on a more positive note

48 hours from now, i will be getting ready to board a plane.  for the first time all by myself.  when i first booked this flight three months ago, i was petrified.  over the last three months, the fear has given way to some kind of actual excitement.  a feeling of FREEDOM, dare i say?

it may sound silly, but i’m picturing myself getting thru security in the airport…getting thru all the parts that make me nervous, yet excited to do alone for the first time…and then sitting somewhere to have a glass of wine while i wait.  i’m bringing a book with me, that i bought a while ago, but have never hunkered down to read, and now i’ll finally crack it open while waiting for the plane, and while flying…both directions.  as a side note, cause i aim to keep things as honest as possible when i make these entries (otherwise…what is the point?)…i wanted to note, that i used to be an avid reader.  sometimes two books a week.  even while raising children…once they were down for the nite, i’d curl up on some corner and read.  but over the years, thru the depression and covid and divorce…and now this AWFUL restlessness that keeps me from sitting still long enough to read a book and actually focus on the story…i’ve lost my love of reading.  so…having the chance to sit alone somewhere, because ALL I CAN DO, is “wait”, and start this book, feels a bit exciting to me too.  

anyway….today i got my carry on packed packed.  i only have last minute things, that i need to use still…waiting to be packed.  i’ve gone over things with my youngest daughter who will be staying here to take care of my critters and the house and water my yard for the few days i’m gone.  i’m basically ready to go.  i just need to sleep two more nites, and work one more day…and i’m off on my first solo adventure!

today is the fourth of july, but that’s always been a quiet day for me.  my dog…is so afraid of the fireworks.  all the popping and booming.  we’ve stayed home with him for years, and i’ve never missed the fireworks, for some reason.  today, after i packed my suitcase and my daughter went thru the house cleaning the air conditioning vents, we decided to get out of the house and go shopping for a bit before all the “noise” starts.  it was so enjoyable…i bought some more things for my new grand daughter who will be here in september, as well as some other silly things that weren’t needed at all, but fun to buy.  the time with my daughter is always treasured.  now we are home, and even tho its still daylight out, the booming has begun, and my nervous buster is at my feet….then at my daughters feet…then at my feet…and so on.  he gets so anxious and moves, thinking that the sounds won’t be in another place, lol.  i thought maybe this year would be easier on him, as he can barely hear anymore…he’s nearly deaf.  but some of the pops…are pretty loud and even rattle the windows.  as i got out of the car with my daughter in the driveway after shopping and we lugged our bags in, i noted how beautiful the sky was…clear and blue.  and how in just a few hours…it will be all smoky, lol.  

it really is beautiful today tho.  the may gray and june gloom that lasted so long has finally burned into some summer weather, and i absolutely love it.  in the evenings where i live, a breeze ALWAYS comes up for about two hours, and it makes the leaves on the trees dance and brush together, creating a sound not unlike ocean waves.  i find a soothing comfort in it.  

well, my daughter just came in to tell me that her daughter is “kicking away”, so i’m going to go lay on the bed with her, put my head on her belly and feel my grand daughter roll, kick and stretch.  

happy fourth of july to everyone…be safe!