Once Again

I find myself once again staring at the screen of my laptop…hoping to see a friendly face…a message..a hello…but most times there’s nothing there…just an empty screen staring back at me.
No one to chat with…no new notifications to read….So I go to the blogs and read and re-read them several times…something to do I guess to pass the time.
Why am I doing this ?…I ask myself…What’s becoming of my life?
Sitting here at my computer day after day night after night… trying to grasp some kind of essence to fill up the void… To get some meaning back into my life… Then I realize how lonely I’ve become…
Where is the other me?…the happy one …the one full of life and laughter…full of hope…and inspiration…full of love…so much love still to give…so alone in my grief…
I have fallen into a deep black hole…but I’m inching my way out of it…I will see the light again..
I will find the other me…That’s a Promise I give to myself…

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  1. Hi, there , how are you? I am an older and single man , I divorced with 48-year-old,I am always looking for someone special to share the rest of my life,I upload my photo on __seniorloving.com__,its great to seeking seniors,successful people,boomer fishes,users over 50,my user name is looking4peace,please check it out,and send message to me,I wish you God’s blessings and his best for your life!

    1. To know that others travel the same road …(even when we may never meet along the way ) …makes the journey easier …thank you for your comments.

  2. Well nmod.

    U have just written the words to my situation at this time and i hope for u the light gets brighter. your word for word my feelings but u can put them down and me i just have thoughts about this and question r these nice people friends and do never ask me i think about it all the time but have no idea as to an answer or the way to approach it but sad for myself i am a pessimist so never an easy way out of the dole drums. As said i understand but offer no solution only dreams.

    Bye bye see u some time Steve woodsie60

    1. Hang on to your dreams Steve…They will keep you going…thank you for your comments…I hope the light shines for you too…I really do.

  3. dear nmod, how my heart aches to read your message, and I am praying that things will improve for you soon. I understand the meaning of the word lonely, and I’ve done all the reading blogs, groups etc…over and over,when I have no one to talk too, so I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have been off site mostly for a couple of weeks now, as I have been away from home, but will be back to normal tomorrow, and then I am pretty much here at some stage every day, do chat to me, or message me, we can become less lonely together….love Annie xxx

    1. Thank you Annie for your warmth and kindness …and for offering to walk with me the solitary road of loneliness …much appreciated…xxx

  4. nmod..you have found a beginning to an end.It is called your Promise.It is something you would not have imagined before you wrote this. That dark hole cannot get deeper.There is, in the very distance that glimmer, that promise and you have glanced it briefly and WILL inch towards it.I think the worse feeling in the world is hopelessness, when you cannot do something about any situation and you are one step out of this.already.Keep going. I will keep you in my prayers x

    1. Illgner …you are so right…when I wrote this blog …I did not intend to promise myself anything…I was feeling very sad …and been crying all day…but at the moment of putting words to paper ..it just came to me the determination to get out of the dark hole…to find myself again…as you perceived it …I must have seen a glimmer of the light…thank you for your comments and prayers .xx

  5. nmod i really feel for you hun and if you want to chat just msg me and i will come on here…I have been where you are now and it was my friends on here that helped to pull me through…you will get there i promise you…might not be today or tomorrow but you will do it…we are all here all you have to do is reach out take care hun xx 🙂 🙂

    1. Pollie…so beautifully said…so much appreciated…thank you from the bottom of my heart! ..a heart broken and mended so many times…i know it will come right again …thank you xxx

  6. Nmod (((((((((hugs))))))) my friend, I have been there many years ago and although my heart was broken, was a nervous wreck, my hands shook and I didn’t want to do anything, I forced myself to get busy helping others through community work, putting on a happy face and just taking one day at a time and gradually that happy face became real and the world looked a better place. Once you take the first step into something different new doors open. It is you my friend who has to take that step and we will be right with you cheering you along the way. You can do it, little steps first. Much love xxxxxxx skip

    1. you are right skip …it is me who has to take that first step and try to change direction …this blog I see as my own acknowledgment of that something it’s terrible wrong …and that I need to do something about it…therefore the promise I give myself …I will see the light …I will find my way.
      And you guys …my chatters family …you are the best I could ever have hoped for …thank you for so much love and support. ..xxx

  7. Nmod,
    I was in chat yesterday,when I saw you enter chat,then leave within a few seconds,,,Why didnt you stay and say hello?..I for one,would have been delighted to chat with you.
    Theres not much point in being on a chat site if you dont chat.
    Think about it.

    1. I’m very sorry about it cappuccino …I was flicking around the pages and pressed the wrong place …I was intending to press the log out bar at the bottom of the page …and I pressed the chat room bar instead.
      I do a lot of chatting on here …believe me.. But it’s mostly private chat. Sometimes though if not many chatters are in the lobby I may venture in for a short while…
      When I realized I’ve made a mistake I quickly left the room …expecting that nobody saw me ..So I apologise to you..skip and any other person who was there at that moment, it was not my intention to appear rude or arrogant .
      So next time I’m on line and see you in the lobby I will pop in to say hello …
      Thank you for your comments ….

  8. nmod, I was there too and actually said how lovely it was to see you in chat, I was disappointed when you left. Please do, if you want to, try again in chat, you have many friends xxx

    1. Sorry skip as I said before it was a clicking error that I’ve made.
      I will make sure I pay the chat room a visit next time I see you there.
      Thank you for your comments xxx

  9. nmod, you are not alone. I am sure, you expressed so many unexpressed thoughts and feelings with your post for so many of us here. I joined Senior Chatters yesterday because I was feeling the same things that you described.

  10. Dear norma, as I’ve said before, I am also here for you. Everything you have said I can relate too. At the moment I cannot do anything to change my life until I get my knee replacement sorted out, which hopefully will be very soon. I am in a situation where I feel life is hopeless at the moment and have often thought “why bother” but I have hope and it’s that hope that things are going to get better and life is going to be good for me again that keeps me going. I put myself in a situation because my heart won over my brain. I’m too soft hearted and it’s not in my character to hurt people, but I am hurting. But hopefully things will change for me in the not too distant future, and hopefully the same will happen to you. I am here any time you want to talk – message me. Have faith and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Take care of yourself. Love fy2 xoxox

    1. Nothing it’s permanent in life my dear friend …in real life there’s not such a thing as a forever lasting happiness or sadness …things always change.
      They will change for you and for me … I know they will.
      Much love
      Norma xx

  11. Nmod sorry that you are feeling this way…..nmod you need to start to focus on the good things in your life…..the wonderful boys you have. And I think you need to remember you are a very nice person. Just now looking for an interest in I life. Back to work nmod you have holidayed to long. Hugs xxxxxxxx talk later. Mac.

  12. Only just joined senior chatters, and have 5 days left of trial. Just came across your blog and it could have been written by me. Where have I gone? Who am I? What is my goal? How it hurts, but I try to believe that time ripens all things.