Pension or not?

Thought I might share a letter that my dear wife sent off to the UK pension service. I persuaded her at length to let me blog it. She doesn't like chatting, or blogging, but promised to look into sc for the first time, as we have a bet that there will be no replies (gonna win the bet lol).Letter follows:
Dear English Pension funds;
Having been offered an English pension due to the fact I happen to be married to one of your less successful citizens, I find it more than generous. I am not British and not ever want to be judging by my husband's behavaviour.
On the other hand, I have cared for this drunken individual for more years than I can remember. He is a citizen of yours, and it about time you should take responsibilty for him. I feel I have relieved you of your duties for years.
Therefore, I suggest instead of a pension you recompense me for all the years I have been his moneylender, babysitter, cleaner, gardener, childminder, cook and many more things I can't remember.
Fair is fair; it is your turn now. He is 71 and willing.
He is affable when patted.
Sincerely yours,
Tomsy *******

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Pension or not? was last modified: March 12th, 2015 by bathchairdave
Published in Senior Chatters

30 thoughts on “Pension or not?

  1. Abhilaaj

    Good one bcd ,
    Oh ! This time from your better half !
    ( Anyone on why the wives are called the better halves, as if we are the worse halves, hope not ! )
    Let us have more of your true life experiences as you promised to , though !

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Thanks Star my wife will appreciate your reply!
      Serious? I’m sure her “wit” and joking are based in fact, otherwise it wouldn’t be funny. This portrayel of my humble self will excite some and sadden others, however, she is as she is, and knows no bounds as such, which is no doubt why we are together after so many years.
      Once again thanks for such a nice reply xxx

    2. bathchairdave Post author

      Abhilaaj!
      It is after all my wife in focus this time, and not my story telling! I will howevever tell stories from time to time (prompted by yourself). I did post on your reply before today. It seems to have been taken down or lost in the mill of things. Never mind, grand to see you comment on “our” (thats my wife and myself) blog.
      Nice to see that you can still post in blogs!
      Just by the way- there are really no “halves” in marriage. Marriage is without halves, or chains – just an intimate connection of fine threads sewn together over the years that transgress the normal laws of lust , and even lethargy. Thats my thought on “the other half” anyway.

  2. starlette

    Dave this is brilliant……..I would get on so well with your wife……..what a fantastic witty sense of humour……..I am correct in assuming the letter was written as a joke, and not in a serious context ……xxx

  3. Postman73

    Hahahaaa, ohhh, that cracked me up Dave, and just HOW WELL does she know you !!!. Ohhh, methinks your wife and mine would get along way too well. I don’t read many blogs these days, mainly because they’re either boring, made up, or don’t belong in the blog section at all, but this ? ….. this belongs in the Hall of Fame mate……..priceless !!. I demand to see a photograph of such a fine piece of womanhood, hahahaa

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Postie!
      I’m laughing me pants off at your style. My Madam is going to love it!
      I fully doubt she will put up a pic, but I will work on that – just for you.
      Many thanks for such a warm reply mate!!!

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Way!
      Sorry about yer bad day mate. At least Mrs bcd (as it seems she is now known) brightened your day somewhat. She didn’t think she would get a single reply. I did pass on your post, it was the first time she had ever read a blog, and wishes to let you know that your thanks are appreciated. She asked me about you, and I told her “along with many others in here give him/her one of those little gold stars much favoured in the US, they all deserve it for such a warm welcome” She then mentioned the novel she has written about me (not published) “How things might have been”. I come off in an a awful state after marrying the horrid girl next door! I cant read beyond chapter three as I tend to pee my pants laughing.
      Thanks Way!

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      She hasn’t read your reply yet Polly Pie. But I have – hahahah. She has been awarded the pension retroactively, but if she claims it before we move back to the UK she will pay Swedish tax on it at about 40%, hense the letter would would start a mirthful , but alas painful payment. Be sure she would definately send the letter if she wouldn’t be penalised. Way she is – lol.
      Thanks for posting she will appreciate it!

  4. Abhilaaj

    bcd,
    Reg : Why wife is called the better half.
    Although well explained by you, let me also quote the translation of one of the renowned sutras of the Bhaktivedanta:
    “O respectful one, a wife is so helpful that she is called the better half of a man’s body because of her sharing in all auspicious activities. A man can move without anxiety entrusting all responsibilities to his wife.”
    Hope the ladies on the site will like this !
    And you too bcd ?
    [ You can send me public messages also, if need be, through the site. I have received a couple of them ]

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Abhilaaj!
      I have an instictive urge to love ladies. I’m unsure where instinctive respect comes from though, but I have it. No doubt having been brought up by very strong ladies, and having no father figure in the “soup”, I am as I am. I have no regrets in this matter. I’m ball shy, even feminine in some respects, but I do respect feminism, and thats the bottom line here – we are all brothers and sisters, some tied by by social bonds , some not, but without respect we are doomed to failure. I really hope you can see what I’m saying here Abhilaaj.

  5. lani36

    B.C.D., HAS your wife got you down pat, she sure has, after many years of faithfull service she should at least receive a gold watch …. lol …
    I,m sure the pensions office would paste that on thier notice board if your wife posted it , love to see that pinned up on a notice board ha ha ha, would make their day …..one clever lady …..xxx

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Thanks Lani!
      Yer gonna have to wait a while for the reply to Mrs. bcd’s letter. It will however come. She did get a gold watch after 40 years as a teacher. She awarded it “clutter status” , put it in a jam jar with her non- working pens, and I never saw it again – lol

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Mac – will try and get her to do a real blog, no idea about her thoughts on that though. One thing is for sure she never expected a response to her letter – I just persuaded her in this instance.
      Thanks!

    1. bathchairdave Post author

      Typical grandmaj!
      She would be thinking along the same lines I’m sure. However marriage seems to be like hot iron blades straight from the forge. Some shatter in use, others become double edged swords that last a lifetime? Not a quotation this, I thunk it up meself – lol.
      Be safe xxx

  6. georgia

    Dearest Tomsy,
    What a wonderful talent, not to mention a somewhat unique way with words you have! I enjoyed every one of them, and thank you for sharing your lovely, whacky sense of humour with us. You’d be a great hit in our chat room! Thanks Again!
    Georgia

  7. bathchairdave Post author

    Georgia!
    As you direct this to Tomsy in person ( which I find correct), I will get her to reply to you(I hope),after she reads all all your wonderful comments.
    For my part thanks for responding so nicely.

  8. Abhilaaj

    bcd !
    Apropos your comment above in reply to my observation :
    You may perhaps like to visit Wikipedia on Ardhanarishvara
    which is a composite androgynous form of the Hindu god Shiva and his consort Parvati .
    It is depicted as half male and half female, split down the middle. The right half is usually the male Shiva, illustrating his traditional attributes.

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