Reflections on Growing Up Female

Confession: when I was about eleven, I wanted to look like Cher. Yes, indeed. Chubby, fair skinned, freckled, and copper-haired, I longed to look like Cher. She was the most gorgeous woman I knew of at the time! Now I am good with my average build, average height, and curves. I am more okay with me than I ever have been. Usually.

I used to say that I would grow old gracefully. We all grow older, it’s the way it’s meant to be! I’m quickly approaching fifty. I’ve been trying to do this gracefully, but I know sometimes it’s awkwardly.

When I was in my twenties, I proclaimed that I’d never get my hair colored. Haha, yeah right! Though I do keep it close to the color God gave me, even as it has changed over the years. Eh, a few grays here and there don’t freak me out.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery just for cosmetic reasons. Make up, well of course! I like a natural look. I especially need eye make-up. Otherwise I think I resemble DeDe Pickles a little too much. You know, the Mommy on Rugrats (Nickelodeon cartoon, big in the 90’s). Curly red hair, big glasses, and her eyes looked like tiny pencil dots.

I am not dissing myself. I am laughing at myself as I consider these issues… not for the first time! A couple of days ago, I noticed the skin on my throat again, looking a bit saggy. Blaahhh! Nooo! The beginnings of a chicken neck! However, I am aware that in reality, others will not be staring at one small area of my neck, as I was. Oh, silly me!

I have heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Our genetics are a miracle, we are each unique and possess the features we are meant to! Also, loveliness radiates from within, and is much more important than outward appearance. I truly believe that, with all that is in me! But, most of us have a few scars about these issues. Mine are quite minor, admittedly.

I got teased about my full lips a couple of times when I was a kid. I never thought anything was wrong with them, until…”Fish Lips”. Really? In the past few years, I have received a few compliments about my lips. Seriously surprised me! What? Who?? No collagen here.

Back to the thick glasses…I’ve had many comments made about those too. I’ve recently, accepted that I’ll never wear contacts again. Indeed, I’m grateful for these spectacles! How many times over the years, on those make–over shows, has the ‘beauty expert’ said to the woman “First, let’s ditch these glasses…” Sends a clear message to an impressionable young girl, ya think? I put that BS behind me, especially when forced to get a new perspective about it. I was diagnosed with a disease that can cause blindness, and spent several years traveling to specialists, having eye surgeries and other such fun.

Shortly after enduring all that, a man I didn’t even know well told me I’d be more attractive if I’d get rid of my glasses. Did I ASK for your opinion? What an ass! It shut him up quick when I politely told him that I’m mostly blind in left eye. Really, I usually don’t curse. But I am no longer laughing. I’m pissed! It angers me that girls are taught in the media, from the time we are born, that we are never quite good enough. Yes, I understand now that it’s all about the almighty dollar. When I was ages eight, twelve, fourteen, I didn’t get it.

Now, we adult women struggle at times to feel at least okay in this super-model, pornographic society. It can be a battle to rise above the shallow thinking that’s ever present. We are trying to comprehend all this and sort it out, even as we have relationships with the men in our lives. But that’s another book entirely.

There’s nothing wrong with a little self improvement occasionally. Have I just “let myself go” as I’ve aged? I hope not and I don’t plan to! My female peers and I agree…we want to look attractive, or even a little sexy if the occasion is right, but not slutty. At fifty-ish, it’s ridiculous to try to look twenty. But heck…even though I have a grandchild, I’m no granny!

Here at the end of my rant, one of my favorite songs comes to mind: Billy Joel’s “I love you just the way you are”. It still touches me at a deep level. That kind of love and acceptance helps bring graceful back to aging, at any age. Cher is still beautiful in her own way, but she can keep her looks, and I’ll keep mine.