can make a difference in private chat, I surely will. For all who come to SC as new members, they come with differing backgrounds and experiences, differing sets of skills. If private chat is what seems easiest for them, please…allow them that opportunity.

  3. Geo, I understand the point you are making as Way did; and I paused to give it full consideration, as I would because it is my Geo girlfriend’s perspective, and I know better now to pay attention to Way LOL…just kiddin’…I have the Christmas jingle giggles.. I do side with Way. Believe it is a very valid point about the newbies. However, I did vote to not include everyone in private chat. Personally, I just didnt care for it – such a long list of chatters, couldnt see to the bottom, I am computer challenged, miss some of my friends on the site, didnt see their names. I think there are several ways to welcome newbies – in the chatroom, the shoutbox, ask to go into a private room in chat, or just extend your hand in friendship – it can always be cancelled. Bottom line for me is that I just like it the way it was. HS xxxxx

  4. Sophs, thank you for taking pause to give this special attention. xx
    I do agree in some ways with what you are saying. I have spent many hours in chat with you. You always pay attention to everyone who comes in, make all who are new feel welcome, part of what I love about you!
    That, however, is not always the case.
    Not saying I haven’t been guilty of being caught up in a conversation myself, and think we all need to be more cognizant of that issue, to stop and remember to take the time to be less selfish, more giving of our time.
    My issue still remains the private chat, and I stand by what I said…much as I stand by and respect you and the opinions of everyone here. xx

  5. Have a yof you more experiencd chatters visited mine and maizes group for newbies,, we make them fel welcome, we ask them if they would like to bring theirvpics, and crafts also anything of interests, adk them ifvthey need asistance , that we are there to help them and generally wish them many ne friends and intrerests and a hug or a kiss to welcome them,… please visitnour newbies group if you havn, t already and join us in making all the newbies welcome, it, s non threatening to the newbies and I have personally p.m.some ofbthe newbies and have made many friends on chat for doing so as I, m sure maize and katelin have your all welcome to come join the newbies site in groups.xxx

    1. Lani, thank you! I have not visited the group, and I should have. I will make a point of doing so, to find if there is yet another way I can make a difference here. I’m not sure I will be able to do so until after Christmas, but promise you will see me there soon. You’ve given me reason to think about the fact there are numerous ways in which we are all here to reach out to, and welcome new members. Thanks again!

  6. Georgia you bring a valid and thoughtful point. It made me rethink how and what I contribute to the site. Thank you for thumping my brain lol. I would confess I voted against the idea simply because if I were a newbie it may be a bit intimidating and overwhelming with all the instant private chat list. We have what I believe a good setup now.
    Seems to work well with the option of adding friends as we or they develop friendship. It may even be a bit confusing to some at times who have many friends. “wait! let me think if you’re on my list” I’m of course being a bit funny there but to me it could be intimidating and confusing to some at times. Georgia it’s members like you who make the site so good because you bring up mind stimulating subjects and suggestions. That’s one thing that makes this site so neat. “J”

    1. Thank you J,
      It’s more about hearing from all of you, all of ‘us’ who come together to show in our own individual way, that we are part of a large family; a family that cares and expresses that openly. We may disagree in the way we approach solutions to problems, but it seems there is no disagreement when it comes to the fact we want to solve them to everyone’s satisfaction.
      The common thread seems that we all want new members to feel welcome and are doing the best we can, in the way we we are most comfortable.
      Thanks so much for your thoughtful input. (Sorry about the brain strain, lol)

  7. I like the idea of chatting with a person before adding them to friend list. How a person communicates in private chat might be a clue to their personality and how they interact with people. I think I can actually learn more about a person in chat than just reading their profile. I agree with Georgia that it also might be a way to help newbies feel more welcome. Those are just a couple of my thoughts on the subject. 🙂