Of Being Sexual ,Sensuous and Human …
In a previous blog we were / still are ,discussing “love… and what love is “…a couple of questions came out of that discussion that we could perhaps talk more about .
1- is sex love ?
2- how different is love in our senior years ?
Some people think that in a romantic relationship sex is love and vise- versa .
I disagree with that …simply because you can have sex without love and you can have love without sex .
So if sex is not love …what is it ?
Is it a physical need? …an emotional need? …an instinctive need ?
Or is it simply an act with a means to an end , like eating , sleeping etc .?
Now ,to the second question.
Is love different in our senior years ?
In my opinion , The intensity of love as a feeling would be the same ,now as it was in our younger years .
The way we express that love however may have changed over the years .
I tend to think that in our senior years we become more sensuous and a bit less sexual ??
That is what I believe ,but it may not be necessarily true to others .
This is a serious discussion…, so PLEASE comment in an appropriate manner.
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I think you may have answered your own questions Norma,but perhaps I might like to comment further after others have had chance to contribute their opinions.
Well , it’s true then when they say that in the question it’s the answer ! I hope I’ve left enough scope for others to add some interesting comments .
I,m sure you have and I look forward with interest for those comments ,as you do 🙂
Good and pertinent question, Norma. I can’t remember who said it, either Plato or Aristotle, but it was to the effect that when he woke up for the first time without an erection, he could only feel relief at finally ‘getting the monkey of my back’. The quotation has become more meaningful to me as my own powers wane!
I’m glad to say that as my sexual powers decrease my power to appreciate and express love increases. I’m not sure there is a direct correlation there but I’m beginning to suspect there is definitely one in modern society; there’s so much consumer and peer pressure to make sure you’re ‘getting enough’… I am sure, also, that the experience and responsibility of children and grandchildren have brought me to this pass…
Sex, it seems to me, and if you’ll forgive the pun, is the root of procreation but weirdly not the source of love; despite what Freud claimed! Love seems to be a universal underscore that made procreation necessary not the other way round.
Personally, I’ve got a growing twinkle in my eye and yes it’s more than enough compensation….
“I’m glad to say that as my sexual powers decrease my power to appreciate and express love increases.”
Wow … A perfect answer to a pertinent question ! There are men and women out there who think that the diminishing of sexual power it’s the end of a satisfying relationship ,and I’ve even heard some men say that they would rather die than lose they virility .
Without realizing that there’s much more to loving and expressing love than just sex.
Yep, I find all those antique rock lotharios very interesting. It must be me, I’d very quickly die if I had the anxiety and responsibility of one of their juvenile companions – drop-dead-gorgeous would be the exact phrase. I never was into macho manhood, perhaps being brought up mostly by four sisters had something to do with it! Also, after retiring early, and the breakdown of my daughter’s first marriage, I was closely involved in the baby and childhood of my eldest grandson, it gave me some insight into the attachment mothers get – you just don’t get that close as a father, you’re too busy having a career.
And, as the testosterone diminishes (hard to say let alone experience, whoops, I’m punning again) so does the mindset. All stages of life have their + and – you gotta enjoy them all to the max.
When you have been together many years, you still get a thrill to see each other when you have been temporarily parted. For me, I cannot imagine a world without my partner in it. A lot of us search for many years for that elusive thing – love. If we are lucky enough to find it, we come to know a feeling of completeness that we only feel when we are together with our loved one. People talk a lot about sex but there are many ways to show your love. Sex is only one of these ways.
I agree with you Rain , that feeling of completeness you talk about , that sense of being so comfortable with each other that you feel that there is where you belong , that total trust that makes you let go of all the barriers and become vulnerable knowing that you are safe .
Beautifully said ! I’m happy for you !
Now I cannot comment on how a man feels, but after having many discussions on this subject in my working life I have come to this conclusion, to many men sex is an act in itself, it relieves tension, puts a spring in their step as it were, in many cases it certainly does not involve love, ie the use of prostitutes…….as a women personally speaking there would have to be caring and emotions of some kind involved before I would ever ” makelove ” with a man, to me it is lovemaking and not just having sex……..in men apparently it becomes harder physically to fulfil this need, mentally I don’t know if this wanes too….re one of my other blogs it would appear it does not……we are all different, to me the act of lovemaking gives a feeling of closeness and togetherness, once that is lost then I would think that maybe your relationship could become just a friendship, nothing wrong in that because you need to be friends too….but for me has to be the whole package……..just my opinion and thoughts……
Can You have a sausage without mustard? Yes you can have it!
Can you have mustard without a sausage? Not very healthy, is it?
What means what for you? You decide individually.
vonMichael. I like your metaphors. I am still thinking of makeup as ammunition.
Here in the USA we take from other countries and make them our own.
So our sausages get mustard and pickle relish or sauerkraut or chili or slaw and tomatoes. You name it and americans will put it on a sausage, but I don’t know if I have overextended a metaphor, or got your meaning at all. But it sure is fun, when you say something. Michael.
…rose, michael…stop it now, please, you two…. you’re bringing tears to my eyes….. hahahaha!….. “You name it and Americans will put it on a sausage…” …and a lot of things I couldn’t name is my experience…….. easy on the mayo…. …my German friends put curry on their wurstens….
Thank you nmod for a good blog and stating your own opinion also. I am making a quick comment. I may say more later.
I was hoping to see an explosion of comments by this stage. Must tidy up my contribution before I go out – as no one has done it for me… 🙂
Viagra, which I can recommend, is one of a number of excellent products for most blokes who choose to extend their sex life. It’s just important to note that it doesn’t necessarily extend your love life, that can only happen in your head!
Hope it’s not an elephant in the room replacing the monkey on our backs… I know, I’m going….
Viagra I understand works for women too, wonder if they would take it as readily as men……..but all in the minds eye a lot I would say……xx
viagra for women, Don’t think that is available in the USA.
I tried viagra years ago…All it did was give me heartburn…Still got most of the packet around somewhere ,if anybody wants it. 🙂
Please refrain from giving advice . This blog is not about that . It’s more about helping each other to understand our own feelings ,accept our difficulties and realize that it’s possible to have nurturing satisfying relationships not matter how old we are …because emotions and feelings never age or die ,( we do ) it’s possible ,in my opinion to live …love and enjoy life till the end of our days .
And the way i see the little bits of advice are that there are certain aids that can help towards overcoming the difficulties that can occur in relationships……..therefore all helping to maintain and nurture……..can be all part and parcel of keeping the “love” going……..emotions and feeling do die, that we know, and very often because there is no longer physical contact……so to me any extra help would be most welcome for some……..quite agree we can enjoy life and love till we die…….but it needs working at………just does not happen on its own……damn hard worked……and very often the replies to the blogs do go a little off course so what, they are all relevant to the subject being discussed…….can put people off answering the blogs if they are walking on tip toes to avoid veering of course…..
When i see the comments i can agree with every one meanings.i never had the sence beiing loved an never had any love like mostly people have our wanted .for me tenderness before the act is important looking for G spot is great .when the moment of feeling is there the body tintels of exciting when the act after has been done mostly men are satisfied with their performance but in My opinion it s after the act that it s begin the fantasy of learning from each others body can be exciting as Well for both partners .when i had My cancer operation and Brain surchary the feelings were lost in each Way of living.when i got to China i learned how to begin loving again feeling again i didn t use viagra because the blood didn t flew as it should be the nervs were damaged and with bleeding in the head brains i could n t have emotions any more.the Chinese learnd me how to get true this i have 5 piercings 2 frenums 3 between the balls My life changed and i am a man again not like 30 years ago but i have still the sensation to be a man .piercings can help to but with the right person who knows how to manage iT On the right place .we have so much to learn .
Very interesting comment Bouvierlover . It gives us an insight on how people cope and go on with life after serious illnesses and operations . I think some people may find this helpful . Thank you .
Sexual ?, Sensuous ?, and Human ?, now hand abaht, i’m sure i had that with me when i came in ‘ere, hahaaaa.
Sex is the by product of love. Sex, physical attraction, emotional attraction of two people who are attracted to like types. Sex expresses the bond between the two. I can’t see where sex is love or vice verse. There are many cases where husband and wife are sexless for medical reasons for upwards of 20 years and they “love” one another in a passionate sense. I think love as a senior is much more meaningful and powerful because we’re seasoned and far more mature.
We can appreciate another human much more. Love as a senior is much more gratifying and predictable. Less drama because we mellow and appreciate each other more. Just my 2cents
Thank you Jsmile … I agree with your comments .
A sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily means loveless or a marriage without intimacy . Touching , kissing ,holding hands ,embracing ,sharing ,they are all ways of loving .
Hello Norma please take my answer as a man who has gone through difficult as well as pleasant stages of life.
What about with all that women who said for themself; only that man
or none! What about all those women during WW-2 waiting desperately
for their husbands to come home.
Do you really think and believe they did it because they just wanted sex?
I’ll never find another you, that’s not only the title of a song, that’s convincement
that has grown in many years of good and sad days.
If only sex would play the main role in a relationship the song should
have the title; I always find a better one than you ( maybe ).
No, people who place sex on the same level with love than they are poor
people. Perhaps life will tell them that love lives on, sex fades away as
older on gets. Michael
Very valid point Michael , with a strong opinion that I happen to agree with !
Thank you !
I just go with the flow!
You know ustom you could have the right idea, who can promise to love forever, who knows what circumstances and life events are going to occur to change one’s feelings towards another………sex will diminish, maybe for one before the other, so when that goes, why in some cases does one seek it elsewhere, even though they profess their love for their partners/spouses is true and deep….ermm makes one wonder…..so would appear that the sex act and ” love” do not always go hand in hand……..well I like to think that giving yourself to another in such a personal manner is showing an extension of your love………I may like to think that, but I also know its not fact…….
Some people go through life seeking something ,but they don’t really know what it is .so they try this ,and they try that .and they keep on going and trying .
When it comes to affection… The ability to give and receive , it’s something that some of us needed to work hard to achieve .
Intimacy it’s very important in a relationship , (in my opinion ). I feel that in a relationship that it’s purely physical the act may give us instant gratification ,but once it’s over there’s not much left . But in the circumstances were we have both the sensual and the physical intimacy combined the end result will be much more satisfying and after glow will linger on .
I so agree with you nmod! You can have love without sex, you can have sex without love. But, some kind of physical touch is important in a relationship though. ie, hugs, holding hands,…the physical touch does not have to lead to sex.
Sadly for 31 yrs I was married to a man who felt that sex was the do all of our relationship. Any physical touching had to lead to the final act….That wrecked for me.
I so miss hugs and hand holding. I could care less about sex. I hope that will change if I meet the right person.
Wow, how the debate has moved on! Terrific. I wish I’d stayed in now…. sorry, there I go again. Seriously, I know we Brits shouldn’t smile when sex is on the agenda, I’ve taken no advice but copious notes, and withdraw any I might have inadvertently given. Brilliant blog and debate, I am restored and entertained.
As we get older, sexual activity may get less frequent, but inhibitions may diminish and we can get more adventurous.
Wow, what an awful lot of blogs about sex ,, people missing out, lol