recommitment number 52!!

I was thrown into the task of making determinations about people at a young age. At first, I lacked confidence, but grew in my reason and logic. I made judgment calls that were likely far beyond my level of experience, but eventually I grew comfortable in this role. As I gained experience and years, its likely possible that I became good at it.

I've spent much of my adult years working in health care. I've evaluated peoples abilities to make decisions, and their performance in maintaining productive lives. Frequently, amidst turmoil, the critical questions need to be asked: do you know who you are? do you understand what's happened to you? do you want to live this way? in a health care setting where life and death issues are faced daily, certainly such responses are of the most basic level.

But all of us confront such issues every day. They may not be life and death. Possibly they have culminated from relationships or experiences. Some are wonderful, some are systematic, and some are painful. All of us have been following a path, and all of us are going in a direction. We see things that trigger reactions, assist us in our choices, and direct our future. At times they can feel random and illogical-- but ultimately we are the sum of all of this. Do you know who you are? do you understand what's happened to you? do you want to live this way?

I've had some good conversations with my daughter this morning, and we both were able to exchange thoughts to this regard. No secrets, we shared what we have become, and why we are who we are. We have discussed our responses to major life events, both good and bad. Reviewing such things adds clarity to our existence, purpose, and I'm grateful that at her young age she understands this. But mostly, it became increasingly clear that we do have some hint of perspective. I continue to learn who I am, as does she ; I seek understanding from my life. I'm grateful for the direction its gone, and look forward to further episodes in years to come--as well as the ability to re evaluate, reflect, and live in the present with hope.

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Published in Senior Chatters


  1. starlette

    Hello Catalpa, well i have to say my life was never planned, i have never planned anything excepting for holidays…… decisions took me on my journey through life…….. i don’t overthink and can make a decision pretty quickly, and so far they have served me well……..gut instinct is a feeling i rely on too…….sometimes i have tried to pass this off and have ignored it at my cost, i may add this has been in affairs of the heart……..takes a lot of years to get to know oneself, but i would say i know myself fairly well by now…….. i have learnt its not what life throws at you but how you react to it ……….being a positive person helps……tomorrow is another day and all that…………….And The World Turns…..

    1. catalpa Post author

      True star. Situations are just other new episodes. What’s important is that we establish coping skills that prepare us for anything.

      1. rosevita

        Don’t we grow with any other new episode in our lives? No matter if it’s a good or a bad one? These are lections we have to go through and every single lection leaves a bit of wisdom within us. We just don’t notice it at the time it happens. Only much later we realize sometimes…..

  2. Susannah

    I tend to think that I, personally don’t really know myself so very well. O.K. I can fathom out how I will react to certain circumstances but actually knowing myself inside and out scares me to death. I have had a terrible relationship with one of my sisters over the years, beginning from childhood all the way through to last year when she sadly died and there have been many many times I thought I should enroll in some psychological therapy to look into me but have always been too scared of what I would find out. Cowardly really but do we really want to know all our ins and outs?

  3. catalpa Post author

    I think those are personal choices, and different for everyone. I likewise have had some horrific situations in my life that I’ve had to work through. But pain and struggle are part of our human condition. For me, I’ve always questioned things and asked why? I’ve always needed to find a purpose related to life’s path. It has brought me peace and understanding in knowing myself, rather than feeling like a ping pong ball, randomly reacting to life events.

  4. roseinbloom

    Catalpa, you seem to be very wise woman. You ask 3 questions.All three can be very deep and complex and subject to different interpretations.
    The last one, Do you want to Live this way? My first thought was very negative and about euthanasia, then I had a very positive thought. If the answer is NO, do something to change your life and the first and last may just be your attitude. Most all of us can make some changes in our life.
    Do I know myself? I know myself well enough that I am not bothered by or influenced too much by some one else’s flattery or accusations, or I am just comfortable enough with who I am and how I have lived. That is a pretty superficial level though. “Know yourself and to thine own self be true”. I was taught that in elementary school and at least I have tried to live my life according to my own reasons, but in retrospect, I wish I had had more guidance in some matters, but none was available to me and I chose to live away from most of my family.
    Do I understand what has happened to me? I do understand most of it, again on a superficial level. Bad luck, good luck and my own strengths or inadequacies, needs and drives, and education and whatever wisdom gleaned at all points along the way. That is what we all are, as far as I know.
    That answers three questions, but I hope I continue to ask myself these questions from time to time especially the one, Do I want to live this way? Here lies the action plan. Tthe other two may be answered first if we are not able to take action.
    Catalpa, this is a very deep and interesting blog and I hope you keep writing and sharing your wisdom.